Showing posts with label inner peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inner peace. Show all posts

Monday, November 15, 2010

Day # 172 - As long as I'm up...

For so long, I've woken up in the middle of the night and made no use of the time, thinking of it as an inconvenience, or TV time, or time for mindless web-surfing. Now that I have no TV, I am putting the time to better use. I pray for a while and then I go online to write this blog.

I have written about those small hours when the rest of the world is asleep and you can listen to God but I have a hard time taking my own advice. I allow the anticipation of the noise ahead to steal the silence. I begin to think about work or other challenges and I drown out God's voice. I lose the opportunity to spend time with Him because I am too busy trying to figure out how to do it all on my own.

So I'm writing and soon, after I post, I will either go back to bed to sleep, or I will sit here in my office to pray, to let God guide me. Sometimes, we let our ego convince us that we don't need God. We believe we do everything we do on our own, without help, without divine protection. Maybe we can do it all on our own, but why would we want to?

For me, the hardest part of prayer is keeping my mind from wandering. The day, the stresses, the challenges, the negative voices, all creep in and distract me. It's like they're designed to keep me from speaking to, or more importantly, listening to, God. Even as I write this, in an effort to acknowledge the challenges, the distractions come up: a piece of paper of no particular importance catches my eye; a sound outside; the noise of the house settling or the breeze knocking a branch off a tree. The world conspires to keep me from God, to keep me from my best. I am complicit in this because I allow it to happen. Not for long.

Find your quiet time. Find time to be alone with God, alone with your thoughts. Quiet the noise and find peace. It is there that you'll find God. It is there that you'll find answers.

- Adolfo

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Day # 164 - Confessions of a Dangerous Banker

The Great Recession has affected my family like it has affected most families. I lost my job, my business went down the tubes and my lifestyle has changed. Yet, I am happier than I have been in a long time. While I make and spend less money, I have found ways to experience life in a more positive, fulfilling way.

I was thinking about my years as a banker and financial advisor and the lies I told people during that time. Mostly, I was saying what I was trained to say. I was ignorant of the truth. This is not an excuse. It's inexcusable to knowingly give destructive advice and it's inexcusable to regurgitate information, even if it comes from your boss, without verifying it first.

For years, I told people not to pay off their mortgage. I convinced them they were better off investing the money with me and keeping the tax benefits of the mortgage (interest deduction.) Now I know better. The amount of interest the average person pays in a year is enormous compared to the tax benefits. It makes no sense in most cases to stay in debt.

I sold debt as a good thing, convincing people they should take out equity lines and loans and credit cards. There is nothing good about this. When your banker tells you to get an equity loan for emergencies, beware. Their intentions may be pure, but will you have the discipline to really use it only for emergencies?

I tried to convince people that it was always their fault when they overdrew their account. Truthfully, if you overdraw your account, it is your fault - with the exception of fraud or the rare bank error. However, banks stack incoming items largest to smallest regardless of the time they came in. Why? If you have $1,000 in your checking account and seven items come in totaling $,1079.00 in ascending order (smallest to largest) by paying the largest item (let's say $900) first, the bank will clock you for 5 or 6 overdraft fees. If they let them post in order of arrival, with the large one being last, they can only hit you once. It's disgusting. I was one of the space monkeys convincing people this was done for their own good because larger items are typically more important (rent, health insurance, car payments, etc.)

Of course, you are ultimately responsible and should have enough money to cover your bills.

Don't ask me which bank I worked for, it doesn't matter. They're all about the same.

If you decide to work with a financial advisor, ask for his credentials. Licensing means nothing, you need to know what his experience is. Most of these guys are just good salesmen. Do your homework and ask tough questions. You may be better off doing your own investments with the help of your CPA. I knew one "top producer" who had previously been a waiter at Denny's. I don't mean to make ends meet while earning his MBA, I mean he was a waiter! And now he was offering "sound" financial advice. What he really was was a commission hound slashing and burning his way through his prospects.

You must make the time to watch your money. You must make a budget. You must balance your checkbook. You must put money away for retirement. You must save for your children's college. You must get out of debt. These things are simple, but not easy.

You wouldn't take medical advice from a waiter at Denny's would you? Of course not! Do you really think financial advice is different?

Go to daveramsey.com and see about getting into Financial Peace University. It's a great way to learn about money management.

More than half of divorces are on account of money. Mine was. I don't wish divorce on anyone. Especially over something as common as money.

You do have the time for this. You can learn these things. Shut off the TV and get serious about it. Social Security will not be around much longer and do you really want to spend your retirement clearing trays at McDonalds? Didn't think so!

God bless you and your finances. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Friday, October 1, 2010

Day # 127 - Taming the Wild Bureaucrats

The last couple of days I have focused on happiness. It is the main reason why I am writing this blog and it's the aim in our lives. Think of anything you want, a spouse, a dog, a million bucks, and you'll see the reason you want those things is for happiness. We each define our own happiness, but I can tell you without a doubt that if we can't control the little things, the big things mean absolutely nothing.

