A Year Without News ended last month. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to write up until the last day. Not that I was not inspired, I was just too busy; too caught up in the day-to-day. But with the perspective allowed by time and distance, I can tell you the experiment was a success. I did, for the most part, what I set out to do. I am better. I changed. I do watch news now, but not obsessively. I want to know what's happening in the world, but I can survive without a propaganda IV plugged into my veins. That's progress any way you look at it.
What I got from the year:
- I am more positive. I have learned to look at the glass half-full.
- I am a more well-rounded person. AYWN freed up a lot of time, which I have spent on better things.
- I am more spiritual. More time in front of the bible and less time in front of the newspaper is good for you. I promise. Try it.
- I am clearer. My head is not so muddled with the media garbage I used to fill it with.
Now that I do take in some news, I realize nothing has changed. The left-wing slant is as bad as ever. People still can't admit that President Obama is doing an awful job, and the best thing the news losers can do is try to find something damning in Sarah Palin's emails. Why didn't Obama get this kind of scrutiny? Why isn't he getting it now?
We know about Anthony's Wiener. We know about Kate Middleton and Prince Whatever. There were tornadoes in the South. People are still homeless there, by the way. No criticism of the president for not flying home immediately to "survey the damage." I guess it was more important for him to barbecue with the elites of Europe. Don't get me wrong, I think a president - any president - surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster, is a disaster in itself. What good can they do? None. They can only cause problems by being there. You ever get caught in the traffic caused by a presidential motorcade? Imagine trying to bring needed supplies to people affected by a natural disaster while the prez is rolling past? Ridiculous. Keep on grilling, Barry. You're less likely to do damage that way - you can only burn yourself with a grill.
You see from the rant above why I should probably continue to stay away from the news. The bias, the BS, the nonsense. Our country is in trouble. Our debt is life-threatening. Our economy is wrecked. Our future is in peril. Should we really care about a man who looks like a penis showing a porn-star a picture of his penis? I guess we should, but maybe it's time we focused on what matters.
I got better in that year. Maybe that's why everything seems worse.
- Adolfo
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Day 332 - Return of The King
Okay, so I am no king. I am a person like you and like anyone else. My project lasted for a while and then the writing had to take a back seat to the work when the work became too much and the hours too long. I chose family over my desire to write, over my ambition to complete a goal. Often, as I wrote this column, I thought of what I would write on the last day of this year. What would be the great lesson? What would be different about me?
A lot about me is different. My faith continues to grow, although that has little to do with writing. It has to do with maturity and accepting that I can't do it alone. I need God to help me along. I plan to be baptized on Sunday. I have asked God to break me and he is breaking me. Again, I can't do this alone.
It's liberating when you accept that there are things you can't control. It's a wonderful thing to know that there is someone infinitely more powerful than you who wants to help you, carry you. I am not different, except that I am better. I am not great, just better, and improving every day.
I did fall off the wagon. I have been "exposed" to news. My taste for it is gone. Nothing changed while I was away: politicians are still corrupt, government is still out of control and ineffective, and, according to the media, nothing good every happens.
I don't really care to hear it any more.
Remember how we would hear every day about each soldier that died in the wars? They're still dying, we're just not hearing about it? Why not? Is the life of a soldier that dies while Barack Obama is in office less important than the life of one who died while George Bush was in office? Of course not. So why the double standard?
I don't mean to get political, I just wanted to prove a point. This is why I haven't become addicted to the news again. I was away from it long enough that I now hate it. The absence provided much needed perspective.
I can share this little nugget with you: Step back. If you have an addiction of any kind, just take a step back and find your perspective. This is the first step toward mending yourself.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet. It's good to be back, even if only for a day.
- Adolfo
P.S. See you on day 365, maybe sooner.
A lot about me is different. My faith continues to grow, although that has little to do with writing. It has to do with maturity and accepting that I can't do it alone. I need God to help me along. I plan to be baptized on Sunday. I have asked God to break me and he is breaking me. Again, I can't do this alone.
It's liberating when you accept that there are things you can't control. It's a wonderful thing to know that there is someone infinitely more powerful than you who wants to help you, carry you. I am not different, except that I am better. I am not great, just better, and improving every day.
I did fall off the wagon. I have been "exposed" to news. My taste for it is gone. Nothing changed while I was away: politicians are still corrupt, government is still out of control and ineffective, and, according to the media, nothing good every happens.
I don't really care to hear it any more.
Remember how we would hear every day about each soldier that died in the wars? They're still dying, we're just not hearing about it? Why not? Is the life of a soldier that dies while Barack Obama is in office less important than the life of one who died while George Bush was in office? Of course not. So why the double standard?
I don't mean to get political, I just wanted to prove a point. This is why I haven't become addicted to the news again. I was away from it long enough that I now hate it. The absence provided much needed perspective.
I can share this little nugget with you: Step back. If you have an addiction of any kind, just take a step back and find your perspective. This is the first step toward mending yourself.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet. It's good to be back, even if only for a day.
- Adolfo
P.S. See you on day 365, maybe sooner.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day # 265 - The Seventh Day
I know I'm not the only one, but I have the flu. I've had it in one form or another for about a week now. It started with the itchy throat and peaked at a fever of 102 a couple of nights ago. Because I am bionic (read: a stupid man)I have not taken any time off from work and haven't really taken any medicine other than a mega-dose of vitamins and Tylenol for the pain in my bones.
Why? Because I am a dingbat, obviously. Even God took a day of rest after creating the heavens and the earth, so what makes me think I can get by without rest? The good thing is I did sleep fairly well last night, so it helps.
When we talk about work-life balance, we tend to think of it in terms of working and then spending time with loved ones. This is by far the most important aspect of it, but we also need to take time for ourselves. It's important to just rest, to sleep, read a book, watch an old movie. In short, we must disconnect from the reality of the world or the reality of the world will overwhelm us. I believe I got this flu mostly because of the stress I've been under. No one can blame me. However, when we don't keep the stress in check, we could easily trade in the flu for something infinitely more serious. Worth it? Oh, no. Not at all.
So when you plan out your day, your week, or your month, set aside quality time with your family, and a little for yourself. Get your rest, drink water, eat veggies... you know the drill.
Remember:
- Get your rest.
- Laugh.
- Be with the people you love and tell them you love them.
- If you didn't go back to work Monday, for whatever reason, your inbox will still be full.
Make it your best day yet. The only way to make it so is with friends and family. God bless you and yours.
- Adolfo
Why? Because I am a dingbat, obviously. Even God took a day of rest after creating the heavens and the earth, so what makes me think I can get by without rest? The good thing is I did sleep fairly well last night, so it helps.
When we talk about work-life balance, we tend to think of it in terms of working and then spending time with loved ones. This is by far the most important aspect of it, but we also need to take time for ourselves. It's important to just rest, to sleep, read a book, watch an old movie. In short, we must disconnect from the reality of the world or the reality of the world will overwhelm us. I believe I got this flu mostly because of the stress I've been under. No one can blame me. However, when we don't keep the stress in check, we could easily trade in the flu for something infinitely more serious. Worth it? Oh, no. Not at all.
So when you plan out your day, your week, or your month, set aside quality time with your family, and a little for yourself. Get your rest, drink water, eat veggies... you know the drill.
