Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Day # 96 - Never never never quit

Winston Churchill was known for his oratory. He gave amazing speeches that inspired a nation to rise up against Nazism and defend herself. His words managed to keep the English people fighting and hoping when everything around them had been reduced to rubble.

One day, when he was no longer Prime Minister, he was called upon to give a commencement speech at a university. Everyone was nervous with anticipation. He stood, looked out over the crowd, and said four words: "Never, never, never quit."

And then he sat down. Initially, some of the students felt they were short-changed, but their professors helped them understand that they had just received the most important lesson of their lives.

It's easy to let the setbacks become failures. It's easy to let the bad times get the better or you. It's easy to feel like your goals are a million miles away. The truth is, you never know how close you are and you are probably closer than you think. Of course, if you quit, you will never get there even if your goal was a day away.

Keep working, keep believing, set goals and reach them, make promises and keep them. Work until you can't work any more and then work some more. You are never as far as it seems. As Joel Osteen puts it: You're closer than you think.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet. And never never never quit.

- Adolfo

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Monday, August 30, 2010

Day # 95 - Friends like these

I think I'm a pretty nice guy. I do my best to please people. I always have. Sometimes to my own detriment. I was never a "look out for Number One" kind of guy. Sometimes I think that if I were, I would somehow get more respect. But I am not about to trade in my humanity.

A few months ago, I went to work for some friends. They wanted to expand their business and I was looking for a new job after being let go from the bank where I had worked for the previous three years.

To save unnecessary details: it didn't work out. I was seen by people one way, the job didn't suit that image, so getting clients was not easy. My "partners" are semi-retired, so when I did land a client, if I needed help and it was too far away or the deal would be too labor-intensive, I was told to let it go, that it was "not worth it." I disagreed, because I needed to raise money for my family, but what was I going to do?

Now, these guys won't even speak to me. There are a few, minor, loose ends to sew up so if they have a question, I get a text message instead of a phone call. Welcome to the 8th grade, OMG! I am inclined to slap the hell out of people who act this way, but I know it's not productive. So, I pray for them. I pray that the devil will no longer use them in the way he is using them. I would have loved for our friendship to continue in spite of the business arrangement not succeeding, but some people need drama. Don't be one of those people. If you already are, change. Soon enough you will lose friends.

When I mentioned the devil in the previous paragraph, I was serious. The enemy will use people to get to you. All he cares about is hurting God. He's still pissed. The only way he can get to God, is through us. Don't let people take your joy and don't destroy them when they do. Chances are, they're under influences they don't even understand. Anger, jealousy, envy, all of those negative feelings are meant to destroy us and our relationships. Don't allow it.

I apologize if my writing is contrived this morning. I am trying not to give too much away here.

Choose your friends carefully. Remember, if you have a friend who badmouths other people to you, chances are this friend is throwing you under every available bus, too. I should have followed my gut and kept these people as friends. Instead, I missed other opportunities only to be treated like a leper in the end. Always follow your gut. Enough. Make it a great day.

- Adolfo


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Sunday, August 29, 2010

Day # 94 - Spin Psycho

What a day yesterday. I started the morning with a spin class. I was determined to do it. In my case, it's always been a matter of finding the time more than the motivation, but I also believe there is always time to be found. We have to just shift our priorities. How much time do you spend watching TV? What are you getting out of it? How much time do you spend in traffic each day? What's on the radio? Often, you're just misusing your time. This is one of the lessons I have learned thus far.

Exercise as a metaphor for personal development?:

Aside from the instructor and myself, everyone in that spin class was a woman. Talk about motivation! I hadn't taken a spin class in about two years. I wasn't expecting to take anyone home or anything, but it's one of those guy things. Quitting sucks, it sucks more in front of a room full of girls. I looked around at some of the ladies as they walked in and they didn't seem to be in amazing physical condition, just average. A ways into the class, when none of them had stopped but my legs were burning and I was gasping a little for air and wanted to quit, looking at them kept me going.

By the way, if you're not familiar with spinning, it's what happens when you combine a stationary bicycle with a CIA secret torture prison.

Sometimes we are motivated by our desires: It was my desire to lose weight and improve my overall physical condition that got me into that class. And other timers we are motivated by external stimuli: There was no way I was going to rest, much less quit, in front of a room full of people - especially women.

I came home yesterday from spinning and was treated to four hours of hard labor. Last night, I went to work around 9:00 PM and worked until about 1:30AM. My back is killing me, my legs are sore, and I feel great. I did what I set out to do. I didn't quit and didn't slow down. That's how it's done.

Next spin class is on Wednesday. I'll let you know how it goes.

Remember: It doesn't really matter where your motivation comes from, as long as you don't ignore it. Use the motivation in your quest to become the best person you can be.

And spin psycho spin!

- Adolfo

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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Day # 93 - Q1 Results

I am a quarter of the way through A Year Without News. I can honestly say I have changed, improved. But as long as I'm being honest, I have to say I have a long way to go.

I have improved in the following ways:

- I gave up caffeine. I have been steadfast in this. I have proven to myself that I don't need it. If you think you need it you are wrong. I am still up every morning by five and I am still as energetic (fidgety) as ever. I have the same results without the addiction.

- I am more active. I went to the Y last week four times to swim laps. I know I have a long way to go. I promised myself that by the end of the year, I would be below 200 pounds. This morning, I will be at the Y taking a spin class.

- I am healthier. Because of the commitment to improve myself, I am eating better overall. Don't get me wrong, I am not going vegan. Animals taste good and God placed them on the planet for us to enjoy. However, I have reduced the salty McBurgers and other crap I used to eat daily. I understand that there is no sense improving my mind and keeping it in a rotten body.

- I am more patient. This has always been a challenge for me. Now, this doesn't mean I am any more willing to swallow nonsense. In fact, I think I am more likely to spit it right back at whomever is feeding it to me. But I am learning not to sweat the things I can't control. I am learning to ignore people who bring nothing but aggravation.

- My temper is more under control. I won't say completely under control because I still lose it now and then, but not as often and not in the extreme way I used to.

- I curse less than I used to. I am not completely rid of four-letter words, but *(#$$% ####*(*^^ give me a chance! I'm working on it!!!

- My focus is improving. I am still an ADD kid, but I'm getting better. Where was I going with this? Oh, well. You get the point.

So is it worth it? I will answer this question again at the end of the Year. I will probably answer it again at the end of each quarter. And I am sure that my answer will always be the same as it is today: Yes!

Find what's holding you back. Find the anchor hanging around your neck, and cut it away. Let go of the hurts of your past. Let go of negative people. Let go of destructive relationships. Let go of anger. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Endeavour to live the life you have imagined.

- Adolfo


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Friday, August 27, 2010

Day # 92 - Odds and Ends

Very busy day yesterday. I'm sure there were lessons in there, but I'm just trying to figure out what they are.

One lesson, and I've discussed it before, is that God will never bless you with more until you take care of what you already have. He wants you to be ready to receive the blessing. We've all read stories about people winning the lottery and ending up broke again. This is why God wants you to be ready. He won't make you ready, that part is up to you. It's part of what I love about God: He will give you everything, but he'll let you screw up, too. He respects free will.

Another, which comes from Yogi Berra, is that it ain't over until it's over. The deal I wrote about a couple of weeks ago, a very time sensitive takeover of an existing business, is ongoing. Today was supposed to be the deadline, but we have gotten the parties involved to cooperate while our investor is out of the country. Of course, he's in Cuba, may as well be on Mars because calling Cuba is practically impossible. My partner and I are in the middle of a four-way negotiation and we have two of those sides working with us. The third party will work with us once he returns to the planet. The point is that you have to be patient and flexible. Make relationships with the people you are dealing with and things will always go smoother.

From Melissa's teacher I was reminded that we need to see the good and the bad. She told us how her son once confessed to being nervous about getting a B in his schoolwork because she would only focus on the grades below A. She had never noticed what she was doing but it was hurting the kid. So especially with your kids, praise when it is earned, constructively criticize when it is warranted. Also, praise publicly, criticize privately.


God bless you. Make it a great day.