I was in Downtown Miami yesterday in court, taking care of a small, but fairly significant legal issue. I don't like the government, I dislike bureaucracy and I hate intentional inefficiency. These things are part of my nature. I can't help it. I went to the government office on Wednesday to start this process. Due to the rain, it took me two hours to get there. I made the most of the time, making phone calls to clients and listening to positive books on CD.

I felt like the devil himself was trying to turn me back. I even made a wrong turn on the way. I thought of leaving it for another day, but decided it was too important. The lady who helped me was so extremely helpful, I thought I was checking in to a 5-Star hotel. She gave me all the documents I needed, instructions, and even found me an appointment for the next day, when most times you have to wait a month to be helped.

I returned and was helped by another charming lady, who was extremely patient in helping me fill out the forms and getting them in order. Problem essentially solved. Bureaucracy tamed!

Why do I tell you this? Because I believe this went as smoothly as it did because I walked in with a smile and a positive expectation. I told myself this was going to be a pleasant experience. I got what I expected. If I had gone in there expecting it to be bad, it would have been. In fact, I would probably still be sitting in an uncomfortable chair waiting for my name to be called.

If this can work with the government, it can work with anything. Go in with the right mindset and you can do anything - and more pleasantly. Raise your expectations. Smile and choose happiness. Take a book wherever you go so the wait is not so unbearable and the time is used intelligently. I was shocked (eh not so much) that no one else in that waiting room had a book. There were plenty of people playing games on their cell phones, or chatting, complaining about the slow service, but no one was taking advantage of the time to enrich their lives.

Which one of those people are you? Are you the one with the book? Are you the one with the phone? Are you the one complaining to the person next to you?

Simply put: are you happy or unhappy?

Make the better choice.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet.

-Adolfo

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Thursday, September 30, 2010

# 126 - Programming Happiness

What time do you wake up in the morning? Do you sleep until the last possible moment before getting up rushing through a shower, getting dressed, getting the kids ready, and all the rest? Or do you wake up early enough to have time to really prepare yourself for a successful day?

Some people call me a freak because I am usually awake before 5:00AM and I do it without an alarm clock. On Saturday and Sunday, I sleep in, waking up around 6:00 or 6:30. Don't get me wrong, I have overslept on occasion but I can oversleep and still wake up before most people.

Why have we placed such a high premium on sleep? Is it tiredness or is it laziness. We're told to get 8 hours a night. I haven't had 8 hours since I was in grade school and I am not suffering for it. It's how my body is wired and I'm okay with it. Rising early provides "Me" time and productivity time.

My routine goes like this: I wake up on my own and I can usually tell, to within ten minutes, what time it is. Today is one of those days where it was earlier than I thought. I only know this because the computer tells me so.

I lay in bed for about 15-30 minutes. I have always let me thoughts wander during this time, but I have come to the realization that this is destructive so I now guide my thoughts. I guide them toward thoughts of happiness, fulfillment, success, and love. When my mind wanders in a direction I'd rather not go, I reel it back in, and begin the process again. I imagine my day going smoothly. I see myself having a successful day at work. I think about this blog.

This blog had become a source of stress for me. The thought of writing day after day had become a challenge. I changed my approach. I know I am going to write, I know the words will flow, and all I need to think about at that point is what thoughts I will be sharing with you.

Waking up and giving myself this time also relieves the stress of hurrying and gives me time to start missing my children. I think about waking them up and laying out their uniforms. I think about them brushing their teeth and putting on their uniforms. I get to appreciate them for the miracles they are. Why do I want to miss them? It helps me appreciate them.

I think about my sons, who live on their own, and I wonder how their morning will go. I send them love and blessings and positive thoughts. I let them know I am with them. I ask God to send angels to look after them. I declare their happiness and success.

I declare my own success. I declare blessings over my life and my family and friends. I pray for the president and the troops and the children of the world. I pray for peace and joy. I decide it will be a good day.

Then, I get out of bed. Look out world!

Make it your best day. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Day # 125 - The Case for Optimism

I used to be of the belief that an optimist is someone who is always disappointed. Somehow that idea was stuck in my head at a young age and it stayed with me for a long time. I imagine the reasoning is that life can't meet optimistic expectations, better to be pessimistic and pleasantly surprised.

I know now what a load of crap that is.

Optimism is, of course, about positive expectations and outlook, but there's more to it than that. Optimism is making the best of what you are given. I expected X but got Y. Rather than complain, be thankful it wasn't Z. Oh, no! Anything but the dreaded Z! Optimism is a choice, it's not predetermined. Sure, some of us have a tendency to be darker than others. I know, I am one of those people who tend toward dark thoughts, anger, and cynicism. Positivity is a choice and it's sometimes hard work. Sometimes I have the need to vent my anger. The difference between now and a couple of years ago is that I get the anger out of my system and move on. I don't dwell on things.