Remember:
- Get your rest.
- Laugh.
- Be with the people you love and tell them you love them.
- If you didn't go back to work Monday, for whatever reason, your inbox will still be full.
Make it your best day yet. The only way to make it so is with friends and family. God bless you and yours.
- Adolfo
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day 264 - Renewal
It's been a rough ride for my family the last month. It's safe to say January - February 2011 will be remembered, and not fondly.
But there is a limit to everything, and as my sister put it: God never gives you everything at once. This applies not only to the bad, but to the good as well. We simply couldn't handle it and He never gives us more than we can handle.
Death is a part of life, it's the one guarantee besides taxes. We will all face it at one time or another, even if only our own. Those of us who are blessed with lots of friends and relatives will have to face it even more. The pain is proportionate to the joy.
But a moment comes where you have to resolve to move forward. It's not easy. There is so much emotion involved, but you do a disservice to the departed when you allow the pain and sadness to linger. They can't see you or influence you, but if they could, they would tell you it's time to move on.
This is something that applies not only to losing loved ones, but to all the hurts, big and small, that we experience in our lifetimes. You will be hurt. You will be disappointed, betrayed. It comes with the territory when you interact with other human beings. You can't control that. What you can control is how you react to these slights. Grieve, or scream, or yell, if you must, then move on.
I allowed the pain of losing people I love affect me very much. Enough that I have a cold (or flu) and am having even more trouble sleeping than usual. I resolve to end this foolishness. Not that it's foolish to mourn, but it's foolish to allow yourself to be consumed.
I don't want to promise you or myself that I will write every day like I used to, but I will try, knowing that I eventually will.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
But there is a limit to everything, and as my sister put it: God never gives you everything at once. This applies not only to the bad, but to the good as well. We simply couldn't handle it and He never gives us more than we can handle.
Death is a part of life, it's the one guarantee besides taxes. We will all face it at one time or another, even if only our own. Those of us who are blessed with lots of friends and relatives will have to face it even more. The pain is proportionate to the joy.
But a moment comes where you have to resolve to move forward. It's not easy. There is so much emotion involved, but you do a disservice to the departed when you allow the pain and sadness to linger. They can't see you or influence you, but if they could, they would tell you it's time to move on.
This is something that applies not only to losing loved ones, but to all the hurts, big and small, that we experience in our lifetimes. You will be hurt. You will be disappointed, betrayed. It comes with the territory when you interact with other human beings. You can't control that. What you can control is how you react to these slights. Grieve, or scream, or yell, if you must, then move on.
I allowed the pain of losing people I love affect me very much. Enough that I have a cold (or flu) and am having even more trouble sleeping than usual. I resolve to end this foolishness. Not that it's foolish to mourn, but it's foolish to allow yourself to be consumed.
I don't want to promise you or myself that I will write every day like I used to, but I will try, knowing that I eventually will.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Day 259 - An Open Letter to Vicky and Danny
Yesterday, we spent the day at the funeral of your parents. Surrounded by people who loved them, people they loved, and pictures of the great times and memories of their lives, we silently paid tribute to two people who were angels among us and have been elevated to be angels above us.
I would be lying if I told you I understand what the two of you are going through. No one knows. All anyone can ever do is try to understand, or at least listen, and respond with love. We can try to understand this and never will. I have learned that while all things are, in their own way, beautiful, they are not always pretty. The loss of your parents has affected me in the following way: it has increased and strengthened my faith in God. I can't explain why this has been the result, but I can tell you I have never felt closer to God, and I hope that when the pain you are feeling has subsided, and the healing power of time has taken effect, you too will be able to say that this painful chapter served to bring you closer to God. Your parents are with Him now, being closer to Him, will bring you closer to them.
We all have a limited time on this planet. The measure of our success as people is not the years of our lives, but the life in our years. By this or any measure, your parents lived extraordinary lives. If the success of a life is determined by the legacy one creates, again your parents aced the test. How can I say this? Because of the amazing people they created and left to us. Watching the two of you sit there, in all your pain as people came by was heartbreaking. Listening to you comforting those who came to you was inspiring. You two became my heros yesterday.
Vicky, you have inspired me since the first time I held you. You were a week old. It was Christmas morning. You were placed in my arms. I kissed your little face and held you and I fell in love. Holding you that day was as touching to me as the first time I held each of my own children. I didn't know it then, but the lens of time has shown me that the tears I cried upon holding you in my arms that morning were God's way of telling me how special you are.
Danny, you have always made me (and everyone else) laugh. From the time you were a baby, you always had that same smile on that same handsome face and you were always the good times guy. You were always bold and tough, but as sweet a human being as anyone has ever met. In a world where more and more people seem to be lost and all about themselves, it's good to see the man you've become. It's impressive that at your tender age, you are the rock your mother was and the gentleman your father was. Amazing.
While the road ahead is long, you will not walk it alone. You are surrounded by people who love you and will support you every step of the way. Your friends and your family will always be nearby, not only to lend you strength when you need it, but to lend a shoulder or a laugh. I can't speak for others, but I can assure you that I will also be around to be inspired by your strength. I will be there when Vicky walks again and this time, I'll let her carry me.
The bible tells us that while not all things are good, all things work together for good for those who believe. I believe this is true. In your eulogy, Vicky, you said that the last three weeks of your parents' lives were the best of their lives. How wonderful. While this end wasn't what any of us would have planned or wanted, it's comforting to know how happy they were when God called them home. It's comforting to know they were as happy as they deserved to be. It's comforting for the two of you and the rest of us to remember the manner in which they lived their lives, and not the manner in which their lives ended. In the end, all we have are the memories and the moments. The laughter and the tears. The sunshine, the rain, the love. Let us not live with regret, but with fond remembrance of those we were blessed to have known. Let us not live with anger over what we have lost, but with happiness and appreciation for what we were given.
As I close this letter, I realize how inadequate my words are. I understand that what I am feeling is not what you are reading here. This is about the only thing I understand. Another thing I understand is that when trying to communicate, it is sometimes better to use someone else's words. So I want to share with you one of my favorite poems:
INVICTUS
By William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Henley wrote this poem while laying in a hospital bed recovering from an amputation. He went on to live a complete and full life. The poem has inspired me for years and I hope it will do the same for you.
Remember my cousins, that no matter how hard it may seem, there is always hope, because there is always God, and family, and love. I know that at this moment the future seems uncertain and even frightening, the unknown always does. But God is with you. We are with you. Your parent's memories and spirits are with us all. We are strong. We are unconquerable.
I love you. God bless you.
Adolfo
I would be lying if I told you I understand what the two of you are going through. No one knows. All anyone can ever do is try to understand, or at least listen, and respond with love. We can try to understand this and never will. I have learned that while all things are, in their own way, beautiful, they are not always pretty. The loss of your parents has affected me in the following way: it has increased and strengthened my faith in God. I can't explain why this has been the result, but I can tell you I have never felt closer to God, and I hope that when the pain you are feeling has subsided, and the healing power of time has taken effect, you too will be able to say that this painful chapter served to bring you closer to God. Your parents are with Him now, being closer to Him, will bring you closer to them.
