Emily is about to lose her first tooth. It's one of the front bottom ones. She's so cute, I can't stand it. I spent most of the day with the girls yesterday but the tooth didn't become a problem until mommy came home. Coincidence? I doubt it.
The irony is that I am the "leave it alone" parent. I don't mess with the tooth, I let nature run its course. Abby, on the other hand, brings out the explosives, hammer, and chisel and goes after the tooth. (Slight exaggeration.) You would expect the child to talk to me about the tooth and then button up when mom gets home. It doesn't always work that way. Mom is still Mom.
In this society, where so many would like to blur the roles of mothers and fathers, or men and women, it's amazing how nature always finds a way. Dad carries the groceries in from the car, cuts the lawn, and chases lizards out of the house; Mom takes care of the babies when they don't feel well. This isn't sexism, it's reality. They come to me when they're scared, they go to mom when they don't feel well.
Emily is only five. Is it early to be losing a tooth? The same happened with Melissa so I guess not. See, these are things dads don't know. All I know is I can't stand to see my little girls unhappy, so I will let that tooth hang on in there until it says, "Enough, I quit!" and walks out on it's own. Anything to not make her cry. Man, I'm a softie.
We all have a role to play; at home, at work, in society. There is no reason to blur the lines or consider it a bad thing to be what God intended you to be. A mother is a mother, and a father is a father. As Time Magazine figured out (the morons actually put it on the cover): There is a difference between men and women. Let's embrace it.
God bless you. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Day # 205 - Oh Well
I have to work today. My kids are on vacation. Aren't they lucky? I get a kick out of how kids complain about school. I used to do the same thing and now I'd kill to be back in school with no real responsibilities except doing your homework and being cool. For the record, I was no good at either.
Christmas is coming and Santa will bring them presents. We will enjoy and laugh and take pictures and video and then we'll trip over the toys and come November we'll give them away to make room for the new donations of the future.
I am going to Key West this week; not to party, to work. A night away from home. I don't have a problem with it, but the girls will probably be upset. I'll let you know if they're not, in which case, I will be.
I need to clean my garage. What a mess.
But first, I have to move my warehouse. Before that, I should have breakfast. Emily and I played the popcorn game this morning. She came to my room and laid down next to me. We pretend the popcorn ceiling is real popcorn and add butter, salt, cheeseburgers, whipped cream and all kinds of things one would never add to popcorn. Then we "eat" it and pop another batch. It occurred to me that she will always look at popcorn ceilings a little differently because of this game we play some mornings. This makes me smile. Then again, maybe she won't remember this. No matter, I will. Oh well.
Great, now I'm sentimental.
Make it a great day. God bless you. Enjoy your popcorn moments.
- Adolfo
Christmas is coming and Santa will bring them presents. We will enjoy and laugh and take pictures and video and then we'll trip over the toys and come November we'll give them away to make room for the new donations of the future.
I am going to Key West this week; not to party, to work. A night away from home. I don't have a problem with it, but the girls will probably be upset. I'll let you know if they're not, in which case, I will be.
I need to clean my garage. What a mess.
But first, I have to move my warehouse. Before that, I should have breakfast. Emily and I played the popcorn game this morning. She came to my room and laid down next to me. We pretend the popcorn ceiling is real popcorn and add butter, salt, cheeseburgers, whipped cream and all kinds of things one would never add to popcorn. Then we "eat" it and pop another batch. It occurred to me that she will always look at popcorn ceilings a little differently because of this game we play some mornings. This makes me smile. Then again, maybe she won't remember this. No matter, I will. Oh well.
Great, now I'm sentimental.
Make it a great day. God bless you. Enjoy your popcorn moments.
- Adolfo
Monday, December 6, 2010
Day # 193 - Tales of The Traveling Cookie
My five-year old daughter, Emily, is one of those kids. She eats only what she wants, when she wants. Like most children, she can be bribed, but for the most part it's macaroni & cheese and some form of chicken nuggets. She is also not fond of breakfast, unless it's the weekend, in which case, I am sent to the store for a loaf of Cuban bread, which is served unheated and without butter. She asks for cafe con leche which she will take a couple of sips of. (For those of you not from Hialeah, cafe con leche is Cuban coffee with warm milk. It's like a cafe latte, but $2,000 cheaper.)