My father always told me that temper tantrums will kill a person. I don't know how factual his statement is, but I tend to agree. Sure, you can have a heart attack even if you're the happiest guy in the world, but something tells me it's more likely if you're an angry sort of fellow. Besides, might as well have fun until the moment arrives. Angry people don't have fun. Pessimistic people don't have fun.

If misery loves company, isolate it and let it die. Choose happiness.

Today's Lessons:

- Choose optimism. I promise you will not be disappointed.
- Smile. It's the first step to a positive outlook.
- Hang around positive people. It's contagious.

Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am blessed with a positive outlook and positive expectations.

Make it your best day yet, and remember, the best way to do that is by making the best of whatever kind of day it is.

God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Day # 104 - The Wisdom of Obi-Wan

I caught a few minutes of Return of the Jedi a couple of days ago. Yes, I watched a little TV but none of it was news. I was having a lazy day - I wrote about it yesterday.

The Obi-Wan hologram was warning Luke Skywalker to be mindful of his thoughts. This is good advice. Just as a running back will tell you that where your head goes, your body will follow; where your mind goes your life will follow.

What are your initial thoughts when you wake up each morning. Are they positive? How's your self-talk? Do you say, "Oh no, another day at my crappy job," or do you simply imagine yourself slapping the snot out of your boss or a co-worker?

What do you tell yourself? Do you even remember what you told yourself this morning before you got out of bed? Does your mind wander to negative, destructive places? I know mine tends to. I also know that a lot of that has to do with what I read (or watch) before going to bed. Last night I read the bible. Psalms 55 (Cast your cares upon the Lord and He will sustain you.)

When I woke up this morning, and the usual negative, nonsensical thoughts started running through my head, I would simply say, "stop," and "reset" and set my mind on more positive, productive paths. I plan to continue this throughout the day. Mood is a choice. It starts with the thoughts you choose to allow to swirl around in your head and continues with what you choose to do about them.

Lessons:

- Be mindful of your thoughts. While it's okay to let your mind wander, watch where it goes.
- Garbage in - garbage out. What you read and watch is going to affect your thinking. Make better choices.
- Engage in positive self-talk. When you're mind goes negative, order it to stop and correct your course.

Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am in control of my thoughts. I am the master of my fate.
- I am a positive person.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet!

- Adolfo

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day # 68 - How to be miserable (for dummies)

Trying to avoid happiness? Love the attention a sad little loser always seems to get? Want to wreck anything in your life even resembling joy? Follow these easy instructions and you too can be miserable!

- Take everything personally.
- Accept that everything is happening to you.
- Remember, no matter how hard you try, you'll never get the rewards you deserve.
- Life's fair to everyone except for you.
- Yeah, God really does hate you so you should blame him.
- Jump from bad relationship to bad relationship. Sure he seems like a loser, but love conquers all. In fact, have a couple of babies to strengthen the bond.
- Get into a lot of debt.
- Watch the news
- Wait for the government to fix your problems.
- Blame daddy.
- Blame mommy.
- Blame me if it helps.
- Refuse to accept responsibility for anything.
- Next time someone asks how you're doing, sigh and tell them, "awful." Then spend the next ten minutes whining about broken appliances and flat tires. Because no one else has those kinds of problems. Only you.
- Whatever you do, do not pray. God has an annoying habit of helping you fix your problems, thereby taking away reasons to be miserable.
- When you go to a party, sit in a corner nursing your drink. If you make eye contact, be sure to use puppy dog eyes. This will make people who are at the party want to avoid you because, unlike you, they are there for a good time, not to sulk and feel sorry for themselves.
- Pick fights for no real reason.
- If a friend makes a mistake, even an insignificant one, blow it completely out of proportion, hold it against them for a long time, and allow it to strain the friendship. When the friend asks where you've been, tell him you've been super-busy.
- Just don't return calls, even if the friend didn't make any mistake. Make him chase you.
- Ladies: giving sex away too soon in a relationship will often lead to waning interest on the part of the man. Give it up on the first night and he won't even call you back (unless it's for another go.) But even if you make him wait, remember that this guy is just like the others because you made him this way. In fact, you should punish him for everything your ex did.
- Men: Keep sitting on the couch eating donuts. Homer Simpson is a good role model for those seeking optimum misery.
- Do not read any self-help books.
- Expect the worst at all times. It's important that you expect it all the time, we wouldn't want any good things creeping in and ruining your pity-party.

Well, I hope this helps you maintain your current level of misery. If you are one of these people (and you know who you are) be honest with yourself. How many of the above things do you really do? Does this help you recognize the problems? What are you going to do about it?