- Adolfo

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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Day # 91 - Make your choice

Rough day yesterday. No doubt about it. All sorts of trouble with the house. Other trouble too, stuff I'd rather not discuss. That's not why I'm up. I was out late meeting with some prospective clients and ate dinner later than I should have, went to bed earlier than I'm used to and here I am.

I met with a fan club yesterday. I am wooing them. I would like them to come to my bar for game watching parties. They are bound by their love of sports and one team in particular, one I have never been a fan of. But I have to say their enthusiasm for the sport and their loyalty to their team is inspiring.

So I met with these folks and had a great time chatting with them. All the while, the trouble of the day was weighing heavily on me. But as I chatted with them, as I enjoyed their company, I felt the weight lifting and I was able to remind myself that no matter what, it's all temporary. It only lasts forever if you want it to. This is the point of today's post.

There is good and there is bad every day. You decide which to focus on. I have friends who only focus on the bad. I actually have one who won't answer or return my calls because I had to reschedule a visit. Never mind how much I've done for this person in the past, their focus is on the one negative thing. I don't call this person any more. We may never speak again and you know... I'm fine with that. I don't need the drama.

I could have allowed the bad news to ruin everything for me or I could have a good time. I chose a good time. There will always be challenges. If I let them get the better of me, I will always come out losing. I chose to win.

Remember, every day gives you choices. You make your choice and decide what kind of day you will have. Do this every day and soon enough you will have decided what kind of life you're going to have. And that's what it's all about.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Day # 90 - Isaiah 31 or something like that.

Last night I read my bible for a while. I am no biblical scholar. I'm not a scholar of any type. But I know when God is speaking to me - and lately He's been shouting!

For too long, I have refused to learn from my mistakes. I have become too comfortable, too fat and lazy for my own good (like an elected official.) Well, He decided it was time for me to learn my lesson.

Example 1:

I have a knack for making money. Not millions (yet) but I always find a way to make a buck. So when I lost my job and went seven months without work, and then my business fell by 90% because of the economy and the unusually cold winter, I should have learned my lesson. By the way, shouldn't both of my issues been avoided with the stimulus and global warming? No? Maybe I missed the memo. My life should have been extremely rough during those seven months, but it wasn't. Everything was fine. I hustled, kept earning a little money here and there and I was fine. Now, I am working and things should be back to normal, but I find this isn't exactly the case. God is making sure I learn my lesson.

Example 2:

I've owned my house for seven years. Like most homeowners, I started out taking great care of it but lately, I have kind of abandoned it. I haven't taken care of it the way I should. Now, the house is complaining.

I feel like I'm being spanked in a cosmic sense. My butt is not sore, but I am hurting.

I am not whining or complaining. I am simply making an observation and sharing it. It's important to listen to the still small voice in your hear, the feeling in your gut. When your thoughts wake you at three in the morning, listen to them. There is wisdom in the morning breeze.

My interpretation of Isaiah 31 was that God helps those who help themselves and that those who look to the government or blame everyone else will get nothing. I am sure bible scholars would tell me I am wide of the mark. That's fine. This worked for me and helped me see what I needed to see. The development of Adolfo Jimenez took a big step today.

God bless you, make it your best day yet.

-Adolfo


http://bible.cc/isaiah/31-1.htm

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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Day # 89 - The 40-Hour Work Weak!

There are no perfect situations. Each situation, good or bad, is what you make of it. You decide whether it's a good day or a bad day. You decide if that email from your boss will ruin your evening or your weekend or even part of your vacation. We live in the 24-hour world so it's easy for work and its aggravations to follow you home. You need to decide whether that's acceptable or not.

I work practically around the clock. I sleep around six hours and will start the morning by checking emails, which is how I end my day. I have been up since five this morning (it's now 5:27) and here I am writing my blog, which is work. I will make and take a few calls after dropping off the kids this morning. In fact, I have a collection call to make. It shouldn't be unpleasant, but it's never fun to ask for money, even if it is owed to you.

But let's be honest: no one ever built a successful career or business working forty hours per week. As Brian Tracy said, "The forty hour work-week is the worst bill of goods ever sold to the American people." He's right. While I believe in work-life balance, I believe that if you want to have more, you have to do more. 40 is the number of survival.

I have a full-time plus job (about 60 hours including work done at home via Crackberry and laptop) I own a business, which takes little time, a few hours a week. I write this blog, and I serve on a couple of community boards. I also find time to network. I also read about a book a week. How can I achieve work-life balance? Simple:

I choose what my life should be. I don't watch television anymore. I disconnected the cable. I should have done it years ago. I don't miss it. My kids are more active and less sarcastic because they're not trying to make the same wise remarks I-Carly or Hannah Montana pass off as humor. I also limit my social activities, trying to do as many of them as possible during work hours. I rarely go out for a drink (once or twice a year - yes, year.) I don't have a regular poker game I attend. I don't spend my Sundays glued to the television watching football. I do watch the Dolphins and some times a couple more games, but I don't obsess about it. And now that I don't have cable, that' probably over. I don't sleep in and I don't demand me time. I make "me" time. I do it by waking up 90 minutes before anyone else in the house.

How to achieve work-life balance:

- Prioritize: Eliminate what really doesn't matter, like TV.
- Schedule: There is a time for work and a time for family- if you make it so.
- Live in the Now!: When you are at work, work. When you are at play, play. You'll get more work done, and you'll get more joy out of the time spent with family and friends.

The truth is, I only know what works for me. I am done with my morning work and I still have about 30 minutes to myself before the morning insanity starts. I'll drop off the kids, go get a quick workout, and get to work. When I am at work, I will focus on work. Then I'm going to get a haircut. I really need one.

God bless you and make it a great day.

- Adolfo



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Monday, August 23, 2010

Day # 88 - A Little Friendly Competition

Back in June, I announced I would give up caffeine. I have. As you see, it hasn't affected me, because it's 5:29AM as I write this and I've been up for a while. My life has improved. More importantly, my children are pretty much at zero caffeine. We serve water with every meal in the house now. I also gave up fast food for the most part. There have been a couple of lapses, but I try to go with the best choices. Abby is also losing weight and changing her eating habits. In fact, she is at the YMCA pool right now. Tomorrow morning it's my turn for an early morning swim.

For ten years we have been one another's enabler. One of us would take our health seriously and the other wouldn't be interested or supportive. Now, we have made a game of it. Every morning we are on the Wii Fit Plus weighing ourselves, congratulating one another on our progress. We go walking, swimming, or bowling. We have eliminated junk food from the house. Abby is a great baker (it was the family business a few years back) and has been experimenting with new recipes, but most of it is out the door to our testers so we don't see it or we see very little of it. Small disciplines are adding up to big differences.

Of course, there is the trash talking. We challenge one another constantly. I keep reminding her that I am the superior athlete and she reminds me of her superior will power. We never hurt one another. We each have a vested interest in the other's success, so we're just having fun and keeping each other motivated.

It's hard to change your life without someone to be accountable to. I've tried it several times and failed. 88 days into this and I feel accountable to the readers of this blog. I feel accountable to my parents and mostly to my children, who deserve a healthy father. Mostly, though, I am accountable to myself. I owe it to myself to be my best. God has blessed me with two hands, two arms, two legs and feet, not too bad of a brain in my head. For me not to use everything I have to the best of my ability would be a sin. Sadly, it is a sin committed by millions and millions of people every day. Are you one of them? If so, I challenge you to make one little change. Maybe less TV, more exercise, giving up alcohol. Work a little harder. Save more money. For me, it started with giving up news and it is compounding daily. The same can happen to you. 277 days to go and who knows where I'll land!

Today's Lessons:

- We are all competitive to some degree (or should be) so make a competition out of your goals, even if it's the person you want to be competing against the person you used to be.

- Be accountable to someone. Whatever you're trying to accomplish, find a buddy. Join a Meetup group or get together with some friends or co-workers, and be the voice in each other's ear.

- Don't be afraid to engage in a little friendly smack talking. Always respectful, of course.

- Make a competition out of goals and then make a game of competition.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.

- I am working toward my goals and I am focused.

