Fortitudine Vincimus: By Endurance We Conquer.
My schedule and unforeseen circumstances have kept me from my commitment to this blog and I am sorry about it. I had a great run... and then I stopped. My family suffered a tragedy, but I dishonored the memory of the departed by not continuing to write. It's what they would have wanted.
The title of this post comes from Sir Ernest Shackleton, the British explorer who came to within 96 miles of being the first man to reach the South Pole. When the pole was reached by Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen, Shackleton decided he would make a trek across Antarctica. He named the ship which took him there "Endurance." The Shackleton family motto is Fortitudine Vincimus. The Shackleton party was stranded on the ice for two years before Shackleton and a skeleton crew made an 800 mile, open-boat journey to get help. Shackleton brought his men home alive. They endured, and they conquered.
While most of us will never be stranded in Antarctica, it is easy to feel as if we have no shot, as if the odds are insurmountable, we can think of people like Shackleton, who faced incredible odds and prevailed. Nothing is impossible unless we designate it as such.
Sure, there is sadness and pain in the world. We will all face our share of challenges. These things do not define us. Rather, we are defined by how these challenges affect us, and how we meet and overcome them.
Make it a great day. I'll be back in a couple of days.
God bless you and thanks for the prayers and well wishes.
- Adolfo
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Days 231 - 235 - Still Kickin'
I would have preferred to have written every day. After all, this is what I had committed to, but with recent events and an overwhelming workload and travel, it's become increasingly difficult to find the time and energy to create new content on a daily basis. I think anyone would agree that I had a great run, writing for over 200 consecutive days including holidays.
I intend to finish the 365 days, but I won't be writing every day anymore (as you can tell.) I will hopefully find useful or interesting tidbits to share with you from time to time and I will bring them to you right here.
The truth is my priorities are shifting. With the recent tragedy my family suffered, I find myself more cognizant of what really matters. As much as I love writing this blog, it's not my number one priority. My priorities are God and family. Everything else is a distant third. I hope that I will soon be able to re-balance my life and write every day, but if not, it matters to me that you, dear reader, understand that I am not ignoring my commitment, I am simply realigning things.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
I intend to finish the 365 days, but I won't be writing every day anymore (as you can tell.) I will hopefully find useful or interesting tidbits to share with you from time to time and I will bring them to you right here.
The truth is my priorities are shifting. With the recent tragedy my family suffered, I find myself more cognizant of what really matters. As much as I love writing this blog, it's not my number one priority. My priorities are God and family. Everything else is a distant third. I hope that I will soon be able to re-balance my life and write every day, but if not, it matters to me that you, dear reader, understand that I am not ignoring my commitment, I am simply realigning things.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Friday, January 14, 2011
Day # 230 - Keep Moving Forward
I'm in a funk, as we all can be from time to time. I don't want to write, but here I am. It's been a long time, but I'm pretty sure I've written on this subject before. Why am I doing it? Because I committed to. Because this is something want and need to do.
It's easy to keep moving forward when the path is clear and the wind is at your back, but it's when you're in the dark and can't see your hand in front of your face that you must never give up. Rest during the easy times because you won't get a chance to during the rough times.
I find that the very nature I thought I had escaped, the dark, brooding, pessimistic side of my personality, tries to take over at the first sign of trouble. When I'm tired, it's easy to give in to it. It's like cheating on a diet: you know you shouldn't but it's easy and comforting. Odd that I should describe negativity as comforting, but what else could it be? Why else would our inclination be toward the self-destructive if it wasn't offering us some benefit?
Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goal. It's important you remember where you need to go, not where you are or what's hindering you or what's in your way.
Don't be afraid to reprimand yourself when you're off course, just as you should reward yourself for even the small victories. You're never too old for a little positive reinforcement.
It also helps to pray. It helps a lot. Don't be shy about asking friends and family to pray for you, and never forget to pray for them.
God bless you. Make it a great day and keep your eyes on the prize.
- Adolfo
It's easy to keep moving forward when the path is clear and the wind is at your back, but it's when you're in the dark and can't see your hand in front of your face that you must never give up. Rest during the easy times because you won't get a chance to during the rough times.
I find that the very nature I thought I had escaped, the dark, brooding, pessimistic side of my personality, tries to take over at the first sign of trouble. When I'm tired, it's easy to give in to it. It's like cheating on a diet: you know you shouldn't but it's easy and comforting. Odd that I should describe negativity as comforting, but what else could it be? Why else would our inclination be toward the self-destructive if it wasn't offering us some benefit?
Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goal. It's important you remember where you need to go, not where you are or what's hindering you or what's in your way.
Don't be afraid to reprimand yourself when you're off course, just as you should reward yourself for even the small victories. You're never too old for a little positive reinforcement.
It also helps to pray. It helps a lot. Don't be shy about asking friends and family to pray for you, and never forget to pray for them.