Today's Lessons:

- Stop being miserable. It is a choice.
- Be happy. And QTIP: Quit Taking It Personal.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I am happy. I am leaving the sadness and misery behind.
- I will count my blessings because blessings break curses.

Just do it. Let's all be happy. We all want a better, more peaceful and prosperous life. You must be happy to make this happen.

Make it your best, happiest day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo


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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Day # 66 - We all need a boost

I started this project for me. I continue for me. In a sense I do it for my family because what benefits me benefits them. If I am a happier, more productive individual everyone who depends on me benefits. My family is happier, we are all eating better (most of the time) and we are focused on improving our lives.

Of course, putting this out there for the public, I do want it to be read and enjoyed by others. And if it helps someone even just a little, then I am the happiest man in the world. After all, if you want to change the world, you have to start with yourself.

An old friend of mine wrote me some encouraging words last night and I am high on them. She is someone whose opinion of me I truly value so when she paid me a compliment, I felt validation. I didn't even know I was looking for validation, but I guess we all are.

It doesn't matter who you are or how successful you are. We all need to be loved and we all want someone to tell us we are loved. We all want to be appreciated. Study after study has proven that employees are more motivated by rewards and recognition than by money. It's part of human nature.

Do you know someone who needs encouragement? Of course you do. This could be your spouse, your child, a friend, a neighbor, even a stranger or a co-worker. Give them a boost. Smile when you see them. Thank someone who does something for you. If you receive extraordinary service from someone, don't hesitate to tell their supervisor. If we all pitch in and give everyone we can a little shot in the arm, we start the snowball that makes the world better.

Today's Lessons:

- We all need a boost. Knowing this, you should boost someone else today. The good you put out into the universe always finds its way back.
- You can be the difference in a person's life. This works in both ways: positive and negative. Make the right choice.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I improve my world every day by being an example to others.
- I will encourage those who need to be encouraged. I will discourage none.

Boosting opportunities abound. Keep your eyes open and you'll find countless ways to improve the world, one little boost at a time.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Day # 65 - Contagion III

I've written before about the contagious nature of moods. We've all said or heard, "You're bringing me down." Or, "I'm here to cheer you up." We can set a mood and have our mood altered by the people around us. This not only applies to friends, it applies to people who stand in line ahead of or behind us. It applies to customers and co-workers. It definitely applies to other drivers when we're stuck in traffic.

I witnessed this firsthand yesterday as a troublesome client got the better of one of my co-workers. He's usually a very nice guy but this particular client has managed to upset every person who works there. Except me. I find this person fascinating. I'm pretty sure she has some kind of mental condition. Or, as my co-workers so gently put it: she's nuts.

It's obvious that we shouldn't let other people determine our mood for us - unless, of course, they are spreading happiness and joy, in which case we welcome it. But if a person is difficult and disagreeable, you must let it slide.

Here goes:

A person is unpleasant. You can't stand this person. They put you in a bad mood and now you are unpleasant. Congratulations, you have become that which you despise. You failed.

Or:

A person is unpleasant. You can't stand this person. You attempt to kill them with kindness. It doesn't work. Tell yourself that they are a temporary guest in your life. They will soon be gone.

See, if you allow this person to put you in a bad mood, the unpleasantness lasts a lot longer than if you view them as a blip on your screen. Try to determine the rest of their day if you can, but, whatever you do, don't allow them to determine even a minute of yours.

Another thing, if this person is crazy or mentally ill as I suspect with this particular person, do not hold it against them. It's no different than hating a person because of their skin or eye color or some other uncontrollable factor. Include this person in your prayers and direct your positivity at them. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Today's Lessons:

- Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
- Be a positive influence rather than a receptacle for negative influence.
- Try to find the good in every person and every situation.

Today's Lessons:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I determine my mood. No one can determine it for me.
- I am in control of my emotions, my reactions, and the impression I make on others.

Spread the joy. Kill the sorrow and anger. We are all looking for ways to change the world. This is where you start.

- Adolfo

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Sunday, July 11, 2010

Day # 45 - Stick to the plan.

I told my kids that any time I heard them say, "I can't" they would owe me ten jumping jacks. They both had to pay up publicly last night. I told them I would do it and to not stick to my plan would send so many wrong messages. I want them to know that when their father says something he means it. I want them to know that the words, "I can't" are dirty words, profane words, like the "F" word - destructive, negative and unnecessary. Just as profanity is the language of the ignorant, negative talk is the language of losers. My kids will not be losers and will not speak the loser's language.