Last night, Abby made her outrageous chocolate chip cookies. This morning, Emily asked for one. I know, it's not appropriate breakfast food, sue me. Emily took the cookie in hand and walked all over the house, taking bites that were so small, the cookie kept its original shape. The dog eagerly followed her around, hoping for a crumb, or the whole cookie, to fall.
I am not crazy about the kids eating anywhere other than the table. It's messy, it leads to ants and other creepy-crawlies, and it's just not a good habit. I didn't give Emily too hard a time about it, but I did ask her to go to the table, which she did, only to sit there for a minute while holding the cookie in her little hand.
Parents know that most kids are picky eaters. Some, like my wife, get worked up about it. Others, like me, don't sweat it. I give my kids vitamins and they do eat non-junk foods on a regular basis. I also make sure my kids drink plenty of water. In fact, on occasions when we go to restaurants, my kids will ask for water instead of soda (most times - they're still human.)
I pick my battles because I know my children are not malnourished. I know they get everything they need. I know they are not missing anything in their lives, so I can let them have the occasional chocolate chip cookie for breakfast, or mac & cheese four times a week. Go ahead and call the department of children and families on me if you want, but the cookie stays!
Last night, Abby made her outrageous chocolate chip cookies. This morning, Emily asked for one. I know, it's not appropriate breakfast food, sue me. Emily took the cookie in hand and walked all over the house, taking bites that were so small, the cookie kept its original shape. The dog eagerly followed her around, hoping for a crumb, or the whole cookie, to fall.
I am not crazy about the kids eating anywhere other than the table. It's messy, it leads to ants and other creepy-crawlies, and it's just not a good habit. I didn't give Emily too hard a time about it, but I did ask her to go to the table, which she did, only to sit there for a minute while holding the cookie in her little hand.
Parents know that most kids are picky eaters. Some, like my wife, get worked up about it. Others, like me, don't sweat it. I give my kids vitamins and they do eat non-junk foods on a regular basis. I also make sure my kids drink plenty of water. In fact, on occasions when we go to restaurants, my kids will ask for water instead of soda (most times - they're still human.)
I pick my battles because I know my children are not malnourished. I know they get everything they need. I know they are not missing anything in their lives, so I can let them have the occasional chocolate chip cookie for breakfast, or mac & cheese four times a week. Go ahead and call the department of children and families on me if you want, but the cookie stays!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Day # 184 - Black & Blue Friday
It's officially begun: the Christmas Shopping Season. Consumerism at its worst - or best, if you're in retail. For the next month or so, we will fight traffic, and each other, to get the best deals on things we don't need for people we don't really like. That ain't Christmas, that's X-mas.
We had decided a couple of years ago to scale down Christmas if only for the sake of teaching our children some humility. Kids in general are so spoiled and I don't want mine to be that way. I want them to learn to appreciate the many blessings they have and that will never happen if Santa keeps stuffing a truckload of toys down the chimney. (Yes, as a matter of fact, we do have a chimney, and a fireplace. And no, we never use it.)
The recession helped us along in our plan, or so you would imagine, but we didn't go nearly as far as we should have. Sure we cut back on expenses like the monthly trips to Disney World, but otherwise we kept living high on a very exhausted hog. Now that things had stabilized for us, we are finally applying the lessons of the last year.
We are teaching our kids responsibility, frugality, charity, community, and humility. They need to learn these things if they are to be the people God intends them to be.
So, when you go out shopping this season, don't be afraid to scale back a little. Let the gifts you give the young people in your life be more intangible, and therefore more valuable. Give real building blocks.
God Bless You. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
We had decided a couple of years ago to scale down Christmas if only for the sake of teaching our children some humility. Kids in general are so spoiled and I don't want mine to be that way. I want them to learn to appreciate the many blessings they have and that will never happen if Santa keeps stuffing a truckload of toys down the chimney. (Yes, as a matter of fact, we do have a chimney, and a fireplace. And no, we never use it.)