We all have a limited time on this planet. The measure of our success as people is not the years of our lives, but the life in our years. By this or any measure, your parents lived extraordinary lives. If the success of a life is determined by the legacy one creates, again your parents aced the test. How can I say this? Because of the amazing people they created and left to us. Watching the two of you sit there, in all your pain as people came by was heartbreaking. Listening to you comforting those who came to you was inspiring. You two became my heros yesterday.
Vicky, you have inspired me since the first time I held you. You were a week old. It was Christmas morning. You were placed in my arms. I kissed your little face and held you and I fell in love. Holding you that day was as touching to me as the first time I held each of my own children. I didn't know it then, but the lens of time has shown me that the tears I cried upon holding you in my arms that morning were God's way of telling me how special you are.
Danny, you have always made me (and everyone else) laugh. From the time you were a baby, you always had that same smile on that same handsome face and you were always the good times guy. You were always bold and tough, but as sweet a human being as anyone has ever met. In a world where more and more people seem to be lost and all about themselves, it's good to see the man you've become. It's impressive that at your tender age, you are the rock your mother was and the gentleman your father was. Amazing.
While the road ahead is long, you will not walk it alone. You are surrounded by people who love you and will support you every step of the way. Your friends and your family will always be nearby, not only to lend you strength when you need it, but to lend a shoulder or a laugh. I can't speak for others, but I can assure you that I will also be around to be inspired by your strength. I will be there when Vicky walks again and this time, I'll let her carry me.
The bible tells us that while not all things are good, all things work together for good for those who believe. I believe this is true. In your eulogy, Vicky, you said that the last three weeks of your parents' lives were the best of their lives. How wonderful. While this end wasn't what any of us would have planned or wanted, it's comforting to know how happy they were when God called them home. It's comforting to know they were as happy as they deserved to be. It's comforting for the two of you and the rest of us to remember the manner in which they lived their lives, and not the manner in which their lives ended. In the end, all we have are the memories and the moments. The laughter and the tears. The sunshine, the rain, the love. Let us not live with regret, but with fond remembrance of those we were blessed to have known. Let us not live with anger over what we have lost, but with happiness and appreciation for what we were given.
As I close this letter, I realize how inadequate my words are. I understand that what I am feeling is not what you are reading here. This is about the only thing I understand. Another thing I understand is that when trying to communicate, it is sometimes better to use someone else's words. So I want to share with you one of my favorite poems:
INVICTUS
By William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Henley wrote this poem while laying in a hospital bed recovering from an amputation. He went on to live a complete and full life. The poem has inspired me for years and I hope it will do the same for you.
Remember my cousins, that no matter how hard it may seem, there is always hope, because there is always God, and family, and love. I know that at this moment the future seems uncertain and even frightening, the unknown always does. But God is with you. We are with you. Your parent's memories and spirits are with us all. We are strong. We are unconquerable.
I love you. God bless you.
Adolfo
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Days 253 & 254 - Pop Culture
I set out to avoid news for a year. It was easy to do. I just didn't watch, read, or listen to any news. It isn't a true addiction like alcohol or drugs, so there are no withdrawal symptoms, no urge to break into your house to steal enough money for a hot copy of USA Today (not real news but you get the point.)
I do, however, make contact with the news. For example, there is no way to not know what's happening in Egypt right now. Give them democracy, I say. Don't worry if it's new to them, they'll figure out what to do with it. We all deserve a chance to be free.
I also found, and read, an article about the most disliked figures in Sports. Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders, tops the list. Michael Vick is up there next to him and Tiger Woods is number four. My question is: who cares?
Tiger Woods is disliked because he is losing. Sure, he cheated on his wife. So did Kobe Bryant. The difference is, Kobe has added some jewelry to his collection, so all is forgiven. Tiger hasn't been so lucky, or focused, or whatever. He'll be back, and he'll be off the list.
Donald Trump once wrote that while people love a hero, they love a fallen hero even more. He may have been right. Why do we love to see successful people stumble? Is it envy? Do we see a little of our own failures in their story? Do we need to be reminded that the glitterati are human?
I find it odd that in a society such as ours, which is so fascinated by where movie stars have lunch or play tennis with, wants to see the objects of their obsession fall flat on their botoxed faces. I am not offering explanations or answers, only making an observation. What's wrong with us?
This may be why most of the people I am interested in were gone long before I arrived. Their warts are already visible. There are no surprises, except by those wishing to rewrite history. There are occasional discoveries, but in these instances, the new information only adds to the story.
By the way, can anyone tell me what a Snookie is?
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
I do, however, make contact with the news. For example, there is no way to not know what's happening in Egypt right now. Give them democracy, I say. Don't worry if it's new to them, they'll figure out what to do with it. We all deserve a chance to be free.
I also found, and read, an article about the most disliked figures in Sports. Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders, tops the list. Michael Vick is up there next to him and Tiger Woods is number four. My question is: who cares?
Tiger Woods is disliked because he is losing. Sure, he cheated on his wife. So did Kobe Bryant. The difference is, Kobe has added some jewelry to his collection, so all is forgiven. Tiger hasn't been so lucky, or focused, or whatever. He'll be back, and he'll be off the list.
Donald Trump once wrote that while people love a hero, they love a fallen hero even more. He may have been right. Why do we love to see successful people stumble? Is it envy? Do we see a little of our own failures in their story? Do we need to be reminded that the glitterati are human?
I find it odd that in a society such as ours, which is so fascinated by where movie stars have lunch or play tennis with, wants to see the objects of their obsession fall flat on their botoxed faces. I am not offering explanations or answers, only making an observation. What's wrong with us?
This may be why most of the people I am interested in were gone long before I arrived. Their warts are already visible. There are no surprises, except by those wishing to rewrite history. There are occasional discoveries, but in these instances, the new information only adds to the story.
By the way, can anyone tell me what a Snookie is?
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Days 248 - 252 - Homecoming
I was able to visit with my little cousin yesterday. She is recovering. She is hurting. She finds herself in the odd position of needing comfort and being exhausted by visitors. So much for a young woman to bear.
Maybe sometimes the best thing we can offer is time and distance. Maybe being there sometimes means not being there. Sometimes all you can do is pray and send blessings to the people you want to help, even when your heart and head are screaming that you should be there. Knowing the difference is key.
Of course, the physical component of the tragedy will heal long before the mental and emotional ones will. To have a loved one depart is difficult, to have it happen in a sudden, violent fashion that leaves you with the last words you would have shared with them stuck in your throat, is incomprehensible.
God needed angels. We cannot argue. We can only thank Him for allowing us to enjoy the company of these angels for so long. We will enjoy the memories until our reunion and then we'll pick up right where we left off.
We are now a family that is hurting and in need of closure. We are stuck in the healing process due to circumstances beyond our control. Most of us still cannot believe it. Yesterday, as I walked through my cousin's empty house, still decked out in Christmas decorations, I still couldn't get what was happening. I know it's good to cry, to let it out, but it only comes in fits. It doesn't just burst like it's supposed to - or like I think it's supposed to. That will come in time, and we will continue our lives, even as we never quite move on.
I would love to get back to writing more uplifting things, and I will. I just have to deal with this first. I know that, like a cut, if you don't tend to it and assist the injury in healing, it could become infected and get worse and worse. I am healing. I am getting better and better.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Maybe sometimes the best thing we can offer is time and distance. Maybe being there sometimes means not being there. Sometimes all you can do is pray and send blessings to the people you want to help, even when your heart and head are screaming that you should be there. Knowing the difference is key.