My hotel hosted a breakfast for a large group of business and community leaders Friday. I saw many familiar faces and some new ones. It was nice. I had allowed myself to feel like a bit of an outcast after losing my job back in November and I realize I had no reason to. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Yesterday, I was called in to handle a few situations and left home without my phone. I don't like to be electronically stranded, but it's liberating in a way. I had to run to the FedEx store, where I ran into one of my old bank customers, who greeted me warmly and asked for my contact information. We will be working on some things together in the near future. Stopped by another store in my journey and ran into another one of my bank customers who also greeted me warmly. Went to dinner last night and saw yet another person from the past, a HoneyBee customer, who had a big smile and kind words for me. I was also asked by two separate companies if I would be interested in coming to work for them. I am flattered, but I started something and I intend to stick to it.

I received an e-mail from someone who told me I am a bit of a legend around town and that I have a reputation for being good person. I have to admit, my eyes got a little wet at that one. I have made so many mistakes in my life and for so long I feared that was all anyone would remember me for. People want to believe in your goodness and in your ability. Sure, there are people out there who will never like you no matter what you do. Accept it, write it off as their loss, not yours, and move on to the happy people.

My plan is to succeed at everything I do. Friday was a big step in that direction. I am sticking to my plan.

Lessons:

- Make plans. Don't obsess about them, but make them and stick to them, adjusting as necessary.
- Your reputation matters.
- Don't presume to know what other people think of you. Endeavor to influence how people think of you.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way, I am getting better and better.
- I have favor in the eyes of the people I meet.
- People see me for who I am.

Take care of your relationships. Stick to your plans. Don't just stop and smell the roses, say hello to the gardener, too.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo


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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Day # 44 - Plans and lists

I slept for about ten hours. It usually takes me two days to get that much sleep. I want to go back to bed, but life won't wait for me so I am up.

Are you a planner? Do you plan out your day, your week, your month, your grocery shopping, your vacations, your finances? I've never been much of a planner. I was always more of a winger. I have become a list writer and that has made me more effective.

Many experts will tell you that at the end of each day you should take five minutes and write out a plan for the next day and at the end of the week you should do the same for the following week. I am not there yet. I am trying to get better about that, but I am also one of those who believe that a battle plan typically doesn't survive the first shot.

So I compromise. I make my to-do lists and I keep them front and center on my desk so that I cannot ignore them no matter how busy or distracted I may be. It's something most people do as a matter of course. For me, it's a major life change. One of the results is that my follow-up, which was often spotty, is improving. I am returning calls more quickly, I'm keeping track of the various balls I have in the air at any given time. I am better as a result and I'm just getting started.

I like listing things on paper. Writing helps me remember and my phone rings and beeps so often that I want to ignore it most of the time any way. (I said I want to, I didn't day I do.) Writing is reciting internally. It helps me to learn and helps put things in the proper place - mentally speaking

Find your system, perfect it, and stick to it. You'll see the difference.

Lessons:

- The Five P's: Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance
- Amateurs remember, pros write it down
- Whatever you do, remember to KISS - Keep It Sweet & Simple.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will plan the work and work the plan.
- I will map out my day, my week, and my life. This is how I will reach my goals.

Plan on doing it. List the reasons why. The reasons can be anything from improving your performance to making more money to controlling your schedule so you can spend more time with your family.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Day # 42 - Words of encouragement

Have you ever gone bowling with a five-year old? It's an experience. The ball rolls tortoise-like down the lane at (literally) two miles per hour. It sometimes lands so gently that the conveyor can't pick it up so you need to jam another down the lane in the hopes of moving the other one. Spotty success rate there.

So there I am with my little girl. She weighs around forty pounds. The lightest ball weighs six. It's the equivalent of someone my size rolling a Volkswagen down the lane in an effort to knock over the Rocky Mountains - at least in her mind. I kneel next to her and tell her: "Send it right down the middle. I believe in you. I know you can do it." She throws a strike. Just like that, I have made my child believe in herself. Just like that, I have boosted her self-esteem.

I boost her not by celebrating her failures, which she will have, which we all have, I boost her by reminding her that she is capable and that I am her biggest fan. When I say celebrating her failure, I am referring to outcome-based education, where no one fails a class, sports leagues where no one loses and score is not kept, and schools where kids are not corrected in order to not damage their fragile little egos.

Talk about setting someone up for failure. This does not resemble the real world in the least.

My little girl loves to eat. I don't know where she puts it. She is tiny. She convinced my wife to buy her some chicken fingers and once the food arrived, she stopped focusing on the game. When her turn came she would drop the ball and walk away. Daddy reprimanded her. I told her that her chicken wouldn't fly away and that she needed to live in the moment. She did it again and I told her I was disappointed in her behavior. Once she focused and did her best, she was praised.

I know it feels good to praise your kids. I know it feels good to be praised. It feels better when it is actually earned. Hollow compliments are destructive. Kids know when they've done a good job and they know when they've failed. When you praise laziness or mediocrity you send the wrong message. After all, if you get a pat on the back for no effort,why bother putting any effort at all?