- I am unstoppable.
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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Day # 87 - Being here

We're in the pool at the Y. Emily is floating on her back. She's a little nervous and wants to be able to feel me near her as she lays there with her eyes closed. She ask me not to leave her alone. I wouldn't dream of leaving her alone, and all I can think to say is, "Daddy's here."

At the end of the pool, there's a man who came with his kids. His kids are roughhousing and the lifeguard keeps blowing her whistle at them. The "father" is on the phone, oblivious to his kids.

I understand the importance of work. I know sometimes you have to take calls at inconvenient times, but what could be more important than your kids and what time could be more inconvenient to take a phone call than the little time spent with them? Had he any intention of being "there" he would not have had his phone. It would have been in his gym bag or hidden under his shirt. Frankly, I would have preferred for his furry back to be hidden under his shirt, but that's a whole other column.

The simple words I told my daughter, "Daddy's here," meant the world to her. She knew she was safe. She knew there was someone nearby who loves her more than anyone else loves her and that no matter what, she was going to be protected. I started thinking about how many kids never hear those words. I think about how many kids barely know their fathers and how many have never met their fathers. What poor excuse for a man could live with himself under those circumstances?

Any man can take a woman to bed. It's the easiest thing in the world. You don't even have to do it well to create a child. It requires no license or screening. It requires nothing but a willingness to engage in pleasurable behavior. Gee, tall order.

Our society has almost made fathers irrelevant. I remember when I was a single dad and people would see me with my sons. The would tell me how great it was that I was there for my kids. My answer was always, "Where else would I be if not there for my children?" It was always my feeling that I didn't deserve praise for being a father any more than an employee deserves praise for showing up to work. I do, however, believe that deadbeat dads should be humiliated. I believe their faces should be plastered on billboards across America. It's not a privacy issue. When a man fails to be a man, we pick up the tab in the form of welfare, food stamps, W.I.C. and the like. When that kid ends up in jail, and he is more likely to end up in jail, we are the victims of his crimes and we get to pay the bill for his housing and sustenance.

The point of this is that something as simple as being there can make all the difference in the world. Sure, a man must deal with his financial obligations to his kids, but being a father is priceless and the returns are astronomical. While there are exceptions, Barack Obama being the most notable, most kids who grow up without a father don't make it out of high school, much less through Harvard.

The lesson today is that kids need fathers. While it's become fashionable to be a single mother, there is no doubt that a kid is better with two parents. Fathers are the model for the man their sons will become and the man their daughters will marry. Don't you want that person to be a man of honor?

God bless you and may you be a blessing to your children. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Saturday, August 21, 2010

Day # 86 - Opportunity II

The opportunity I wrote about a week or so ago is still in process. Time is of the essence. Literally. This deal has to get done in about six days or it will end up costing us an additional 100k at a minimum. I met with an major player in the deal yesterday. He is a very shrewd young man. In all honesty, I went in there expecting something totally different than what I got. I decided to lay all my cards face up on the table and it seems to me he did the same.

It proved that even though sometimes in a negotiation you have to hold back some information, you must be honest and make an effort to be friends with the person on the other side of the table. The world is small enough that you can end up across the table from him again some day. If you can make a deal, fine. If you can't, then it's always best to part friends.

Now I have to go back to the party I am representing and give them what I think is good news, but what they may consider bad news. I can't go into too much detail, but essentially what I need to do is sell them a $10 bill for a buck. Sounds easy, but they want it for a dime. I am working for experience here so I don't stand to make a dime if the deal falls through. I make approximately a dime if I am successful.

There are many opportunities in this situation and the biggest for me is the experience I am gaining. I hope I will get this wrapped up soon so I can reveal what it's all about. Until then, keep guessing.

Lessons:

- It's always better to negotiate as friends.
- Honesty is still the best policy.
- You won't gain unless you are willing to give.

I have a fun day planned today. I hope you do, too. God bless you and make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Friday, August 20, 2010

Day # 85 - Good night

Today will be my daughters' third day of school. In an hour we will will be hustling and bustling and getting breakfast and brushing a lot of hair and finding socks. Why is it always so hard to find socks? I mean, we buy them by the half-dozen and three days later... not a sock to be found within a thousand miles.

I always sit with them for a few minutes at bedtime to remind them to say their prayers and to think happy thoughts and dream big dreams for the following day. I didn't always do this. This is a recently learned behavior. I talk to them about things going on in my life and ask them to pray for me and for their mommy. They pray for their brothers and for the kids in Haiti. They pray for their classmates, even the ones they don't get along with, they pray for our country and our soldiers.

Whether you believe in God or not, the power of prayer is undeniable. There is no doubt left that positive thoughts, sent forth into the universe, will have a positive effect. It's been proven in medical studies, where groups of people have prayed for patients on the other side of the world without the knowledge of the patient. The person being prayed for had a faster rate of healing than the person not being prayed for. It's amusing that in such an illogical world, we dismiss this because it's not scientifically provable. That doesn't stop the global warming crowd.

Positive self-talk is an important ingredient in personal development and success. In fact, if you don't think well of yourself, you can never do your best. Prayer is the ultimate self-talk. When you pray, you are talking to your source, to the Creator of the universe. When you get Him on your side, you've got a top-notch corner man.

Each night, and throughout the day, I remind my children that they are great, that there are no limits on what they can accomplish. Last night, Melissa told me school is hard. I told her:

"School is not hard. A billion kids have done it. Imagine being the first person to jump out of an airplane. Imagine being the first person to fly in an airplane. Imagine being the President. Those things are hard, and you're smarter than any of the people who have done those things. You have more smarts in your little toe, than Einstein had in his whole brain."

If I had agreed with her, and told her that she was right, that school is hard, I would have given her an out. I would have failed as a father and as the leader of my family. This is why words must be chosen carefully and there is no such thing as exaggeration when it comes to praising your kids.

Today's Lesson:

- It's easier to praise than to criticize. Both are powerful. When you criticize your child, you are tying their hands and capping their potential. This is not to say you shouldn't scold or punish, but let the first and last words they hear every day be overwhelmingly positive.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will build up my children and the people around me. I will never use my words to destroy.

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Day # 84 - Don't jinx it

Careful what you wish for, it may come true. We've all heard the expression and we've all used it. How often have you said it to yourself? It's not always a matter of wishing for something. Sometimes we constantly wish something away, but our obsession with the object attracts it to us. Am I not making sense? I'm a little punchy so please forgive me.

84 days of writing every day has been a challenge. Especially since I still have 281 days to go. When people talk to me about the blog, too often I have mentioned that the biggest challenge is knowing what I'm going to write about next. Yesterday I said it a couple of times and here I am. It's not even two in the morning and I'm up. Why? I think I might have been worried about fulfilling my own prophecy. So I can tell you that from here on out, I will not talk about how hard it is, I will talk about how much fun it is.

Nothing is impossible. You really can achieve anything you put your mind to. I set out to write about how avoiding news would change my life. I did it not knowing what to expect. All I knew at the beginning was that I wanted to be better at the end than I was at the beginning. I think I have already accomplished that goal and I'm less than a quarter of the way done. The exciting part is when I think of how much better I will be when I have completed my year.

Today's Lessons:

- Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better. - Jim Rohn
- You can't unscramble eggs. Eliminate negative talk from your vocabulary because once you put it out there, you can't get it back.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will speak blessings over myself, my family, my friends, and even my enemies.
- I am a positive person. I look forward to each new day with excitement.
- I am optimistic, knowing that every day brings new opportunities.

Don't jinx yourself. Don't jinx the people around you. Wish and speak the best for yourself and everyone you come in contact with. Be a blessing in the lives you touch. Believe in your heart that you can do anything you decide to do and declare it with your mouth.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Day # 83 - Expectations

Back to school today. Not all schools, but my daughters start today. Half day. Melissa is in 2nd Grade, Emily's in Kindergarten. Melissa was on the Principal's Honor Roll all last year. I expect the same. Emily did above average in 4K last year, but I expect more.

I expect these things, but I don't push them. I expect my children to to their absolute best. If a person is not cut out to be a straight "A" student, so be it. But once you have proven your potential, I will expect you to live up to it constantly.