God bless you. Make it a great day and keep your eyes on the prize.
- Adolfo
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Days 227 - 229 - Emergence
I've had a couple of messages asking if I'm okay. I appreciate the concern. I'm fine. I've just been a combination of very busy and in the cave, dealing with lots of thoughts and emotions.
The cave is that place men go to when we have sorrow or pain. It's not over, though. There is still a funeral to attend and family to see, it will be a big part of the healing process. It will be, for me, a step closer to acceptance.
Often when we have pain to deal with, we busy ourselves with life and work, avoiding the pain and prolonging the healing. I am not trying to do this. Ignoring this won't make it go away, and imagine how insulting it would be to the memory of the departed if those who stay behind choose to not go on living.
The reason for my not writing is simply that I was out on the road early and working long hours. I have not retreated from my commitment, especially with only 135 or so days to go. I'm way past the point of no return.
I am, however, tired, and I want to go back to bed.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
The cave is that place men go to when we have sorrow or pain. It's not over, though. There is still a funeral to attend and family to see, it will be a big part of the healing process. It will be, for me, a step closer to acceptance.
Often when we have pain to deal with, we busy ourselves with life and work, avoiding the pain and prolonging the healing. I am not trying to do this. Ignoring this won't make it go away, and imagine how insulting it would be to the memory of the departed if those who stay behind choose to not go on living.
The reason for my not writing is simply that I was out on the road early and working long hours. I have not retreated from my commitment, especially with only 135 or so days to go. I'm way past the point of no return.
I am, however, tired, and I want to go back to bed.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day # 226 - And now...
As the aftermath of the family tragedy unfolds, I find myself completely lost. I want to learn and grow from this loss. I want to do more for those I love. I am at a loss for words, unusual, I know, but true.
It was my instinct to withdraw. Is that normal? I went counter to my instinct and went about my day as best I could, knowing the departed would want us to be productive, not reclusive.
I try to understand what only God can understand and I am reminded of my limitations. I want to take the pain of the world and swallow it, squeeze it, and make it die. But I can't. I have no such power. I can barely deal with my own pain. How can I help you with yours? What can one do in moments like these? Pray. Hope. Love.
I am afraid of standing still, of going forward, of the cold I feel in my hands. I am afraid I am not feeling enough, or feeling too much, or if I'm feeling the right things. How do I know? I don't. I won't.
I am afraid for my mother, who is so hurt by all of this. I am afraid for my aunt, who has been through so much and now the ultimate tragedy.
Then I pause, and I realize that I don't need to be afraid. I have God and there is where my strength lies. I have people around me who love me, and there is where I prop myself up. I have children who look to me for leadership, and from them I find my motivation.
Someone told me yesterday, "When you die, your inbox will still be full." Kinda makes you think about what really matters, doesn't it?
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
It was my instinct to withdraw. Is that normal? I went counter to my instinct and went about my day as best I could, knowing the departed would want us to be productive, not reclusive.
I try to understand what only God can understand and I am reminded of my limitations. I want to take the pain of the world and swallow it, squeeze it, and make it die. But I can't. I have no such power. I can barely deal with my own pain. How can I help you with yours? What can one do in moments like these? Pray. Hope. Love.
I am afraid of standing still, of going forward, of the cold I feel in my hands. I am afraid I am not feeling enough, or feeling too much, or if I'm feeling the right things. How do I know? I don't. I won't.
I am afraid for my mother, who is so hurt by all of this. I am afraid for my aunt, who has been through so much and now the ultimate tragedy.
Then I pause, and I realize that I don't need to be afraid. I have God and there is where my strength lies. I have people around me who love me, and there is where I prop myself up. I have children who look to me for leadership, and from them I find my motivation.
Someone told me yesterday, "When you die, your inbox will still be full." Kinda makes you think about what really matters, doesn't it?
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Day # 225 - Remembrance
I came home from a long day wanting nothing more than to sleep. It was not to be. Even as I write this, I feel overwhelming guilt that I am making this about myself, believe me, dear reader, this is not about me. It is about loss and pain and the strange, inexplicable beauty that is the world, even if that beauty is often tragic and ugly.
I was at the table when my phone rang. I normally wouldn't have answered it, but I did. It was my cousin Sergio, telling me something terrible had happened. He was nervous and unsure of what to do, and then so was I.
I called my mother for confirmation; she hadn't heard anything, so all I did was make her nervous and unsure. Eventually we received confirmation: they're not with us any longer.
My cousin, Ana Rosa Hurcades Hernandez, her husband, Victor Hernandez, and their daughter Victoria, were in a car accident in North Carolina. Rosi and Victor are no longer with us, Victoria is in bad shape and in the hospital. This is all anyone knows at this point.