It's a sin to not strive to reach your God-given potential. It's a greater sin to prevent others from doing so. It's okay to tell your kids or your teammates or your staff when they have failed at something. It's okay to set high expectations. It's not okay to make excuses. It's not okay to fail. It's not okay to celebrate failure or lack of effort.

One last thing: I stole an idea from Art Williams, former college football coach and motivational speaker. When I hear my kids say, "I can't," they have to drop and give me three push ups. If not three push ups, ten jumping jacks. I'm hearing those words a lot less these days. Go ahead and call Family Protective Services on me.

Lessons:

- People, especially children, will rise to your expectations. Do them a favor and set them high.
- You don't do anyone any favors by being too soft on them.
- Failure is to be hated, not celebrated.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will encourage effort and success. I will never celebrate mediocrity
- I will set high expectations, knowing those around me can exceed them

Our parents made mistakes and we have made mistakes. It's part of being human. Learn from them, don't repeat them, and move on. It is our goal to make everyone around us better. As they rise, so shall we.

Make it your best day yet! God bless you.



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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Day # 41 - 324 days to go. Is it worth it?

The answer is YES. A million times yes. Last night, Abby and I sat in the office and we talked about the 40 day milestone. I asked her if she thought I was different and she told me that I am. She told me that I have not only changed, I have improved. I am calmer, more patient, better.

I never intended for this to be a self help column. I never really thought it would help other people, but some people tell me that reading my words has helped them. I am humbled and honored.

If you have issues (who doesn't?) that you want to deal with but you don't know where to start, the answer is to just do it. Take a moment and sit in silence. Review your day, your week, your year, and even your life. Look at where you have come up short and try to find the common denominator. It's not hard to do if you really want it. Is your life all it could be? Are you reaching your potential? If not, what's keeping you down?

For me, it was my inability to focus on positive things. I was a news junkie. News is a way of taking knowledge of all that is bad, depressing, and negative in the world and injecting it into your very soul. How can you be up when you O.D. on downers every morning?

So, I gave it up. I quit cold turkey. This has led to me also giving up caffeine and most (not all) junk food. It's what Darren Hardy calls "The Compound Effect." Little things mean everything and they add up to big improvements in your life. If you think the little things don't matter, think about the last time you were on a plane. If you could remove your entire seat (leaving you sitting on the floor) or a couple of the screws that hold the wing to the fuselage, which would you remove? The point is, you would be uncomfortable, but you would arrive safely. Of course if you prefer to be comfortable when you crash, be my guest. I want to touch down in a better place, even if it means a sore tush.

Lessons:

- Get out of your comfort zone. No one grows without pain.
- It's not easy. If it were, you would have done it years ago.
- Baby steps. This will not happen in a day. You must have patience. With patience, grass becomes milk.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will take the first step toward improving myself today.
- I know I can be the person I was meant to be. Today I start proving it.

Take the first step. Sit in the silence, away from noise, TV, the computer, the phone. Listen to your mind and nothing else. Look for the thread. What's holding you back. You may not find it on the first try. It may take days, but you will be planting the seeds of commitment when you sit and listen to your thoughts. And that will be the first step on your journey.

Make it your best day ever. God bless you.

- Adolfo

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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Day # 40 - 40 days and nights, discipline

By nature I am not a disciplined person. I am a hard worker. I am not afraid of a challenge. I have ambition. Just lacking discipline. It's why I don't work out as much as I should. It's why for so many years I thought my temper was uncontrollable and simply a part of my DNA like my eye color.

My parents loved me and did their best with my sister and me, but they didn't teach me discipline. My sister was always disciplined. She worked hard, did her homework, and got good grades with minimal supervision. I was the opposite: I required maximum security level supervision and still did poorly in school - in spite of my ability. I actually made a vice-principal cry once. She was so disappointed that a boy of my intelligence simply refused to live up to his potential.

I used to sit and wonder what I could have been had I had discipline. Now I recognize the futility of such exercises and I think about what I can become if I am disciplined from now on.

For forty days I have written about this experience and every day I learn a little something more about what it is I am really doing. God works in mysterious ways and what started as me giving up news has become about finding myself, rediscovering my ambitions, and learning to have focus and discipline.

Sometimes, if you stick to something that is good and productive, you will find more than you expected. I hoped to develop a more positive attitude. I never thought there was anything more to this. Forty days in I know I was only seeing half the picture. Maybe less than half.

Funny thing about Forty Days. When God wanted to renew the earth, it rained for forty days (and nights.) Jesus fasted for forty days. It took Moses forty days to receive the laws from God. Yesterday was my fortieth day and I can feel such a difference in my life, I know there must be something to it.

The cynics will roll their eyes. I am still a cynic or that thought would not have come to my mind. So let's call this the first forty days. But the truth is if you do not believe in a higher power, it's all meaningless anyway. Sure, life is beautiful but the thought that it ends when we close our eyes for the final time is depressing. There has to be more.