My parents knew my potential. I used to screw up a lot in spite of my (according to all my teachers) obvious intelligence. I was given my first IQ test in 1st or 2nd grade and my results were such that my Vice Principal was moved to tears. I can still remember her telling me that I was so intelligent, that I was smarter than 90% of the kids out there, that I could be anything I put my mind to...

She may as well have been speaking Chinese. My parents didn't know how to motivate me and besides, they were too busy trying to keep me out of handcuffs. So, I allowed my intelligence to atrophy while I skipped school, got in trouble, and generally stopped caring. By 17 I was a dropout.

No one told me what they were expecting, only what they wanted. No one told me what to expect. Please don't misunderstand me, my parents were (are) phenomenal and I know how blessed I was to have them. The fact that my police record is clean is a testament to my parents and the whippings I was handed. My sister toughed it out and got her degree. She met her own expectations where I didn't have any.

So my kids are being given clear expectations. They are expected to do their best, to be the best they can be, and to never give up. They know that failure only happens when you stop trying, and that the words "I can't" will get them ten Jumping Jacks. Over the next school year, as I write this blog, I will always have the lessons of my own wasted youth in mind. It's why I am up at 5:00 AM writing. It's why I go to bed thinking about the next day, and why I spend part of each day thinking about next week and next year and the next five years. I have to set my own expectations, because that's where I'm going.

Today's Lessons:

- People (especially kids) will meet you at your expectations.
- Practice what you preach, but share your mistakes, too. In other words, if you did drugs, telling your kids not to doesn't make you a hypocrite, it gives you a unique opportunity to share your wisdom.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will have high expectations of myself and others, knowing we all rise to meet expectations.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Day # 82 - What's in a name?

The sweetest sound you will ever hear is the sound of your own name. I guess that means the worst sound is the sound of someone getting your name wrong. When your name is Adolfo, it happens all the time. I'm not sure why. It's not complicated. Six letters, evenly split between vowels and consonants. I thinks it's a pretty nice name, actually.

But man, do people mess it up.

I woke up this morning unsure what I would write about. In fact, I had no idea. Then I checked my crackberry, and saw where someone responded to my generosity with, "Thanks, Alfredo." They dropped an "O" from my name and added "R" and "E" and completely changed the tone of the letter. The message was to thank me for a donation. Maybe I'm being hypersensitive, but the impact of the letter was lessened because the sender didn't take the four seconds required to get my name right. In fact, I don't remember anything else about the message.

Details will make the difference in anything you do. I know this mostly because I have never been a detail person. I know what this has cost me over the years. Perhaps it's because my name is somewhat unusual, but I have always been pretty good about proper pronunciation and spelling of names. As a sales guy, and knowing that it is the sweetest sound to its owner, it has always been a major point for me.

A month or two ago, I got a message on facebook from a website designer who started by screwing up my name: "Adolpho" I think, and then telling me my business website looks like it was designed in 1994. He didn't get the sale not only because of the name thing, but his ham-fisted approach was offensive. I designed the website myself and it has made me a lot of money over the years. He was wrong and insulting.

Whether you are in sales or just want to make more friends, make the effort to get people's name right and improve your communications skills. It's an easy investment in improving your career and your personal life.

Thought for today:

- As always, it's the seemingly little things that make all the difference in the world.
- If names aren't your strong suit. Learn some memory tricks, like repeating a person's name when you meet them and imagining them with someone else of the same name so you associate their name with the more familiar person. Little things. It's always the little things.

Remember: Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Monday, August 16, 2010

Day # 81 - Carpe Diem or Carpe Temporis Punctum

There are moments of frustration that can ruin even a good day. Often these are not big things, they are little thorns and rather than pull them out, we let them irritate us until our pain becomes everyone else's pain.

Saturday night, my son Steven called me. He was stuck on Alligator Alley with his girlfriend and his four-year old daughter. Their car was overheating. He mentioned something about the car having trouble (before leaving on the trip) and I immediately jumped on that. The rest of the world faded away. How could he be so irresponsible? How could he drive the alley with a toddler in an unreliable car?

I told him I would see what I could do. Bottom line is I took a drive out to the alley. AAA told me a tow truck would be $5 per mile, which would have added up to $300+ dollars so I decided to drive it home myself. We made it to Fort Lauderdale before the care heated up.

I left the car overnight and repaired it myself. Problem solved. Total cost: six bucks and a little aggravation.

I told you that to tell you this:

When we stopped out there on the alley, in all that darkness, I did something I hadn't done in a while: I looked up at the stars. There were too many to count, too many to understand, and they were beautiful beyond words and it reminded me of driving with Steven and AJ, going to Lakeland when they were kids, stopping on State Road 60, stopping and laying on the hood of the car to see the millions of stars out there. Amazing. They're always there, but the ambient light makes them impossible to see. Looking at the stars calmed me. I guess it made me realize how small and insignificant a broken-down car really is.

Life is made up of moments, some happy, some sad, some aggravating, some gratifying. I hadn't seen Steven in a while and I would have preferred different circumstances, but it was nice to see him. We drove together along the alley and had a chance to talk about a lot of things. It was nice to reconnect. It was nice to seize the moment and just talk with my son.

Thoughts for today:

- Seize the moment.
- Look up at the stars now and then. While your problems may seem important, reminding yourself that there is a vast universe out there helps you remember how insignificant they really are.

Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will always remember to let the little things slide.
- I will never waste a chance to talk to someone I love or to look up and count the stars.

Little things matter. If you ignore them, you will soon enough start ignoring big things. Learn to love them all.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

-Adolfo

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Sunday, August 15, 2010

Day # 80 - Watch your mouth

We have all said something regrettable in a moment of anger, something we wish we could take back, sometimes before the words have left our lips. Other times we know we're going to regret saying something and we say it any way. You may not be thinking of it at the moment, but at some level you know you should probably shut up or think of something else to say.

It's hard to overstate the importance of words. Words from a president can lead to war or sink global markets. Words of encouragement from a parent or a teacher can give a kid a much needed boost. Words from a spouse can encourage, or wound. Words from a child can overwhelm you, or simply leave you laughing or shaking your head.

Think back to an important moment in your life. You will always remember the words that marked the occasion. If you have had a life-changing moment, it is likely because of something someone said to you. We may not remember everything our fathers did, but we are reminded of what they said because we repeat it to our own children. That's not always a good thing, but hopefully your filter is fully engaged.

Remember next time you are speaking to someone, anyone, the importance of your words. They matter more than you think. Remember to say "please" and "thank you." Remember to praise publicly and criticize privately. Remember that you never know when you are part of a life-changing moment so act as if you always are.

Emily Dickinson, my favorite poet, whom I named my daughter after said it best:

A WORD is dead
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day

Once spoken, your words go on and on. Make them count.

- Adolfo

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Saturday, August 14, 2010

Day # 79 - How we see things

We don't see things how they are, we see things as we are. Bias is going to happen. It's practically impossible to be completely impossible. Yesterday I had a conversation with a few friends, all of whom I care about and respect, none of whom I agree with on the question of politics.

I am a libertarian. I don't believe the government has ever solved a problem. I think whenever the government sticks its nose in a problem, it gets worse. I think of welfare and education as two glaring examples of where the government got into areas with the stated intention of helping and have done more harm than good. When my liberal friends mention this. I tell them that as education spending has increased so has the rate of illiteracy in the US. The best they can do is say it has to do with Republicans. Who cares? The point is that it doesn't work! That's how I see it.

I have hard times like anyone else. I am proud of what I have endured and overcome in my lifetime. I also know that my hard times haven't been all that bad. I have learned to look at these things as challenges designed to make me stronger. I have learned not to yell every time I get a flat tire, cursing God and asking why the universe hates me. I don't care. These are bumps in the road, not roadblocks. The really serious ones are detours, but there is no turning back. I passed the point of no return a million miles ago. I wouldn't want to go back even if I could.

