Day 259 - An Open Letter to Vicky and Danny

Yesterday, we spent the day at the funeral of your parents. Surrounded by people who loved them, people they loved, and pictures of the great times and memories of their lives, we silently paid tribute to two people who were angels among us and have been elevated to be angels above us.

I would be lying if I told you I understand what the two of you are going through. No one knows. All anyone can ever do is try to understand, or at least listen, and respond with love. We can try to understand this and never will. I have learned that while all things are, in their own way, beautiful, they are not always pretty. The loss of your parents has affected me in the following way: it has increased and strengthened my faith in God. I can't explain why this has been the result, but I can tell you I have never felt closer to God, and I hope that when the pain you are feeling has subsided, and the healing power of time has taken effect, you too will be able to say that this painful chapter served to bring you closer to God. Your parents are with Him now, being closer to Him, will bring you closer to them.

We all have a limited time on this planet. The measure of our success as people is not the years of our lives, but the life in our years. By this or any measure, your parents lived extraordinary lives. If the success of a life is determined by the legacy one creates, again your parents aced the test. How can I say this? Because of the amazing people they created and left to us. Watching the two of you sit there, in all your pain as people came by was heartbreaking. Listening to you comforting those who came to you was inspiring. You two became my heros yesterday.

Vicky, you have inspired me since the first time I held you. You were a week old. It was Christmas morning. You were placed in my arms. I kissed your little face and held you and I fell in love. Holding you that day was as touching to me as the first time I held each of my own children. I didn't know it then, but the lens of time has shown me that the tears I cried upon holding you in my arms that morning were God's way of telling me how special you are.

Danny, you have always made me (and everyone else) laugh. From the time you were a baby, you always had that same smile on that same handsome face and you were always the good times guy. You were always bold and tough, but as sweet a human being as anyone has ever met. In a world where more and more people seem to be lost and all about themselves, it's good to see the man you've become. It's impressive that at your tender age, you are the rock your mother was and the gentleman your father was. Amazing.

While the road ahead is long, you will not walk it alone. You are surrounded by people who love you and will support you every step of the way. Your friends and your family will always be nearby, not only to lend you strength when you need it, but to lend a shoulder or a laugh. I can't speak for others, but I can assure you that I will also be around to be inspired by your strength. I will be there when Vicky walks again and this time, I'll let her carry me.

The bible tells us that while not all things are good, all things work together for good for those who believe. I believe this is true. In your eulogy, Vicky, you said that the last three weeks of your parents' lives were the best of their lives. How wonderful. While this end wasn't what any of us would have planned or wanted, it's comforting to know how happy they were when God called them home. It's comforting to know they were as happy as they deserved to be. It's comforting for the two of you and the rest of us to remember the manner in which they lived their lives, and not the manner in which their lives ended. In the end, all we have are the memories and the moments. The laughter and the tears. The sunshine, the rain, the love. Let us not live with regret, but with fond remembrance of those we were blessed to have known. Let us not live with anger over what we have lost, but with happiness and appreciation for what we were given.

As I close this letter, I realize how inadequate my words are. I understand that what I am feeling is not what you are reading here. This is about the only thing I understand. Another thing I understand is that when trying to communicate, it is sometimes better to use someone else's words. So I want to share with you one of my favorite poems:

INVICTUS
By William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Henley wrote this poem while laying in a hospital bed recovering from an amputation. He went on to live a complete and full life. The poem has inspired me for years and I hope it will do the same for you.

Remember my cousins, that no matter how hard it may seem, there is always hope, because there is always God, and family, and love. I know that at this moment the future seems uncertain and even frightening, the unknown always does. But God is with you. We are with you. Your parent's memories and spirits are with us all. We are strong. We are unconquerable.

I love you. God bless you.

Adolfo