There's got to be just more to it than this
Oh, tell me why do we exist
I'd like to think that when I die
I get a chance, another try


Those are Iron Maiden lyrics. Yes, Iron Maiden, the heavy metal, devil-worshipping band from the 1980's. The lyrics are referring to reincarnation, which is something I don't mean to advocate, but if they believe there's something more, and someone like me, who is now their spiritual polar opposite (or trying to be) believes it, there must be something there.

The question of course, it what else is there?

That's for you to decide. The answer for me is Jesus Christ. But to get to that answer, to reach that conclusion, I must be disciplined. It's too easy to give into temptation. It's too easy to give up or take the easy way out. I don't want to be that person.

Lessons:

- It's never to late to become a disciplined person. Decide to do it and do it.
- 40 days was enough to flood the earth and prepare Jesus for ministry but it may not be enough for you.
- Discipline, like learning, is a daily thing. It never ends. If you want to be all you can be, you'd better get used to that fact.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I am disciplined, focused, and committed to my goals
- My dedication makes me stronger, it makes me better, it brings me closer to God.

No one does it alone, and no one does it without discipline. When we look at the big picture, we realize that discipline is a small thing. Take that first step toward being the person you are meant to be.

Make it your best day ever. God bless you.

- Adolfo


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Friday, July 2, 2010

Day # 36 - A day of rest

Too tired to be inspired. Well, not exactly, but I am tired. Yesterday was a long day that started around 4:00 AM and I didn't get home last night until after 9:00 PM. There was more than the usual amount of stress, some of it involving family. Everything will work out fine, but it's tough in the moment.

So many things happened and the ironic result is that I am left with nothing to write about. But it got me to thinking. (Terrifying, I know.) After 35 straight days of this, I am tired. Just like exercise. If you don't rest between workouts, your body can't recover. Since this is an exercise regimen for the mind, perhaps my mind is a little tired.

I need a break.

I intend to continue this journey and I will continue writing about it, but for today, I am going to go easy. No profound discoveries, no philosophy. Just one word of advice: Rest.

For years I have lived with insomnia. It's gotten better lately and I believe that quitting caffeine and eating better is part of the reason for this improvement. I accepted the condition, never seeing a doctor, always making the most of the extra time it gave me. I still don't plan on doing anything, my self-medication (hooray chamomile - boo caffeine) is working just fine.

But listen to your body and your mind. When you need a break take it. Sometimes you have to push a little farther, but sometimes you have to just let go.

Lessons:

- Rest. Even God took a break on the 7th day.
- Your inbox is supposed to be full. Go home. The work will be there tomorrow.
- You can't be productive if you're exhausted.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I understand the importance of resting my mind and body and I will give both the rest they need
- I will do my best and I accept that I can't do everything. This is why God invented tomorrow

Remember, I am not saying you should quit your job and go surfing. You also shouldn't ignore deadlines. You should, however, find balance and take a nap.

Make it your best day ever. God bless you.


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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Day # 35 - Back to school

I love books. Truly, I can't live without them. I own thousands of them and have given thousands more away over the years. At the present time, I have 43 books by my bed (I have a nightstand and a second small table.) There is a bookshelf built into the wall which is holding over 100 books and there are probably 300 magazines there, most of which belong to Abby.

I have two bookshelves in the living room packed with more books and there are a few hundred more in the garage. While I have given away thousands of books over the years, there are some I can't part with - at least not yet. Although I've read them, there are some books I have to have near me. I go back to them now and again and read a favorite passage or randomly open to whatever page and read a few lines.

Having them brings me comfort. I have some of the greatest minds in history in my house: Hemingway, Dickinson, Shakespeare, Dumas, Frost, Poe. Such brilliance, mine for the taking. I love books!

I don't own a Kindle or any kind of digital book reader. I don't know if I ever will. There's just something about the feel, the weight of a book. The smell of the paper. Falling asleep with it in my hands, waking up and trying to figure out where I was. I really love books. I even love them on CD, which have become my favored form of entertainment when driving.

I told you that to tell you this:

Never stop learning. School is where you get your training, but life is where you get your education. Education is ongoing, education is gained from experience, from your parents, from your teachers when they stray from the lesson plan, from listening to an elderly person, from standing in line between people who are impatient. Education comes from watching the birth of your child, the death of a loved one. Education comes from being lost in suburbia, falling in love, divorce, reconciliation, arguments, laughter, thoughts, listening to birds, walking along a busy street. Education comes from books you choose to read.

I feel a bit concerned for people who don't want to learn. People content with what they already know kind of annoy me. It's wrong on my part because it's none of my business, but if you're not growing you're dying. I hate to sound melodramatic, but another way television is destroying humanity is that it's created a lack of real intellectual curiosity.