The biggest reason I am a libertarian is my belief in people. I believe in the power of every person to affect his own life. I believe you can be born in a ghetto and become president and I believe you can be born in a mansion and wind up eating out of dumpsters. I believe this is the beauty of life. I believe this is why there isn't, and should never be, a constitutional "guarantee" of happiness. All we are given is the opportunity to pursue it. How fast are you willing to run? Are you a jogger, or are you going to run until your sides hurt and your mouth tastes like pennies and your knees feel like they'll collapse under your weight?

Are you running from your problems or are you running after happiness, a better life, success, and the blessings that are yours to be earned? Are you looking for opportunities or excuses? Are you a woman, and therefore disadvantaged? Or are you a person of substance and therefore unstoppable? Are you a person of color? Or are you a colorful, imaginative person who knows no bounds?

Everything in your life, your upbringing, your race, religion, gender, orientation, age, background, your name, your family, literally everything about you can be a reason or an excuse. It's all in how you see it.

Thought for today:

- When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Jim Rohn.


God bless you. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo


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Friday, August 13, 2010

Day # 78 - The box! What's in the box?

Don't you hate the expression, "think outside the box"? Isn't using that expression indicative of "inside the box" thinking? In my experience, creative thinking shouldn't be categorized. You should just think. Allow your mind to do it's thing. Don't talk to yourself about limits or boxes because these activities take away from what you should be thinking about. I am a curious individual and I want to learn about most things. I want to understand everything. Maybe I don't want to understand math. I just don't see the point. It's been over twenty years since high school and I was right and the teachers were wrong: I have never used algebra in the real world. Who's the smart one now?

Don't answer that.

Creative thinking isn't about painting on canvas or writing poetry. It's about finding solutions to problems. It's finding a way around or over when through is not an option. It's understanding that you don't have all the answers. Actually, it's admitting you don't have all the answers. Creative thinking leads to creative actions and it takes guts. It takes the kind of courage a lot of people don't have. The sad part is that they don't even realize that fear of the new is the millstone around their necks.

The worse that can happen when you try a new approach is that your approach fails and you have to try something else. You didn't fail. You only fail when you fail to try. Forget the box, get off your cowardly ass and make something happen. Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. Never beginning in the first place is casting your failure in bronze.

When you try a different approach, there will be "in the box" thinkers who will shoot your idea down. I think of them as in a cage rather than a box. These nay-sayers are slaves to convention, to fear, and to insecurity. They make up their mind about a project before even thinking it through. These are the people with a head full of dreams and a pocket full of lint.

Yesterday I told you about a consulting gig I am doing. I have never really been a consultant, but someone saw my ability and I decided to give it a shot. The result was like yoga for the mind: I found myself using muscles I didn't know I had.

When I started HoneyBee Party Rental, I had no idea about the party rental business. I had never rented a bounce house for my own children. Didn't know the first thing about it. But when we decide to do it, I went all in. I spent the money, did the research and learned what to do by watching my competition and what not to do from my own mistakes. Some of those mistakes were costly, but they were an investment in my development as a business owner.

Two thoughts for today:

- When a true genius arrives in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. - Jonathan Swift

- Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein.

Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am unlimited. I am creative. God never gives me more than I can handle. I just need to believe in myself as much as He does.



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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Day # 77 - Wasted Emotion

I have been contracted as a consultant. Someone has asked me to lead the negotiation to buy an existing business - one that is in trouble. I sat down with the owner of the business last night. It was the first date. Rule number one in a first date should be show respect and go slow. Unfortunately, we are working on a very limited time frame. We have about two weeks to get a very complicated deal done. I love this. Fun!

I initially sat down with the owner and the members of the group that want to buy the group. I made a tactical error by laying my cards out on the table first. I had some knowledge of the owner's situation, but still, I should have played my cards closer to the chest. The owner answered my questions, we chatted, and it seemed like I was stuck about ten feet shy of first base.

So I asked for a tour of the facility. I stayed real close to the owner, letting the others trail behind. We chatted and I nodded, showing my approval for all that had been accomplished.

Finally, I got the owner alone. Time for romance. She told me she was recently widowed. She told me how much money she lost. She told me about her immigrant background and her struggles and then started, on her own, to reveal things that she had been reluctant to reveal when the entire group was together. My plan worked. She told me everything I needed to know and essentially mapped out my strategy for me.

Now, there are two paths here. I can be a bastard and probably get the business for practically nothing. There is some risk here because a white knight can swoop in and rescue the business owner, leaving my group with nothing.

I don't want to do that because the risk outweighs the reward. I also see no point in trying to screw the owner. I want her to walk away believing she won. I also want my client to walk away believing he won. It is not impossible for everyone to win in a negotiation. In fact, it's preferable. We are beginning our due diligence and we'll see where we land. When I know, you'll know.

The woman's story is sad. No doubt about it. If I weren't trying to buy her business for someone at the best possible price, I would have choked up at all she's gone through. But emotion is a luxury I can't afford in this situation. All I am trying to accomplish is the most perfect deal possible: One in which my client is happy, and the seller doesn't feel like she got screwed with her pants on. Because her situation is so dire, she is within weeks of losing her entire investment. I could run out the clock on her and force her to make the deal I want, saving my client a ton of money. But I want good karma on this deal and every other deal I make. I also happen to know my client has money enough to make this fair. It's important to know what cards the other person is holding, but you also need to look at your own cards.

I've always referred to sympathy as a wasted emotion. If I feel bad for you, I will only end up hurting you. I will want to coddle you and baby you. I have a friend who has a son who is deaf. One day, we were talking about him and I said, "pobresito" which is Spanish for, "poor kid" (roughly.) Her eyes flashed with anger and she corrected me like a schoolteacher. She told me "poor kid, my a**! There's nothing wrong with my son." She probably wouldn't remember the conversation, but I will never forget it. She changed something in me.

Why do we always tell people to stop feeling sorry for themselves but never to stop feeling sorry for others? Empathy is a thing of beauty, to try to understand what a person is feeling is admirable and broadens our humanity. To feel sorry for them takes away their humanity.

I'll keep you posted on the deal.

- Adolfo

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Day # 76 - Opportunity

Opportunity has a way of showing up at what seems like a bad time, an inopportune time. The truth is, opportunity always shows up at the right time but we are often not prepared or we are too scared to take the plunge. This can be in business, in relationships, at our jobs, or in any other aspect of life.

The truth is, you are never ready for monumental change. Nothing in the world prepares us for watershed moments. It's hard to prepare for what you have never experienced. Notice I said it's hard, it's not impossible. The one way you can prepare is mentally.

You need to have the right mindset. Keep reminding yourself that you are capable of succeeding at whatever comes your way. Even if it feels like the opportunity is never going to come, stay prepared. Like an army that is always training for a war that may never come. If the need arises, there is no, "Wait a minute while I figure out how to load my rifle."

I have missed countless opportunities because of my own preconceived notion of what being ready is supposed to look like. I have looked at opportunities and listed the "Cons" without listing the "Pros." I have purposely sabotaged myself because of this idiotic notion that the right opportunity would come along when I was 100% ready.

Guess what? Ain't no such thing as 100% ready. When it's time to go, you go. Grab your parachute and make for the door. Worry about whether it will open once you're on the way down.

Today's Lessons:

- Each opportunity only knocks once. If it's not for you, fine. But never let fear or the feeling that you are unprepared keep you from pursuing the opportunity.
- Failure is an opportunity to begin again again more intelligently.
- Many people miss opportunity because it is dressed as work.
- An opportunity coming along is not a guarantee of success. It's only a shot at success.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will have the courage to accept opportunities that come my way.
- I will spend a portion of each day preparing for the opportunities that God is sending my way. And I will create opportunities for myself.


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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Day # 75 - Write Now!

Sometimes a traumatic event can reveal a talent or an ability. I am not suggesting that I have either. But I never wrote until I got divorced. I became a father at 19, my second son was born just before I turned 21 and my wife left me just after I turned 22. My older son was in New York and now I had nothing. I was 22 years old, barely more than a boy, and missing my boys so much I wished for death and considered doing it myself.