Of course, the physical component of the tragedy will heal long before the mental and emotional ones will. To have a loved one depart is difficult, to have it happen in a sudden, violent fashion that leaves you with the last words you would have shared with them stuck in your throat, is incomprehensible.
God needed angels. We cannot argue. We can only thank Him for allowing us to enjoy the company of these angels for so long. We will enjoy the memories until our reunion and then we'll pick up right where we left off.
We are now a family that is hurting and in need of closure. We are stuck in the healing process due to circumstances beyond our control. Most of us still cannot believe it. Yesterday, as I walked through my cousin's empty house, still decked out in Christmas decorations, I still couldn't get what was happening. I know it's good to cry, to let it out, but it only comes in fits. It doesn't just burst like it's supposed to - or like I think it's supposed to. That will come in time, and we will continue our lives, even as we never quite move on.
I would love to get back to writing more uplifting things, and I will. I just have to deal with this first. I know that, like a cut, if you don't tend to it and assist the injury in healing, it could become infected and get worse and worse. I am healing. I am getting better and better.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Days 236 - 247 - Fortitudine Vincimus
Fortitudine Vincimus: By Endurance We Conquer.
My schedule and unforeseen circumstances have kept me from my commitment to this blog and I am sorry about it. I had a great run... and then I stopped. My family suffered a tragedy, but I dishonored the memory of the departed by not continuing to write. It's what they would have wanted.
The title of this post comes from Sir Ernest Shackleton, the British explorer who came to within 96 miles of being the first man to reach the South Pole. When the pole was reached by Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen, Shackleton decided he would make a trek across Antarctica. He named the ship which took him there "Endurance." The Shackleton family motto is Fortitudine Vincimus. The Shackleton party was stranded on the ice for two years before Shackleton and a skeleton crew made an 800 mile, open-boat journey to get help. Shackleton brought his men home alive. They endured, and they conquered.
While most of us will never be stranded in Antarctica, it is easy to feel as if we have no shot, as if the odds are insurmountable, we can think of people like Shackleton, who faced incredible odds and prevailed. Nothing is impossible unless we designate it as such.
Sure, there is sadness and pain in the world. We will all face our share of challenges. These things do not define us. Rather, we are defined by how these challenges affect us, and how we meet and overcome them.
Make it a great day. I'll be back in a couple of days.
God bless you and thanks for the prayers and well wishes.
- Adolfo
My schedule and unforeseen circumstances have kept me from my commitment to this blog and I am sorry about it. I had a great run... and then I stopped. My family suffered a tragedy, but I dishonored the memory of the departed by not continuing to write. It's what they would have wanted.
The title of this post comes from Sir Ernest Shackleton, the British explorer who came to within 96 miles of being the first man to reach the South Pole. When the pole was reached by Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen, Shackleton decided he would make a trek across Antarctica. He named the ship which took him there "Endurance." The Shackleton family motto is Fortitudine Vincimus. The Shackleton party was stranded on the ice for two years before Shackleton and a skeleton crew made an 800 mile, open-boat journey to get help. Shackleton brought his men home alive. They endured, and they conquered.
While most of us will never be stranded in Antarctica, it is easy to feel as if we have no shot, as if the odds are insurmountable, we can think of people like Shackleton, who faced incredible odds and prevailed. Nothing is impossible unless we designate it as such.
Sure, there is sadness and pain in the world. We will all face our share of challenges. These things do not define us. Rather, we are defined by how these challenges affect us, and how we meet and overcome them.
Make it a great day. I'll be back in a couple of days.
God bless you and thanks for the prayers and well wishes.
- Adolfo
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Days 231 - 235 - Still Kickin'
I would have preferred to have written every day. After all, this is what I had committed to, but with recent events and an overwhelming workload and travel, it's become increasingly difficult to find the time and energy to create new content on a daily basis. I think anyone would agree that I had a great run, writing for over 200 consecutive days including holidays.
I intend to finish the 365 days, but I won't be writing every day anymore (as you can tell.) I will hopefully find useful or interesting tidbits to share with you from time to time and I will bring them to you right here.
The truth is my priorities are shifting. With the recent tragedy my family suffered, I find myself more cognizant of what really matters. As much as I love writing this blog, it's not my number one priority. My priorities are God and family. Everything else is a distant third. I hope that I will soon be able to re-balance my life and write every day, but if not, it matters to me that you, dear reader, understand that I am not ignoring my commitment, I am simply realigning things.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
I intend to finish the 365 days, but I won't be writing every day anymore (as you can tell.) I will hopefully find useful or interesting tidbits to share with you from time to time and I will bring them to you right here.
The truth is my priorities are shifting. With the recent tragedy my family suffered, I find myself more cognizant of what really matters. As much as I love writing this blog, it's not my number one priority. My priorities are God and family. Everything else is a distant third. I hope that I will soon be able to re-balance my life and write every day, but if not, it matters to me that you, dear reader, understand that I am not ignoring my commitment, I am simply realigning things.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Friday, January 14, 2011
Day # 230 - Keep Moving Forward
I'm in a funk, as we all can be from time to time. I don't want to write, but here I am. It's been a long time, but I'm pretty sure I've written on this subject before. Why am I doing it? Because I committed to. Because this is something want and need to do.
It's easy to keep moving forward when the path is clear and the wind is at your back, but it's when you're in the dark and can't see your hand in front of your face that you must never give up. Rest during the easy times because you won't get a chance to during the rough times.
I find that the very nature I thought I had escaped, the dark, brooding, pessimistic side of my personality, tries to take over at the first sign of trouble. When I'm tired, it's easy to give in to it. It's like cheating on a diet: you know you shouldn't but it's easy and comforting. Odd that I should describe negativity as comforting, but what else could it be? Why else would our inclination be toward the self-destructive if it wasn't offering us some benefit?
Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goal. It's important you remember where you need to go, not where you are or what's hindering you or what's in your way.
Don't be afraid to reprimand yourself when you're off course, just as you should reward yourself for even the small victories. You're never too old for a little positive reinforcement.
It also helps to pray. It helps a lot. Don't be shy about asking friends and family to pray for you, and never forget to pray for them.
God bless you. Make it a great day and keep your eyes on the prize.
- Adolfo
It's easy to keep moving forward when the path is clear and the wind is at your back, but it's when you're in the dark and can't see your hand in front of your face that you must never give up. Rest during the easy times because you won't get a chance to during the rough times.
I find that the very nature I thought I had escaped, the dark, brooding, pessimistic side of my personality, tries to take over at the first sign of trouble. When I'm tired, it's easy to give in to it. It's like cheating on a diet: you know you shouldn't but it's easy and comforting. Odd that I should describe negativity as comforting, but what else could it be? Why else would our inclination be toward the self-destructive if it wasn't offering us some benefit?
Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goal. It's important you remember where you need to go, not where you are or what's hindering you or what's in your way.
Don't be afraid to reprimand yourself when you're off course, just as you should reward yourself for even the small victories. You're never too old for a little positive reinforcement.
It also helps to pray. It helps a lot. Don't be shy about asking friends and family to pray for you, and never forget to pray for them.
God bless you. Make it a great day and keep your eyes on the prize.