Obesity continues to spread and its not just our butts that have gotten soft and mushy. The same is happening to people's brains. We are a society suffering from mental obesity. We don't exercise our minds or expand our knowledge. We don't exercise our curiosity and it is starting to atrophy.

It's no wonder America isn't what it used to be. It's no surprise that we elect the "leaders" we do. We allow politicians and the media to tell us how unfair life is; how the rich get richer and the poor get screwed. Never mind that about 80% of the millionaires in this country are self-made. You're being fed propaganda meant to make you believe that the difference between you and your boss is that your boss is a cheater. Don't listen to Obama, Pelosi, McCain, or any of the rest of these losers who have never spent a moment in the real world. Read the biographies of people like Carnegie, Edison, Tony Robbins, Oprah, Suze Orman, and countless others, who made something out of their lives by sheer force of will.

The government and media will never teach you this. Only books will. No one ever got rich or even independent from welfare. Any welfare success stories begin when someone got off the government dole.

I challenge you to read today. It doesn't matter what it is. Even if it's a novel. Just read. Start the habit. Turn off the TV with it's poisonous propaganda and do something constructive. Educate yourself. And let me know how it goes.

Lessons:

- Education never ends
- Books broaden your horizons by challenging you to think. TV does the thinking for you.
- The propagandists are not your friends.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will dedicate time to educating myself
- I will never be complete, I will always evolve
- I will resist propaganda and think for myself

There are so many worthy biographies. Benjamin Franklin's autobiography. Abraham Lincoln's story is amazing. Yogi Berra. Sylvester Stallone. There are literally thousands, if not millions of inspiring biographies out there. Read them and share your thoughts with me.

Make it your best day ever. God bless you.

-Adolfo


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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day # 33 - Eliminating things (people) that take your peace

Rome wasn't built in a day - it wasn't burnt in a day either. Every day on this journey is a struggle in one form or another. I make progress, but sometimes I fall. Sometimes I let external factors steal my peace and my joy. The solution is simple: I get back up and keep pushing toward the goal.

I want to talk about peace and business. The two may seem pretty incompatible, but they are very connected. I am involved in several projects and to some tiny extent I am trying to build - or rebuild - something. It's a challenge under perfect circumstances. Impossible when the people with whom you are working, people who should share your goals, seem to sabotage you at every turn. It means you now have two mountains to move. It's enough to make you crazy.

I am experiencing this. The truth is, I always have. I have often found myself in situations where someone has their own agenda and is willing to destroy everything the rest of the team is working for in order to advance it. I have dealt with it in different ways, and I have found the most effective way to deal with it is to remove them from the situation. Always begin with a conversation - a warning if you will. If this doesn't work, bring out the scalpel. Most projects or businesses are stressful enough without keeping the problem children around.

When I was still chair of the chamber, I had two problem children on the board. I removed them both in different ways. One of them was so passive-aggressive and destructive that I called him in for "Come To Jesus" early one morning. He came in twenty minutes late and told me he had done so on purpose. At this point, I knew there was no saving the relationship, but I tried anyway. It ended with me standing over him, calling him every name in the book, and asking him outside.To this day, no one has heard me so much as whisper his name. It was unpleasant, but we got him off the board and we moved on.

The second problem child was handled differently - I isolated her to keep her from destroying morale. She was hyper-negative but hadn't really given me grounds to dismiss her. She did less and less, showed up less and less, and eventually her term ended and I made the decision not to give her another - although she had asked for one.

The goal each time was peace. You eliminate the cancer. You turn down the noise. You take out the trash. If you can't get rid of it, tune it out. Go on about your business and ask God to grant you the peace necessary to be an effective happy person. It can go any way you want it to: you can let them decide what your day will be like or you can chart your own course. It's a no brainer. But you will never chart your own course if you let these human icebergs sink your ship. Sometimes you're going to have to go around them, sometimes you'll run into them full speed, and sometimes you'll have to wait for sunshine and time to melt them out of your way.

Whatever course of action makes sense, do not let the iceberg win. If you do, you will never have peace. And then your ship is really sunk. I know we should try to love our fellow man, but sometimes they are not ready to be loved. Those are times when you have to look out for number one, and trust that this person will find their own iceberg. We are all deserving of love, but we have to be ready to accept it or it will slide off of us unnoticed.

Lessons:

- Peace is integral to success and happiness. It is also a choice.
- Problem people are a drag. Make an honest effort to change the situation. If it doesn't work, move on. Their time will come.
- Be honest. Make sure you're not the problem.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will find inner peace by eliminating outer distractions
- I will help people find the peace I desire for myself

Finding peace is like saving money: simple but not easy. Focus on your goal. Focus on creating peace for yourself and for those around you. When your thoughts turn angry, stop your mind by saying, "cancel" or "stop." It seems silly but it works. Soon, the negative, peace-stealing thoughts will be gone for good. Simple. Not easy.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

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