Instead, I wrote. I started writing poems. Day after day, I wrote. Short poems, long poems, haiku, I just wrote. Some rhymed, some didn't some were dark and serious, others were silly or romantic. All were heartfelt and all were therapy. Eventually, I graduated to short stories. I wrote dozens of those, and tons of essays. My collection now includes six feature-length screenplays, five novels, and this endless blog you are reading.

Guess what? I didn't commit suicide. Yes, I know that's obvious since I am not writing this via Ouija board, but the greater point is that writing allowed me a constructive way to release the pain I was feeling from missing my sons, and having a failed marriage. I shared some of my work with friends. I had one friend in particular who would want to hear new poems as I completed them. This was a great self-esteem boost.

I picked myself up, got my G.E.D.and enrolled in college. I went back to reading books with a vengeance. At this point, I was nearly 25 years old and I knew I was behind schedule. I never finished college, but by 27, I had my first management job. I am now (12 years later) a director, working at an executive level overseeing sales and marketing for two hotels and a restaurant. I am responsible for creating revenue so people can keep their jobs, I am a well-known and (hopefully) well-liked, respected member of my community. I have successfully run my own business and non profit organizations. I am on a first-name basis with elected officials and public figures (please don't hold that against me.)

Why do I tell you this? I am not bragging. I don't expect you to be impressed with this because I am not impressed with it. But it's not bad for a a Cuban-Arab-Euro-African-American kid from Hialeah. And why was I able to do this? Because I chose to write. I chose to use the gift God blessed me with. I chose to express myself.

A lot of people who knew me then don't recognize me now. The ex-wife who so brutally dumped me has told me repeatedly that she made a mistake. Her mistake was youth. It's hard to see into the future when you've barely any past. Nevertheless, that ship has sailed and she'll never come aboard again.

So now, at 39 years old, I am at a crossroads. I found myself in a bit of a rut. I had pursued writing for about ten years. Never found and agent. (Well, I found hundreds of them, none of whom wanted to rep me.) I was unwilling to become a waiter in order to pursue my grander ambitions. I am a capitalist, but with a decidedly artistic bent. If, during the last 17 years, you woke me up at 3:00AM and asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I would have told you to get the hell out of my house. Seriously, I would have answered, "I want to write. I want to speak publicly. I want to reach people."

I decided to start this blog and the project it chronicles to better myself and it has had unintended consequences, all of which have been positive. I have now written for 75 days straight, which is remarkable. Don't think so? Try it! Maybe this is God's way of making me work the fat out of my soul (as Hemingway put it.) I know I am becoming more aware of the world around me because I spend every today thinking about what I will write tomorrow. I go to bed having no idea what the topic will be and wake up with something rolling around upstairs. That's how today happened. I have no idea about tomorrow, but this is the beauty of what I'm doing. It's like driving for the sake of driving. I have no idea where I'll be when I run out of gas, but it doesn't matter, because getting there is all the fun.

The lesson today is to find your talent, find what makes you happy, and pursue it. Not at the expense of your well-being or of your family's security, but if you have not yet started your family, this is the time to chase the dream, to drive until you're out of gas.

God bless you. May He protect and guide you as you pursue your dreams. And make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo


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Monday, August 9, 2010

Day # 74 - Political Correctness: The not-so-silent killer (of dreams)

America is a country in decline. Has been for a while. Why? So many reasons, but the one that always sticks in my head is political correctness. Our society has developed this kind of neediness, this softness, that makes it very difficult for individuals to shine and when they do they are cast as the villain. Police work is now called profiling, so when the police are looking for terrorists, they have to strip-search grandma because we don't want anyone to feel bad. When a fire department in New England conducts tests to determine who gets a promotion and not enough minorities pass, the test is deemed racially biased and unfair. I didn't know saving lives was affected by race? By the way, I am a mixed-race individual, so put your righteous indignation where it belongs: in the toilet.

Schools are more concerned with self-esteem than education, which is probably the biggest destroyer of opportunity. If a kid doesn't know 2+2, teach him, don't give him a gold star for effort. In the real world there are no gold stars for efforts that result in failure, there are only two things: the opportunity to begin again and the labor pool outside of Home Depot.

Sports leagues that don't keep score are another major component of our decline. If you lose, you should feel bad, you should hate it. If it doesn't bother you, you are more likely to let it happen again. Look at anyone who is a winner at anything, be it sports, business, or life in general. Competitors win, people afraid of losing always lose. It is what it is.

Finally, we have a government and a media that is obsessed with your failure. Millionaires and executives are painted as evil. If a poor kid scrapes his way out of the projects, you never hear about it, unless he's an athlete. If a businessman cheats on his wife, or embezzles funds or commits fraud, you hear about it for weeks or even months. (Those of you in South Florida remember the endless coverage of Scott Rothstein - The Sun Sentinel dedicate a link on their website to the coverage. This is one of the reasons I quit the news.)

80% of millionaires in this country are self-made! That bears repeating: 80 per cent of millionaires in this country are self-made! Yet, the media and the president and congress would have you believe those people cheated you out of your money and that that's the only way to make it in America. How did Barack Obama make his millions? Did he lie, cheat, and steal? Millionaire and President before age fifty in one lifetime? No way! Well, yes way. I don't agree with the man's politics, but I admire his accomplishments. What I don't admire is that he is trying to block the rest of us from the same accomplishments.

It is up to us to love our country and to make it great. It owes us nothing more than the opportunity to make our own way in the world. If we fail, it is up to us to get up and try again. If we have helped others along the journey, than there may be someone there to help us, but even if no one is there, we need to get up and keep fighting. This is what separates a winner from a loser and this is what for 234 years has separated America from the rest of the world.

Today's Lessons:

- Political correctness is not good for anyone. It is a form of censorship and a destructive force in our society.
- Do not listen to the media. They would have you believe that minorities and women can't make it in the world without sports or Hollywood. This is nonsense. You can do anything you want to do if you are willing to work hard.
- Do not listen to politicians. These people for the most part are immune from the problems of real people. Governments keep growing while the economies that feed them are shrinking. How does that reflect the real world?

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I determine my level of success. Not the media, not the government.
- I do not need special treatment, quotas or political correctness to succeed. Everything I need to succeed is inside of me.

Get out there today and be your absolute best. Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Block out the negatives. Look at the beautiful and unique person God made you and see what He saw. You can do anything you want to do if you are willing to stop making excuses, stop letting others make excuses for you, and do it!

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Sunday, August 8, 2010

Day # 73 - Honest dealings

We have all dealt with people who are less than honest. Chances are you are dealing with someone right now who is less than honest. We are all guilty of omitting the occasional detail. We have all told a lie. No one's perfect. It's when dishonesty becomes policy that we're headed down a slippery slope.

A friend of mine was just put into an awkward situation with his employer. My friend is a hard worker, and he knows his business. He had decided to quit over a disagreement with his bosses, a disagreement over which he was expecting to be relieved of his position. They convinced him to stay, convincing him things would be different. Less than two weeks went by. He finished a big project and was told to hit the bricks. Literally, he had just finished the project thirty minutes prior to his dismissal. That's rough.

It's important to play your cards close to your chest, but to manipulate a person's entire life to suit your short-term goals is an awful abuse, particularly if you are the person's employer because we're talking about a person's life and livelihood.

Liars and thieves are among the worst people to deal with and the line between the due is barely perceptible. You wouldn't leave a known thief alone in your home for obvious reasons. You wouldn't believe someone you know to be a liar because you don't know where the truth ends and the lying begins. Once you have experienced this, the relationship is strained.

***DISCLAIMER***

I am not implying that I have never lied. I've told my share of lies and maybe more. But I have learned from my past experiences (read: mistakes) and have made honesty my policy. The truth eventually finds the light of day so why bother? Think of how many details you have to remember when you lie. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a detail person. I'm just going to level... with everyone.

Now, the situation my friend found himself in does not affect me in any real sense. I happen to know his employer (I know lots of people) but I don't know their side of the story. The truth is I don't want to know it. I am not indicting anyone, I am taking what I know about the situation and squeezing a few drops of wisdom from it. I don't think anyone would argue with my goal here.