- Adolfo
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Days 227 - 229 - Emergence
I've had a couple of messages asking if I'm okay. I appreciate the concern. I'm fine. I've just been a combination of very busy and in the cave, dealing with lots of thoughts and emotions.
The cave is that place men go to when we have sorrow or pain. It's not over, though. There is still a funeral to attend and family to see, it will be a big part of the healing process. It will be, for me, a step closer to acceptance.
Often when we have pain to deal with, we busy ourselves with life and work, avoiding the pain and prolonging the healing. I am not trying to do this. Ignoring this won't make it go away, and imagine how insulting it would be to the memory of the departed if those who stay behind choose to not go on living.
The reason for my not writing is simply that I was out on the road early and working long hours. I have not retreated from my commitment, especially with only 135 or so days to go. I'm way past the point of no return.
I am, however, tired, and I want to go back to bed.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
The cave is that place men go to when we have sorrow or pain. It's not over, though. There is still a funeral to attend and family to see, it will be a big part of the healing process. It will be, for me, a step closer to acceptance.
Often when we have pain to deal with, we busy ourselves with life and work, avoiding the pain and prolonging the healing. I am not trying to do this. Ignoring this won't make it go away, and imagine how insulting it would be to the memory of the departed if those who stay behind choose to not go on living.
The reason for my not writing is simply that I was out on the road early and working long hours. I have not retreated from my commitment, especially with only 135 or so days to go. I'm way past the point of no return.
I am, however, tired, and I want to go back to bed.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day # 226 - And now...
As the aftermath of the family tragedy unfolds, I find myself completely lost. I want to learn and grow from this loss. I want to do more for those I love. I am at a loss for words, unusual, I know, but true.
It was my instinct to withdraw. Is that normal? I went counter to my instinct and went about my day as best I could, knowing the departed would want us to be productive, not reclusive.
I try to understand what only God can understand and I am reminded of my limitations. I want to take the pain of the world and swallow it, squeeze it, and make it die. But I can't. I have no such power. I can barely deal with my own pain. How can I help you with yours? What can one do in moments like these? Pray. Hope. Love.
I am afraid of standing still, of going forward, of the cold I feel in my hands. I am afraid I am not feeling enough, or feeling too much, or if I'm feeling the right things. How do I know? I don't. I won't.
I am afraid for my mother, who is so hurt by all of this. I am afraid for my aunt, who has been through so much and now the ultimate tragedy.
Then I pause, and I realize that I don't need to be afraid. I have God and there is where my strength lies. I have people around me who love me, and there is where I prop myself up. I have children who look to me for leadership, and from them I find my motivation.
Someone told me yesterday, "When you die, your inbox will still be full." Kinda makes you think about what really matters, doesn't it?
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
It was my instinct to withdraw. Is that normal? I went counter to my instinct and went about my day as best I could, knowing the departed would want us to be productive, not reclusive.
I try to understand what only God can understand and I am reminded of my limitations. I want to take the pain of the world and swallow it, squeeze it, and make it die. But I can't. I have no such power. I can barely deal with my own pain. How can I help you with yours? What can one do in moments like these? Pray. Hope. Love.
I am afraid of standing still, of going forward, of the cold I feel in my hands. I am afraid I am not feeling enough, or feeling too much, or if I'm feeling the right things. How do I know? I don't. I won't.
I am afraid for my mother, who is so hurt by all of this. I am afraid for my aunt, who has been through so much and now the ultimate tragedy.
Then I pause, and I realize that I don't need to be afraid. I have God and there is where my strength lies. I have people around me who love me, and there is where I prop myself up. I have children who look to me for leadership, and from them I find my motivation.
Someone told me yesterday, "When you die, your inbox will still be full." Kinda makes you think about what really matters, doesn't it?
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Day # 225 - Remembrance
I came home from a long day wanting nothing more than to sleep. It was not to be. Even as I write this, I feel overwhelming guilt that I am making this about myself, believe me, dear reader, this is not about me. It is about loss and pain and the strange, inexplicable beauty that is the world, even if that beauty is often tragic and ugly.
I was at the table when my phone rang. I normally wouldn't have answered it, but I did. It was my cousin Sergio, telling me something terrible had happened. He was nervous and unsure of what to do, and then so was I.
I called my mother for confirmation; she hadn't heard anything, so all I did was make her nervous and unsure. Eventually we received confirmation: they're not with us any longer.
My cousin, Ana Rosa Hurcades Hernandez, her husband, Victor Hernandez, and their daughter Victoria, were in a car accident in North Carolina. Rosi and Victor are no longer with us, Victoria is in bad shape and in the hospital. This is all anyone knows at this point.
Vicky was in a serious car accident a couple of years ago that left her with a titanium rod in her back and unable to walk. Hope springs eternal and I refuse to accept that she will never walk again; more importantly, she refused to accept that. Her brother, Danny, was not in the car. Last night, he was in the hospital and they wouldn't allow him to see his sister. Eventually we learn she is being moved to a trauma hospital that can better deal with her injuries, a fracture in her hip and one in her neck.
It's hard to explain the feelings one has at a time like this without making it about one's self. I don't want to do this, but I have become so dependent on writing each day that I don't know how else to deal with this. There are two more angels in heaven this morning.
Victor was someone I idolized as a kid. He was very knowledgeable in his work, neat in his appearance, and dedicated to his family. When my cousin married him, he became my cousin Victor. I was in Junior high at the time, he drove a monster truck. He was like a god. I never told this to anyone, but I wanted to be like him in many ways. He married at 28, I decided that was the perfect age to get married. He bought a boat, I decided I needed to own a boat some day. He worked with his son eventually. So did I. I guess I never thought of him as a hero, but in a sense, to me, he was. It goes to show you never know who you're going to influence, you never know who's watching, so always do your best.
Ana Rosa, Rosi, was so much more than a cousin to me, she was like a sister. She took me under her wing to try and straighten me out when I needed straightening out. I remember when she worked at Citizen's Federal Bank on 49th Street, where I opened my first Passbook Savings account. I remember when she got my dad and me tickets to a Dolphins game and we beat the Baltimore Colts 19-0 at the old Orange Bowl. I remember her picking me up in her yellow Mustang and taking me to her house to tutor me in math. I remember crying at her wedding. Every family has a rock and Rosi was definitely a rock for us. She was strong, she was good, she was an amazing person. Even now, I see pictures of her in the photo album of my memory: skinny, with long, stringy hair, freckles, and carrying baby me like a proud sister or even a mother. This is so unreal, I can't wrap my head around her not being here anymore.
A tragedy like this one is impossible to explain. We can't explain what we can't understand and human beings, unwilling to accept our limits, will throw out every cliche, i.e. things happen for a reason. It may be true that things happen for a reason, but this doesn't make them easier to accept. I found myself regretting not spending more time with them when they were still here, choking on my regret, only to realize I was making this tragedy about myself and not about who it is really about. This is about two kids in their twenties, this is about a mother burying her child. This is about a family left with a hole in it. This is a period of mourning and remembrance, which will be followed by acceptance, and if we get it right, we will be able to celebrate the beauty and the brilliance these beloved friends brought to our lives.