Vicky was in a serious car accident a couple of years ago that left her with a titanium rod in her back and unable to walk. Hope springs eternal and I refuse to accept that she will never walk again; more importantly, she refused to accept that. Her brother, Danny, was not in the car. Last night, he was in the hospital and they wouldn't allow him to see his sister. Eventually we learn she is being moved to a trauma hospital that can better deal with her injuries, a fracture in her hip and one in her neck.
It's hard to explain the feelings one has at a time like this without making it about one's self. I don't want to do this, but I have become so dependent on writing each day that I don't know how else to deal with this. There are two more angels in heaven this morning.
Victor was someone I idolized as a kid. He was very knowledgeable in his work, neat in his appearance, and dedicated to his family. When my cousin married him, he became my cousin Victor. I was in Junior high at the time, he drove a monster truck. He was like a god. I never told this to anyone, but I wanted to be like him in many ways. He married at 28, I decided that was the perfect age to get married. He bought a boat, I decided I needed to own a boat some day. He worked with his son eventually. So did I. I guess I never thought of him as a hero, but in a sense, to me, he was. It goes to show you never know who you're going to influence, you never know who's watching, so always do your best.
Ana Rosa, Rosi, was so much more than a cousin to me, she was like a sister. She took me under her wing to try and straighten me out when I needed straightening out. I remember when she worked at Citizen's Federal Bank on 49th Street, where I opened my first Passbook Savings account. I remember when she got my dad and me tickets to a Dolphins game and we beat the Baltimore Colts 19-0 at the old Orange Bowl. I remember her picking me up in her yellow Mustang and taking me to her house to tutor me in math. I remember crying at her wedding. Every family has a rock and Rosi was definitely a rock for us. She was strong, she was good, she was an amazing person. Even now, I see pictures of her in the photo album of my memory: skinny, with long, stringy hair, freckles, and carrying baby me like a proud sister or even a mother. This is so unreal, I can't wrap my head around her not being here anymore.
A tragedy like this one is impossible to explain. We can't explain what we can't understand and human beings, unwilling to accept our limits, will throw out every cliche, i.e. things happen for a reason. It may be true that things happen for a reason, but this doesn't make them easier to accept. I found myself regretting not spending more time with them when they were still here, choking on my regret, only to realize I was making this tragedy about myself and not about who it is really about. This is about two kids in their twenties, this is about a mother burying her child. This is about a family left with a hole in it. This is a period of mourning and remembrance, which will be followed by acceptance, and if we get it right, we will be able to celebrate the beauty and the brilliance these beloved friends brought to our lives.
It would take a lifetime to find the words I am looking for here, so I will use the words of Emily Dickinson:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune - without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
In the end, all we have is the memory of those we loved. We open the photo albums and we share the stories, and we laugh. We remember how a life was lived, not how it was ended, or that it ended much too soon to satisfy the longing and the need we have for the smiles, the voices, the laughter. We celebrate a life and a legacy, we appreciate the good in the departed. In the end, we are left with hope. We are left with the expectation of a reunion in heaven where we will once again embrace our loved ones and laugh with them. Where there will be time enough for all of us to express how we feel, and there will be no room for regret.
Make the most of your time, friends. God bless you and protect you.
- Adolfo
I was at the table when my phone rang. I normally wouldn't have answered it, but I did. It was my cousin Sergio, telling me something terrible had happened. He was nervous and unsure of what to do, and then so was I.
I called my mother for confirmation; she hadn't heard anything, so all I did was make her nervous and unsure. Eventually we received confirmation: they're not with us any longer.
My cousin, Ana Rosa Hurcades Hernandez, her husband, Victor Hernandez, and their daughter Victoria, were in a car accident in North Carolina. Rosi and Victor are no longer with us, Victoria is in bad shape and in the hospital. This is all anyone knows at this point.
Vicky was in a serious car accident a couple of years ago that left her with a titanium rod in her back and unable to walk. Hope springs eternal and I refuse to accept that she will never walk again; more importantly, she refused to accept that. Her brother, Danny, was not in the car. Last night, he was in the hospital and they wouldn't allow him to see his sister. Eventually we learn she is being moved to a trauma hospital that can better deal with her injuries, a fracture in her hip and one in her neck.
It's hard to explain the feelings one has at a time like this without making it about one's self. I don't want to do this, but I have become so dependent on writing each day that I don't know how else to deal with this. There are two more angels in heaven this morning.
Victor was someone I idolized as a kid. He was very knowledgeable in his work, neat in his appearance, and dedicated to his family. When my cousin married him, he became my cousin Victor. I was in Junior high at the time, he drove a monster truck. He was like a god. I never told this to anyone, but I wanted to be like him in many ways. He married at 28, I decided that was the perfect age to get married. He bought a boat, I decided I needed to own a boat some day. He worked with his son eventually. So did I. I guess I never thought of him as a hero, but in a sense, to me, he was. It goes to show you never know who you're going to influence, you never know who's watching, so always do your best.