Today's Lessons:

- Honesty is the best policy.
- When you're a liar, you have to remember every detail of every conversation. What hassle!
- Pinocchio. Enough said.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will be honest in my dealings with family, friends, co-workers, clients, and everyone I come in contact with.

Just be honest. Speak the truth. You'll sleep better, you'll feel better. You'll be better.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

-Adolfo


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Friday, August 6, 2010

Day # 72 - Micromanagement

I love micromanagement. I think it's great when you hire a person, which is in essence an endorsement of that person's history, background, and qualifications, and then let your actions tell them you don't trust them.

I know of a really big bank where micromanagement is the standard. A friend of mine actually applied for a job there and was told he would be micromanaged. They weren't kidding. I have friends and family who work for this bank and they are literally on 4 - 6 conference calls per day. The reason for the calls? To ask what they're doing, report the numbers, make up lies, excuses, etc.

It reminds me of what Princess Leia said, "The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers." She was talking to General Tartan and still had something of a British accent this early in the movie (Episode IV.)

The fact is you cannot control everything and all micromanaging does is alienate the person being managed. It doesn't work in business, in family affairs, or in relationships. It simply cannot be.

Just as it is advisable to let go of the things we don't or shouldn't care about, we need to loosen our grip on the things we love the most. Only then are they free to love us back.

Micromanagers are insecure and generally incompetent. They would rather be elbow-deep in your business than tend to their own, probably for fear of being discovered for the frauds they typically are. Of course, some are competent, they're just idiots who don't trust anyone.

It's obvious today's post has veered in the direction of business and management. It's okay, these are parts of our lives - definitely a part of mine. And you have to have a happy work life to be happy. Amen?

Today's Lessons:

- Surround yourself with great people and then trust them. Some of them may let you down, but most of them will surprise you.
- Show respect for people by giving them their independence.
- Respect free will.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I trust and respect the people around me and I know they will do their best for me.

So, don't be a micromanager. No one will like you. Have fun and believe in people. You won't be disappointed - at least not as often as you fear.

Make it your best (hands off) day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Day # 71 - Intimidation

I was reading David Falk's book, "The Bald Truth" yesterday and it reminded me of an experience I had about a year ago. David Falk was a sports super-agent, having represented greats such as Michael Jordan and Patrick Ewing. In the book, he wrote about being deposed and all the effort the opposing counsel put into trying to intimidate him. Falk was not intimidated because he had the truth on his side.

About a year ago, I received a summons to appear for an interrogation -oops- a deposition! It was in reference to a client of the bank I worked at. One of my elderly customers left her money to a friend / caretaker upon her death. The family, which I never met and never really seemed to care for this client, suddenly came out of the woodwork to get there piece of the pie. The friend / caretaker never complained, never said a word. She had been a true friend to my client, driving her around, feeding her, taking her to doctor's appointments, etc. The "family" wanted the money.

So I sit in this room with the lawyer, who looks like Joe Pesci in Casino minus most of the hair. He asks if I'd like something to drink. I ask how long this process will take. He looks puzzled. I inform him that I am not thirsty, but if we're going to be here a while, I'd like some water because all the talking will doubtless make me thirsty. The assistant brings me water. The questioning begins.

"Mr. Jimenez, what's your educational background?"
"How is that relevant?"
"I want to know?"
"But how is it relevant?" (I'm having fun with this schmuck, the truth is on my side.)
"I need to get an idea of your background to establish your qualifications as a banker?"
"But my employer already qualified me as a banker when they hired me."
He shoots me a look, "Will you please answer the question?"
"I am a high school dropout. I got me G.E.D. at age 24 and took a few college courses, but I never graduated."
At this point, the lawyer is salivating, he's already counting his money. He is so badly underestimating me that I feel bad for him. He thinks he's the cat, but he's the mouse, and I am toying with him. Why? Because people like him tend to rely too heavily on their title. He thinks I'm going to fear him because he's a lawyer. I couldn't care less.

I played the game with him for a short while that day. Often asking him to clarify his questions. We met a second time for a longer session and he was still as arrogant and I continued to manhandle him. Why? Because all he could see was the fact that I didn't have a college degree. He saw me as inferior. What a fool. I think of great men throughout history who don't have degrees:

Jesus Christ
Ernest Hemingway
Harry Truman
Karl Rove
Michael Dell
Bill Gates
Adolfo Jimenez

And the list goes on. I am not proud of not having a degree, but I press on, knowing education comes from life, school is where you get training.

I did not allow the little lawyer to intimidate me. I must have done a good job because I never heard from him again. He wanted to intimidate me into making his case for him. It didn't happen. No way. I had the truth on my side, the courage of my convictions, and the confidence that comes from knowing I am good at what I do.

Never allow yourself to be intimidated. Once you show fear, you are dead where you stand. When you are intimidated, you can be manipulated (rhyme unintentional, I promise.) And you lose your personality, you lose your confidence, your concentration. When we are in fear, we are effectively paralyzed. As Gordon Liddy said, "Defeat the fear of death, and you welcome the death of fear." Defeat the fear of anything and you welcome the death of fear.

Today's Lesson:

- Have the courage of your convictions.
- Fear is to be controlled. It's natural, but it's not healthy. Tame that beast.
- "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil,for You are with me. - Psalm 23
- I fear nothing because I have the truth on my side.

Be bold, be brave, be confident, and never be intimidated. Remember the second best way to deal with a bully is by punching him in the mouth. The best way is by outsmarting him.

Make it a great day, your best yet. Fear nothing. God bless you.

-Adolfo

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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Day # 70 - Attraction

We all attract something. What we attract is determined by our demeanor, our attitude, and our expectations. I am a sales guy, though not in the traditional sense. I don't try to close the sale. I don't really try to overcome objections. I don't do boiler room thing. I just am. What am I? Myself, of course. I am more interested in making you happy than in closing you. As a result, I see less prospects than the average sales guy, but I have a higher close ratio. It doesn't work for the high-pressure types. They need to be in someone's face all the time. I just want to be your friend.

This has always been my approach, and as a result, I have rarely found myself in confrontations. I rarely deal with jerks. I deal with friends. This isn't just in sales, this applies to life in general. You attract what you are. Misery loves company, but so does joy. I choose to work with agreeable people. I choose to be liked by my clients. I believe negotiation doesn't need to be adversarial and that scripted sales calls are an offense to the person you are selling to. If you aren't yourself, you'll never know who you're supposed to be. It's like having to remember all the lies you told: more trouble than it's worth.

Today's Lessons:

- This above all: To thine own self be true.
- You will attract what you are and what you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with winners and you will be a winner. If you are a winner, you will attract winners. The opposite, of course, is true.
- Make friends of prospects and you will make clients of friends.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am in the business of making friends.
- I am surrounded by positive people. They positively influence me and I positively influence them.

You attract what you are and you are what you surround yourself with, consume, and think. Make the right choice in the beginning and the rest will fall into place.

Make it your best day. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Day # 69 - Happy Happy Joy Joy

Are you one of those people who takes themselves too seriously? If so, why? I remember sitting down with a priest a couple of years ago (no, I was not in confession, I was his banker) and his personal philosophy was, "It's all B.S." Only he didn't say B.S., he said the actual word. He told me about a fellow priest who had this motto engraved on a plate mounted to the inside of his casket. That's pretty funny. But it's true, too.

We spend so much time and energy sweating the insignificant little details of our lives that we miss the Happy Happy Joy Joy. Life is short, especially the fun parts of it. When we learn to take ourselves less seriously; when we accept that it's all B.S., we can truly enjoy all the good things.

This is part of why I gave up news. Not that the tragedies were B.S., but me getting worked up about them was. I can't help end misery if I am miserable. I need to be happy and disconnecting myself from far away suffering that was, by the time I heard about it, beyond my control made little sense. I prefer to broadcast my positive feelings everywhere I go, assuming it will land where it is needed.