It would take a lifetime to find the words I am looking for here, so I will use the words of Emily Dickinson:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune - without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
In the end, all we have is the memory of those we loved. We open the photo albums and we share the stories, and we laugh. We remember how a life was lived, not how it was ended, or that it ended much too soon to satisfy the longing and the need we have for the smiles, the voices, the laughter. We celebrate a life and a legacy, we appreciate the good in the departed. In the end, we are left with hope. We are left with the expectation of a reunion in heaven where we will once again embrace our loved ones and laugh with them. Where there will be time enough for all of us to express how we feel, and there will be no room for regret.
Make the most of your time, friends. God bless you and protect you.
- Adolfo
I was at the table when my phone rang. I normally wouldn't have answered it, but I did. It was my cousin Sergio, telling me something terrible had happened. He was nervous and unsure of what to do, and then so was I.
I called my mother for confirmation; she hadn't heard anything, so all I did was make her nervous and unsure. Eventually we received confirmation: they're not with us any longer.
My cousin, Ana Rosa Hurcades Hernandez, her husband, Victor Hernandez, and their daughter Victoria, were in a car accident in North Carolina. Rosi and Victor are no longer with us, Victoria is in bad shape and in the hospital. This is all anyone knows at this point.
Vicky was in a serious car accident a couple of years ago that left her with a titanium rod in her back and unable to walk. Hope springs eternal and I refuse to accept that she will never walk again; more importantly, she refused to accept that. Her brother, Danny, was not in the car. Last night, he was in the hospital and they wouldn't allow him to see his sister. Eventually we learn she is being moved to a trauma hospital that can better deal with her injuries, a fracture in her hip and one in her neck.
It's hard to explain the feelings one has at a time like this without making it about one's self. I don't want to do this, but I have become so dependent on writing each day that I don't know how else to deal with this. There are two more angels in heaven this morning.
Victor was someone I idolized as a kid. He was very knowledgeable in his work, neat in his appearance, and dedicated to his family. When my cousin married him, he became my cousin Victor. I was in Junior high at the time, he drove a monster truck. He was like a god. I never told this to anyone, but I wanted to be like him in many ways. He married at 28, I decided that was the perfect age to get married. He bought a boat, I decided I needed to own a boat some day. He worked with his son eventually. So did I. I guess I never thought of him as a hero, but in a sense, to me, he was. It goes to show you never know who you're going to influence, you never know who's watching, so always do your best.
Ana Rosa, Rosi, was so much more than a cousin to me, she was like a sister. She took me under her wing to try and straighten me out when I needed straightening out. I remember when she worked at Citizen's Federal Bank on 49th Street, where I opened my first Passbook Savings account. I remember when she got my dad and me tickets to a Dolphins game and we beat the Baltimore Colts 19-0 at the old Orange Bowl. I remember her picking me up in her yellow Mustang and taking me to her house to tutor me in math. I remember crying at her wedding. Every family has a rock and Rosi was definitely a rock for us. She was strong, she was good, she was an amazing person. Even now, I see pictures of her in the photo album of my memory: skinny, with long, stringy hair, freckles, and carrying baby me like a proud sister or even a mother. This is so unreal, I can't wrap my head around her not being here anymore.
A tragedy like this one is impossible to explain. We can't explain what we can't understand and human beings, unwilling to accept our limits, will throw out every cliche, i.e. things happen for a reason. It may be true that things happen for a reason, but this doesn't make them easier to accept. I found myself regretting not spending more time with them when they were still here, choking on my regret, only to realize I was making this tragedy about myself and not about who it is really about. This is about two kids in their twenties, this is about a mother burying her child. This is about a family left with a hole in it. This is a period of mourning and remembrance, which will be followed by acceptance, and if we get it right, we will be able to celebrate the beauty and the brilliance these beloved friends brought to our lives.
It would take a lifetime to find the words I am looking for here, so I will use the words of Emily Dickinson:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune - without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
In the end, all we have is the memory of those we loved. We open the photo albums and we share the stories, and we laugh. We remember how a life was lived, not how it was ended, or that it ended much too soon to satisfy the longing and the need we have for the smiles, the voices, the laughter. We celebrate a life and a legacy, we appreciate the good in the departed. In the end, we are left with hope. We are left with the expectation of a reunion in heaven where we will once again embrace our loved ones and laugh with them. Where there will be time enough for all of us to express how we feel, and there will be no room for regret.
Make the most of your time, friends. God bless you and protect you.
- Adolfo
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day # 224 - The Battle
A friend sent me a video I just watched. It was of a performance at a church where a young woman is walking with Jesus, until the world starts throwing temptation at her. She then becomes separated from Jesus as she is besieged by drugs, sex, vanity, greed, and the like. She loses hope and puts a gun to her head. The drama ends with Jesus putting himself between the woman and the evil. In the end, Jesus defeats the evil influence and the young woman resumes her walk with Him.
This is a battle we all go through. We know where we should be. We know upon whom we should lay our eyes, and yet, we get sidetracked by money, anger, lust, idleness, or a million other unproductive things.
This is the battle of our lives. Keeping our eyes on the prize, and not letting ourselves be sidetracked by the stupid million little things. This applies to our walk with God, to be sure, but it applies to our life with our families. Do you spend time with them or do you watch TV with them? I am not on a soapbox right now, I am guilty of not giving my family all I can so I speak from experience.
It's important to recognize that you are in a battle. Every day, the enemy will try to keep you from being the best person, parent, friend, son, daughter, whatever, you are meant to be. You have to stay focused on the prize and work your tail off to reach it. No one can do it for you. You must make that decision and pursue it relentlessly. Make excellence and righteousness habits and it gets easy, like any other habit.
There is no shortcut to any place worth going. To be your best, in the eyes of your community, your family, and God, you will have to work hard. There is no proxy for parenting, friendship, or being a good spouse. You cannot do the right thing on a part-time basis. It's all or nothing, and it's hard. I know. I fall every day.
Find where you should be and spend every day getting there.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
This is a battle we all go through. We know where we should be. We know upon whom we should lay our eyes, and yet, we get sidetracked by money, anger, lust, idleness, or a million other unproductive things.
This is the battle of our lives. Keeping our eyes on the prize, and not letting ourselves be sidetracked by the stupid million little things. This applies to our walk with God, to be sure, but it applies to our life with our families. Do you spend time with them or do you watch TV with them? I am not on a soapbox right now, I am guilty of not giving my family all I can so I speak from experience.
It's important to recognize that you are in a battle. Every day, the enemy will try to keep you from being the best person, parent, friend, son, daughter, whatever, you are meant to be. You have to stay focused on the prize and work your tail off to reach it. No one can do it for you. You must make that decision and pursue it relentlessly. Make excellence and righteousness habits and it gets easy, like any other habit.
There is no shortcut to any place worth going. To be your best, in the eyes of your community, your family, and God, you will have to work hard. There is no proxy for parenting, friendship, or being a good spouse. You cannot do the right thing on a part-time basis. It's all or nothing, and it's hard. I know. I fall every day.
Find where you should be and spend every day getting there.
God bless you.
- Adolfo
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day # 223 - Surprise?
You ever try to plan a perfect evening - only to have something come up that made you change your plans? It happened to me yesterday. I didn't really plan an evening, that's not my thing, but I envisioned something that didn't work out the way I hoped. So, I made the best of it.
