Day # 77 - Wasted Emotion

I have been contracted as a consultant. Someone has asked me to lead the negotiation to buy an existing business - one that is in trouble. I sat down with the owner of the business last night. It was the first date. Rule number one in a first date should be show respect and go slow. Unfortunately, we are working on a very limited time frame. We have about two weeks to get a very complicated deal done. I love this. Fun!

I initially sat down with the owner and the members of the group that want to buy the group. I made a tactical error by laying my cards out on the table first. I had some knowledge of the owner's situation, but still, I should have played my cards closer to the chest. The owner answered my questions, we chatted, and it seemed like I was stuck about ten feet shy of first base.

So I asked for a tour of the facility. I stayed real close to the owner, letting the others trail behind. We chatted and I nodded, showing my approval for all that had been accomplished.

Finally, I got the owner alone. Time for romance. She told me she was recently widowed. She told me how much money she lost. She told me about her immigrant background and her struggles and then started, on her own, to reveal things that she had been reluctant to reveal when the entire group was together. My plan worked. She told me everything I needed to know and essentially mapped out my strategy for me.

Now, there are two paths here. I can be a bastard and probably get the business for practically nothing. There is some risk here because a white knight can swoop in and rescue the business owner, leaving my group with nothing.

I don't want to do that because the risk outweighs the reward. I also see no point in trying to screw the owner. I want her to walk away believing she won. I also want my client to walk away believing he won. It is not impossible for everyone to win in a negotiation. In fact, it's preferable. We are beginning our due diligence and we'll see where we land. When I know, you'll know.

The woman's story is sad. No doubt about it. If I weren't trying to buy her business for someone at the best possible price, I would have choked up at all she's gone through. But emotion is a luxury I can't afford in this situation. All I am trying to accomplish is the most perfect deal possible: One in which my client is happy, and the seller doesn't feel like she got screwed with her pants on. Because her situation is so dire, she is within weeks of losing her entire investment. I could run out the clock on her and force her to make the deal I want, saving my client a ton of money. But I want good karma on this deal and every other deal I make. I also happen to know my client has money enough to make this fair. It's important to know what cards the other person is holding, but you also need to look at your own cards.

I've always referred to sympathy as a wasted emotion. If I feel bad for you, I will only end up hurting you. I will want to coddle you and baby you. I have a friend who has a son who is deaf. One day, we were talking about him and I said, "pobresito" which is Spanish for, "poor kid" (roughly.) Her eyes flashed with anger and she corrected me like a schoolteacher. She told me "poor kid, my a**! There's nothing wrong with my son." She probably wouldn't remember the conversation, but I will never forget it. She changed something in me.

Why do we always tell people to stop feeling sorry for themselves but never to stop feeling sorry for others? Empathy is a thing of beauty, to try to understand what a person is feeling is admirable and broadens our humanity. To feel sorry for them takes away their humanity.

I'll keep you posted on the deal.

- Adolfo

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