When we learn to let go of things that are beyond our control, we free ourselves. We liberate ourselves from the worries of our former lives. I am not advocating irresponsibility, I am making a case for focusing on what truly matters. Don't worry about paying your bills. Let it go, do your best at work, the money will come and soon your bills will no longer be a problem. I'm not saying you'll love them, but you won't fear them either. Don't worry about your health. Instead, do what is right. Eat better, give up fast food and sodas, drink more water, get more exercise, and soon you will be healthy. I now squeeze exercise into my day in simple ways like parking far off in the lot, or walking when I am at work and I take a call on my cell phone. I walk at a rapid pace, not a stroll. I get my exercise, I inspect the property, and I say hi to staff members I would never otherwise see. Win, win win.

Make small changes in your perception and happiness will find you. Give up your addiction to B.S. and misery. Stop going to pity parties. Like everything else, it is a choice.

Today's Lessons:

- It's all B.S.
- Find the sources of unhappiness in your life and get rid of them.
- Find the sources of happiness in your life and feed them.
- Happiness and misery are behaviors. Choose the right one.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am letting go of things that do not matter.
- I choose to be happy.

Now, sing it with me: Happy Happy Joy Joy! Happy Happy Joy Joy! Happy Happy Joy Joy! If you sing it, like Ren & Stimpy did, you can't help being happy. You can't get the ridiculous grin off your face. You smiling now? Good. Hold that smile and share it with the world.

Make it your happiest and best day yet! God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day # 68 - How to be miserable (for dummies)

Trying to avoid happiness? Love the attention a sad little loser always seems to get? Want to wreck anything in your life even resembling joy? Follow these easy instructions and you too can be miserable!

- Take everything personally.
- Accept that everything is happening to you.
- Remember, no matter how hard you try, you'll never get the rewards you deserve.
- Life's fair to everyone except for you.
- Yeah, God really does hate you so you should blame him.
- Jump from bad relationship to bad relationship. Sure he seems like a loser, but love conquers all. In fact, have a couple of babies to strengthen the bond.
- Get into a lot of debt.
- Watch the news
- Wait for the government to fix your problems.
- Blame daddy.
- Blame mommy.
- Blame me if it helps.
- Refuse to accept responsibility for anything.
- Next time someone asks how you're doing, sigh and tell them, "awful." Then spend the next ten minutes whining about broken appliances and flat tires. Because no one else has those kinds of problems. Only you.
- Whatever you do, do not pray. God has an annoying habit of helping you fix your problems, thereby taking away reasons to be miserable.
- When you go to a party, sit in a corner nursing your drink. If you make eye contact, be sure to use puppy dog eyes. This will make people who are at the party want to avoid you because, unlike you, they are there for a good time, not to sulk and feel sorry for themselves.
- Pick fights for no real reason.
- If a friend makes a mistake, even an insignificant one, blow it completely out of proportion, hold it against them for a long time, and allow it to strain the friendship. When the friend asks where you've been, tell him you've been super-busy.
- Just don't return calls, even if the friend didn't make any mistake. Make him chase you.
- Ladies: giving sex away too soon in a relationship will often lead to waning interest on the part of the man. Give it up on the first night and he won't even call you back (unless it's for another go.) But even if you make him wait, remember that this guy is just like the others because you made him this way. In fact, you should punish him for everything your ex did.
- Men: Keep sitting on the couch eating donuts. Homer Simpson is a good role model for those seeking optimum misery.
- Do not read any self-help books.
- Expect the worst at all times. It's important that you expect it all the time, we wouldn't want any good things creeping in and ruining your pity-party.

Well, I hope this helps you maintain your current level of misery. If you are one of these people (and you know who you are) be honest with yourself. How many of the above things do you really do? Does this help you recognize the problems? What are you going to do about it?

Today's Lessons:

- Stop being miserable. It is a choice.
- Be happy. And QTIP: Quit Taking It Personal.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am happy. I am leaving the sadness and misery behind.
- I will count my blessings because blessings break curses.

Just do it. Let's all be happy. We all want a better, more peaceful and prosperous life. You must be happy to make this happen.

Make it your best, happiest day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo


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Monday, August 2, 2010

Day # 67 - Happy solitude

There's a song, "The Spirit of Radio" by Rush. The song, for some reason or other, has always inspired me. Back around the time my son Steven was born, in 1990, this song was playing all the time. I came to believe that any time I heard this song, something good would happen. I used to be a superstitious lad. That's all behind me.

I heard the song on Saturday as I was working and reminded myself that good things always would happen when I heard it so I knew Saturday was going to be a good day. Then I realized how screwy my thinking was.

Now, Saturday was a good day, but that had nothing to do with the music playing on the radio, it had to do with the message playing in my head. If my thoughts are positive, my day will be too. Negative thoughts will equal a lousy day. What plays on your car stereo will invariably color your thoughts. This is why I don't listen to news any more. How can you be happy when your ears are constantly assaulted by rape, murder, economic depression, and war. I heard July 2010 was the deadliest month yet for U.S. troops in Afghanistan. This saddens me. Had I read every detail and listened to every report as I would have 67 days ago, it would have depressed the hell out of me. It's bad enough to hear bad news, but to dwell on it... I choose not to anymore.

I love being with my family. I love my friends, but I love myself, too. I am the person I get along with best. Time alone with me is a pretty cool thing. (Many would disagree, I'm sure.) There's something about being alone without music, without TV, without people. It's good to listen to your own thoughts, to pray, meditate, focus, or not focus at all. Make time to do it. Don't say you have no time. If you can update Facebook 20 times a day and watch TV, you can find the time to listen to your mind. Even just a few extra minutes in the shower. Just let the water run over your head and listen to the sound it makes. The extra buck on your water bill is more than worth it and the environment will not be affected. I promise you.

Back to Rush. "The Spirit of Radio" was a catalyst. I was convinced that some outside force determined the kind of day (therefore the kind of life) I would have. I never even played the song although I owned the CD. I am learning day by day about the choices I have to make. I don't live in the past and the only reason I go back to it is to learn. Who cares what's on the radio? What difference can it possibly make? If a song makes you happy, blast it. If it sours your mood, change it! This is why radios bring volume and tuning controls. Use them. And don't forget the radio has an on / off switch. Use that, too. Enjoy the happy solitude.

Today's Lessons:

- You determine the effect of every little thing on your life.
- Spend a little time alone. Get reacquainted with yourself.
- External stimuli can be ignored - especially if they are negative.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I determine my mood. I decide what kind of day I'm going to have.
- I am happy.

Right now, switch off the computer and spend a couple of minutes alone without TV or radio or people around. Let your mind wander to happy places, your kids, the person you love. Then try to clear your mind. Close your eyes and focus on the dark. Relax. Enjoy. Let me know how it went.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Day # 66 - We all need a boost

I started this project for me. I continue for me. In a sense I do it for my family because what benefits me benefits them. If I am a happier, more productive individual everyone who depends on me benefits. My family is happier, we are all eating better (most of the time) and we are focused on improving our lives.

Of course, putting this out there for the public, I do want it to be read and enjoyed by others. And if it helps someone even just a little, then I am the happiest man in the world. After all, if you want to change the world, you have to start with yourself.

An old friend of mine wrote me some encouraging words last night and I am high on them. She is someone whose opinion of me I truly value so when she paid me a compliment, I felt validation. I didn't even know I was looking for validation, but I guess we all are.

It doesn't matter who you are or how successful you are. We all need to be loved and we all want someone to tell us we are loved. We all want to be appreciated. Study after study has proven that employees are more motivated by rewards and recognition than by money. It's part of human nature.

Do you know someone who needs encouragement? Of course you do. This could be your spouse, your child, a friend, a neighbor, even a stranger or a co-worker. Give them a boost. Smile when you see them. Thank someone who does something for you. If you receive extraordinary service from someone, don't hesitate to tell their supervisor. If we all pitch in and give everyone we can a little shot in the arm, we start the snowball that makes the world better.

Today's Lessons:

- We all need a boost. Knowing this, you should boost someone else today. The good you put out into the universe always finds its way back.
- You can be the difference in a person's life. This works in both ways: positive and negative. Make the right choice.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I improve my world every day by being an example to others.
- I will encourage those who need to be encouraged. I will discourage none.

Boosting opportunities abound. Keep your eyes open and you'll find countless ways to improve the world, one little boost at a time.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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