I had a very long day yesterday and didn't get home until about 8:00PM. I was hoping to come home to my lovely daughters running to meet me at the door yelling, "Daddy!" and my wife giving me a kiss and asking me about my day.
Because I was exhausted and dealing with several challenges, I pictured this as the reward, the light at the end of the tunnel. Until I got home... and there was no light... not a single, solitary light on in the house. They weren't home yet! I was suddenly more tired than before. The wind had gone out of my sails.
I sat down at my desk to get paperwork done and when they got home, I ran out to greet them, leaving the kids locked in the car while I kissed Abby hello. (They hate that - jealous little things they are.)
The rest of the evening was spent as a family, though it was soon time for the girls to go to bed.
It wasn't what I envisioned or planned, but it was all right with me. The important thing is to let the people you love know that you miss them when they are away and that the reunion means so much. It may seem like much if you're home every night, but think of how many people aren't. Think about troops, away in hostile places for months or longer, who don't get to enjoy the simple pleasure of being welcomed home every night. Time is a thief, and we must work against him to make all the memories we can because in the end, the memories will be all that matter. For you and for them.
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
I had a very long day yesterday and didn't get home until about 8:00PM. I was hoping to come home to my lovely daughters running to meet me at the door yelling, "Daddy!" and my wife giving me a kiss and asking me about my day.
Because I was exhausted and dealing with several challenges, I pictured this as the reward, the light at the end of the tunnel. Until I got home... and there was no light... not a single, solitary light on in the house. They weren't home yet! I was suddenly more tired than before. The wind had gone out of my sails.
I sat down at my desk to get paperwork done and when they got home, I ran out to greet them, leaving the kids locked in the car while I kissed Abby hello. (They hate that - jealous little things they are.)
The rest of the evening was spent as a family, though it was soon time for the girls to go to bed.
It wasn't what I envisioned or planned, but it was all right with me. The important thing is to let the people you love know that you miss them when they are away and that the reunion means so much. It may seem like much if you're home every night, but think of how many people aren't. Think about troops, away in hostile places for months or longer, who don't get to enjoy the simple pleasure of being welcomed home every night. Time is a thief, and we must work against him to make all the memories we can because in the end, the memories will be all that matter. For you and for them.
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Day # 222 - Not Yet
A friend of mine left me a message a couple of days congratulating me on surviving A Year Without News and asking what was next. I have 143 days to go yet, but I'm still chugging along. I sometimes wish it had been 2010 without news, but... a year is a year.
Of course, the question of what will come next is one I keep hearing, from others and from myself. What will I do when this year is up, what will this experience mean? Will I look back with fondness or will I wonder what on earth I was doing, or some combination of both?
I guess the beauty is that I really don't know what will happen when the year is up. I don't even know what I will write about tomorrow. I think this will serve as a journal, providing insight into what I was like as I approached 40. I think my children might enjoy reading it one day. I hope they will.
So, as for what's next, I guess we'll see tomorrow. Whatever else, it's been fun. I know some of the posts have been better than others, and I'm okay with that. Writing nonfiction every day is hard work. But this is a lot like going to the gym. This is about the simple discipline of getting up and doing what has to be done. Really, what else is there?
143 days to go. Seems daunting. This isn't a leap year is it?
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Of course, the question of what will come next is one I keep hearing, from others and from myself. What will I do when this year is up, what will this experience mean? Will I look back with fondness or will I wonder what on earth I was doing, or some combination of both?
I guess the beauty is that I really don't know what will happen when the year is up. I don't even know what I will write about tomorrow. I think this will serve as a journal, providing insight into what I was like as I approached 40. I think my children might enjoy reading it one day. I hope they will.
So, as for what's next, I guess we'll see tomorrow. Whatever else, it's been fun. I know some of the posts have been better than others, and I'm okay with that. Writing nonfiction every day is hard work. But this is a lot like going to the gym. This is about the simple discipline of getting up and doing what has to be done. Really, what else is there?
143 days to go. Seems daunting. This isn't a leap year is it?
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Day # 221 - Teeth, Men, Women
Emily is about to lose her first tooth. It's one of the front bottom ones. She's so cute, I can't stand it. I spent most of the day with the girls yesterday but the tooth didn't become a problem until mommy came home. Coincidence? I doubt it.
The irony is that I am the "leave it alone" parent. I don't mess with the tooth, I let nature run its course. Abby, on the other hand, brings out the explosives, hammer, and chisel and goes after the tooth. (Slight exaggeration.) You would expect the child to talk to me about the tooth and then button up when mom gets home. It doesn't always work that way. Mom is still Mom.
In this society, where so many would like to blur the roles of mothers and fathers, or men and women, it's amazing how nature always finds a way. Dad carries the groceries in from the car, cuts the lawn, and chases lizards out of the house; Mom takes care of the babies when they don't feel well. This isn't sexism, it's reality. They come to me when they're scared, they go to mom when they don't feel well.
Emily is only five. Is it early to be losing a tooth? The same happened with Melissa so I guess not. See, these are things dads don't know. All I know is I can't stand to see my little girls unhappy, so I will let that tooth hang on in there until it says, "Enough, I quit!" and walks out on it's own. Anything to not make her cry. Man, I'm a softie.
We all have a role to play; at home, at work, in society. There is no reason to blur the lines or consider it a bad thing to be what God intended you to be. A mother is a mother, and a father is a father. As Time Magazine figured out (the morons actually put it on the cover): There is a difference between men and women. Let's embrace it.
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
The irony is that I am the "leave it alone" parent. I don't mess with the tooth, I let nature run its course. Abby, on the other hand, brings out the explosives, hammer, and chisel and goes after the tooth. (Slight exaggeration.) You would expect the child to talk to me about the tooth and then button up when mom gets home. It doesn't always work that way. Mom is still Mom.
In this society, where so many would like to blur the roles of mothers and fathers, or men and women, it's amazing how nature always finds a way. Dad carries the groceries in from the car, cuts the lawn, and chases lizards out of the house; Mom takes care of the babies when they don't feel well. This isn't sexism, it's reality. They come to me when they're scared, they go to mom when they don't feel well.
Emily is only five. Is it early to be losing a tooth? The same happened with Melissa so I guess not. See, these are things dads don't know. All I know is I can't stand to see my little girls unhappy, so I will let that tooth hang on in there until it says, "Enough, I quit!" and walks out on it's own. Anything to not make her cry. Man, I'm a softie.
We all have a role to play; at home, at work, in society. There is no reason to blur the lines or consider it a bad thing to be what God intended you to be. A mother is a mother, and a father is a father. As Time Magazine figured out (the morons actually put it on the cover): There is a difference between men and women. Let's embrace it.
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Monday, January 3, 2011
Day # 220 - The Wisdom of Children
Yesterday, we had to give our children some bad news. Never an easy thing to do. I won't go into what the news was because it is of a personal nature and it's irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make.
My daughters have rarely seen me cry. I am a bit of a cry baby, but I've managed to keep that side of me from them for a long time. Yesterday, as I spoke with them, I cracked. They saw me lose it. They were upset of course, but Melissa did something that amazed me: she walked away and came back with a little card I have on my desk that reads: Count your blessings not your worries. Of course, me being the tough guy that I am, this made me really start bawling.
