Trying to avoid happiness? Love the attention a sad little loser always seems to get? Want to wreck anything in your life even resembling joy? Follow these easy instructions and you too can be miserable!
- Take everything personally.
- Accept that everything is happening to you.
- Remember, no matter how hard you try, you'll never get the rewards you deserve.
- Life's fair to everyone except for you.
- Yeah, God really does hate you so you should blame him.
- Jump from bad relationship to bad relationship. Sure he seems like a loser, but love conquers all. In fact, have a couple of babies to strengthen the bond.
- Get into a lot of debt.
- Watch the news
- Wait for the government to fix your problems.
- Blame daddy.
- Blame mommy.
- Blame me if it helps.
- Refuse to accept responsibility for anything.
- Next time someone asks how you're doing, sigh and tell them, "awful." Then spend the next ten minutes whining about broken appliances and flat tires. Because no one else has those kinds of problems. Only you.
- Whatever you do, do not pray. God has an annoying habit of helping you fix your problems, thereby taking away reasons to be miserable.
- When you go to a party, sit in a corner nursing your drink. If you make eye contact, be sure to use puppy dog eyes. This will make people who are at the party want to avoid you because, unlike you, they are there for a good time, not to sulk and feel sorry for themselves.
- Pick fights for no real reason.
- If a friend makes a mistake, even an insignificant one, blow it completely out of proportion, hold it against them for a long time, and allow it to strain the friendship. When the friend asks where you've been, tell him you've been super-busy.
- Just don't return calls, even if the friend didn't make any mistake. Make him chase you.
- Ladies: giving sex away too soon in a relationship will often lead to waning interest on the part of the man. Give it up on the first night and he won't even call you back (unless it's for another go.) But even if you make him wait, remember that this guy is just like the others because you made him this way. In fact, you should punish him for everything your ex did.
- Men: Keep sitting on the couch eating donuts. Homer Simpson is a good role model for those seeking optimum misery.
- Do not read any self-help books.
- Expect the worst at all times. It's important that you expect it all the time, we wouldn't want any good things creeping in and ruining your pity-party.
Well, I hope this helps you maintain your current level of misery. If you are one of these people (and you know who you are) be honest with yourself. How many of the above things do you really do? Does this help you recognize the problems? What are you going to do about it?
Today's Lessons:
- Stop being miserable. It is a choice.
- Be happy. And QTIP: Quit Taking It Personal.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am happy. I am leaving the sadness and misery behind.
- I will count my blessings because blessings break curses.
Just do it. Let's all be happy. We all want a better, more peaceful and prosperous life. You must be happy to make this happen.
Make it your best, happiest day yet. God bless you.
- Adolfo
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