Ana Rosa, Rosi, was so much more than a cousin to me, she was like a sister. She took me under her wing to try and straighten me out when I needed straightening out. I remember when she worked at Citizen's Federal Bank on 49th Street, where I opened my first Passbook Savings account. I remember when she got my dad and me tickets to a Dolphins game and we beat the Baltimore Colts 19-0 at the old Orange Bowl. I remember her picking me up in her yellow Mustang and taking me to her house to tutor me in math. I remember crying at her wedding. Every family has a rock and Rosi was definitely a rock for us. She was strong, she was good, she was an amazing person. Even now, I see pictures of her in the photo album of my memory: skinny, with long, stringy hair, freckles, and carrying baby me like a proud sister or even a mother. This is so unreal, I can't wrap my head around her not being here anymore.
A tragedy like this one is impossible to explain. We can't explain what we can't understand and human beings, unwilling to accept our limits, will throw out every cliche, i.e. things happen for a reason. It may be true that things happen for a reason, but this doesn't make them easier to accept. I found myself regretting not spending more time with them when they were still here, choking on my regret, only to realize I was making this tragedy about myself and not about who it is really about. This is about two kids in their twenties, this is about a mother burying her child. This is about a family left with a hole in it. This is a period of mourning and remembrance, which will be followed by acceptance, and if we get it right, we will be able to celebrate the beauty and the brilliance these beloved friends brought to our lives.
It would take a lifetime to find the words I am looking for here, so I will use the words of Emily Dickinson:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune - without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
In the end, all we have is the memory of those we loved. We open the photo albums and we share the stories, and we laugh. We remember how a life was lived, not how it was ended, or that it ended much too soon to satisfy the longing and the need we have for the smiles, the voices, the laughter. We celebrate a life and a legacy, we appreciate the good in the departed. In the end, we are left with hope. We are left with the expectation of a reunion in heaven where we will once again embrace our loved ones and laugh with them. Where there will be time enough for all of us to express how we feel, and there will be no room for regret.
Make the most of your time, friends. God bless you and protect you.
- Adolfo
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day # 224 - The Battle
A friend sent me a video I just watched. It was of a performance at a church where a young woman is walking with Jesus, until the world starts throwing temptation at her. She then becomes separated from Jesus as she is besieged by drugs, sex, vanity, greed, and the like. She loses hope and puts a gun to her head. The drama ends with Jesus putting himself between the woman and the evil. In the end, Jesus defeats the evil influence and the young woman resumes her walk with Him.
This is a battle we all go through. We know where we should be. We know upon whom we should lay our eyes, and yet, we get sidetracked by money, anger, lust, idleness, or a million other unproductive things.
This is the battle of our lives. Keeping our eyes on the prize, and not letting ourselves be sidetracked by the stupid million little things. This applies to our walk with God, to be sure, but it applies to our life with our families. Do you spend time with them or do you watch TV with them? I am not on a soapbox right now, I am guilty of not giving my family all I can so I speak from experience.
It's important to recognize that you are in a battle. Every day, the enemy will try to keep you from being the best person, parent, friend, son, daughter, whatever, you are meant to be. You have to stay focused on the prize and work your tail off to reach it. No one can do it for you. You must make that decision and pursue it relentlessly. Make excellence and righteousness habits and it gets easy, like any other habit.
There is no shortcut to any place worth going. To be your best, in the eyes of your community, your family, and God, you will have to work hard. There is no proxy for parenting, friendship, or being a good spouse. You cannot do the right thing on a part-time basis. It's all or nothing, and it's hard. I know. I fall every day.
Find where you should be and spend every day getting there.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
This is a battle we all go through. We know where we should be. We know upon whom we should lay our eyes, and yet, we get sidetracked by money, anger, lust, idleness, or a million other unproductive things.
This is the battle of our lives. Keeping our eyes on the prize, and not letting ourselves be sidetracked by the stupid million little things. This applies to our walk with God, to be sure, but it applies to our life with our families. Do you spend time with them or do you watch TV with them? I am not on a soapbox right now, I am guilty of not giving my family all I can so I speak from experience.
It's important to recognize that you are in a battle. Every day, the enemy will try to keep you from being the best person, parent, friend, son, daughter, whatever, you are meant to be. You have to stay focused on the prize and work your tail off to reach it. No one can do it for you. You must make that decision and pursue it relentlessly. Make excellence and righteousness habits and it gets easy, like any other habit.
There is no shortcut to any place worth going. To be your best, in the eyes of your community, your family, and God, you will have to work hard. There is no proxy for parenting, friendship, or being a good spouse. You cannot do the right thing on a part-time basis. It's all or nothing, and it's hard. I know. I fall every day.
Find where you should be and spend every day getting there.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
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