The amazing thing is that children will go where you lead them. For the longest time, I have tried to teach my children certain values and attitudes. Positivity is something I want them to have. Given how negative I was most of my life, I find it important to teach them this while they are young, to make these beliefs a part of their nature. If it's my job to mold them into the women they will be one day, then I need to focus on nurturing the good, not whatever their nature may be.
I believe many of us are predisposed to certain attitudes, but I also believe that these attitudes can be replaced with different attitudes. Just as the happiest person can become jaded and angry with the pressures and worries of every day life, the darkest attitude can be lightened with practice.
Yesterday, Melissa made me proud. It's not the first time and it won't be the last. She is an amazing person. The credit for this goes to God, not to her earthly parents. I'm just glad I haven't screwed that up.
Teach your kids the right thing in every circumstance. Talk to them like your equals, not like inferiors. Show them to have confidence, and you never know when they will reward you.
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
My daughters have rarely seen me cry. I am a bit of a cry baby, but I've managed to keep that side of me from them for a long time. Yesterday, as I spoke with them, I cracked. They saw me lose it. They were upset of course, but Melissa did something that amazed me: she walked away and came back with a little card I have on my desk that reads: Count your blessings not your worries. Of course, me being the tough guy that I am, this made me really start bawling.
The amazing thing is that children will go where you lead them. For the longest time, I have tried to teach my children certain values and attitudes. Positivity is something I want them to have. Given how negative I was most of my life, I find it important to teach them this while they are young, to make these beliefs a part of their nature. If it's my job to mold them into the women they will be one day, then I need to focus on nurturing the good, not whatever their nature may be.
I believe many of us are predisposed to certain attitudes, but I also believe that these attitudes can be replaced with different attitudes. Just as the happiest person can become jaded and angry with the pressures and worries of every day life, the darkest attitude can be lightened with practice.
Yesterday, Melissa made me proud. It's not the first time and it won't be the last. She is an amazing person. The credit for this goes to God, not to her earthly parents. I'm just glad I haven't screwed that up.
Teach your kids the right thing in every circumstance. Talk to them like your equals, not like inferiors. Show them to have confidence, and you never know when they will reward you.
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Day # 219 - Changing
Too much happening at once can get the best of anyone. We can't all have the patience of Gandhi, or Mother Teresa, or whomever else happens to be patient. It's always been a weak spot for me. I have always been impatient and temperamental. My temper has often been violent. It used to be one of those blinding emotions. I would lose it to the point that I didn't know what I was doing. With time, I would still lose it, but I started hearing a voice trying to calm me. With more time, I've learned not to ignore the voice. I still get angry, of course, but it's under control.
In this time of resolutions, we hear about weight loss and quitting smoking. If this little project of mine has taught me anything, it's that we need to not look at symptoms but at the source of the problem. I found that much of the negativity I was feeling was a result of my obsession with things that made me unhappy, or aggravated. By eliminating news, then caffeine, then limiting the amount of junk I eat, I have slowly improved myself. I am not at my goal yet, but I am getting there. I am approaching a better me slowly and steadily, which means my gains will be sustainable.
If you want to lose weight, don't think in terms of pounds, think in terms of lifestyle. Do you sit on the couch with a bag of Fritos? Do you drink a lot of soda? Are you getting enough water?
Is money your issue? Do a budget. Yes, it's tedious, but it beats the snot out of being broke all the time.
Are you a negative person? Decide that you will be positive from now on. It is absolutely that simple. Decide that you will be happy and declare it out loud. Don't listen to negative words or music; read uplifting books. Accept and embrace the fact that life will give you lemons, then open up a lemonade stand and share the happiness.
The second day of the year is as good a time as any. Don't make resolutions, make the decision, the determination, and get to work. If you think self-improvement is hard, I can assure you it's easier than the status quo. It's just a matter of forming new habits - One at a time.
Let me know how it goes.
God bless you. Make it a great day. And remember the mantra: Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
- Adolfo
In this time of resolutions, we hear about weight loss and quitting smoking. If this little project of mine has taught me anything, it's that we need to not look at symptoms but at the source of the problem. I found that much of the negativity I was feeling was a result of my obsession with things that made me unhappy, or aggravated. By eliminating news, then caffeine, then limiting the amount of junk I eat, I have slowly improved myself. I am not at my goal yet, but I am getting there. I am approaching a better me slowly and steadily, which means my gains will be sustainable.
If you want to lose weight, don't think in terms of pounds, think in terms of lifestyle. Do you sit on the couch with a bag of Fritos? Do you drink a lot of soda? Are you getting enough water?
Is money your issue? Do a budget. Yes, it's tedious, but it beats the snot out of being broke all the time.
Are you a negative person? Decide that you will be positive from now on. It is absolutely that simple. Decide that you will be happy and declare it out loud. Don't listen to negative words or music; read uplifting books. Accept and embrace the fact that life will give you lemons, then open up a lemonade stand and share the happiness.
The second day of the year is as good a time as any. Don't make resolutions, make the decision, the determination, and get to work. If you think self-improvement is hard, I can assure you it's easier than the status quo. It's just a matter of forming new habits - One at a time.
Let me know how it goes.
God bless you. Make it a great day. And remember the mantra: Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
- Adolfo
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Day # 218 - Peer Pressure
I bought the girls a bottle of sparkling white grape juice. It's made by Welch's and looks like wine both in the bottle and when you pour it. The girls have seen Abby and I drink wine and always ask about it. I poured the glasses without them knowing what it was and when they commented, I put the glasses in front of them and told them they could have their first sip of wine.
At first they didn't believe it, then they were nervously excited, then just plain scared. Melissa was sure the police would come and arrest her parents if she took a sip of the forbidden beverage. I kept telling her it's okay because she has her parents' permission, but she kept telling me it's wrong. Finally, she broke down crying because her parents were trying to get her to do something bad. This was not my intention. I thought they would jump at the opportunity to drink some hooch. My children chose to do the right thing even when the people they trust most tried to convince them to do otherwise.
I feel a certain comfort at this. I believe my kids will be well-prepared for the world out there. I have never told them that if they drink alcohol they'll go blind or die or any other nonsense. I have told them that they need to be 21, and that drinking as a child can harm their still-developing brains. Simple. No need to talk to them like they're idiots. Talking to kids like people is a great way to show them you respect them and how to respect themselves.
We won't always be there to help them make decisions, but preparing them to make the right decisions is the next best thing.
God bless you. Happy New Year.
-Adolfo
At first they didn't believe it, then they were nervously excited, then just plain scared. Melissa was sure the police would come and arrest her parents if she took a sip of the forbidden beverage. I kept telling her it's okay because she has her parents' permission, but she kept telling me it's wrong. Finally, she broke down crying because her parents were trying to get her to do something bad. This was not my intention. I thought they would jump at the opportunity to drink some hooch. My children chose to do the right thing even when the people they trust most tried to convince them to do otherwise.
I feel a certain comfort at this. I believe my kids will be well-prepared for the world out there. I have never told them that if they drink alcohol they'll go blind or die or any other nonsense. I have told them that they need to be 21, and that drinking as a child can harm their still-developing brains. Simple. No need to talk to them like they're idiots. Talking to kids like people is a great way to show them you respect them and how to respect themselves.
We won't always be there to help them make decisions, but preparing them to make the right decisions is the next best thing.
God bless you. Happy New Year.
-Adolfo
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