The recession helped us along in our plan, or so you would imagine, but we didn't go nearly as far as we should have. Sure we cut back on expenses like the monthly trips to Disney World, but otherwise we kept living high on a very exhausted hog. Now that things had stabilized for us, we are finally applying the lessons of the last year.
We are teaching our kids responsibility, frugality, charity, community, and humility. They need to learn these things if they are to be the people God intends them to be.
So, when you go out shopping this season, don't be afraid to scale back a little. Let the gifts you give the young people in your life be more intangible, and therefore more valuable. Give real building blocks.
God Bless You. Make it a great day.
- Adolfo
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Day # 181 - Trust
My son, AJ, works with me. He has for years, but the situation is a little different now than it used to be. For the last four years, he had worked for the family business. Now, he works for the same company I work for. I recommended him for the job, knowing he would not let me down. I trust him. Although he is only 18 years old, he is one of my closest confidantes. He has a wisdom that is beyond his years and a common-sense unmatched by many adults.
AJ came to me yesterday to talk about personal matters. He was nervous and I understand that, but I have always told him that he can talk to me about anything he wants to talk about and I would listen. I never promised him I would be okay with every decision he made, but I would not explode or judge him. We talked about his concerns and I feel better about things. I feel even closer to him.
Not judging a person is not the same as accepting every choice they make. I am not saying that if your child is thief or a murderer you should be okay with it just because they are your child. I am, however, saying that if your kid is afraid to talk to you, or simply doesn't want to deal with your drama, they will not talk to you, and you won't be of any use to them whatsoever.
AJ and I spoke about his faith. I find myself getting closer to God every day and I want him to come with me. He has doubts about his faith, he gets angry at God, as so many of us do from time to time. He needed his father to reassure him that this is somewhat normal. Until our faith is cemented and our relationship with God is well-established, there will always be room for doubt, and blaming God for your ills is an easy, convenient way to absolve yourself of responsibility. I'm learning this now, I am grateful for the chance to teach this to him at this young age.
I do not advocate being your child's buddy, cool parents are usually not very effective. Discipline is crucial and should not be set aside so that your kid will like you. The important thing is to love your children as God loves you: without condition, without judgment, without limit.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
AJ came to me yesterday to talk about personal matters. He was nervous and I understand that, but I have always told him that he can talk to me about anything he wants to talk about and I would listen. I never promised him I would be okay with every decision he made, but I would not explode or judge him. We talked about his concerns and I feel better about things. I feel even closer to him.
Not judging a person is not the same as accepting every choice they make. I am not saying that if your child is thief or a murderer you should be okay with it just because they are your child. I am, however, saying that if your kid is afraid to talk to you, or simply doesn't want to deal with your drama, they will not talk to you, and you won't be of any use to them whatsoever.
AJ and I spoke about his faith. I find myself getting closer to God every day and I want him to come with me. He has doubts about his faith, he gets angry at God, as so many of us do from time to time. He needed his father to reassure him that this is somewhat normal. Until our faith is cemented and our relationship with God is well-established, there will always be room for doubt, and blaming God for your ills is an easy, convenient way to absolve yourself of responsibility. I'm learning this now, I am grateful for the chance to teach this to him at this young age.
I do not advocate being your child's buddy, cool parents are usually not very effective. Discipline is crucial and should not be set aside so that your kid will like you. The important thing is to love your children as God loves you: without condition, without judgment, without limit.
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Day # 163 - Stitches
I got a call from the school yesterday. Melissa hurt herself on the playground and the nurse felt it was serious enough that we should get her to urgent care. The nurse was right and Melissa ended up needing 5 stitches on her right knee. She was a trooper about it, only crying when the doctor injected the injured area. Who can blame her for that?
Abby joined the party, of course, and so did little Emily, who was jumping with joy when she found out her big sister was going to get shots. Once she saw her big sister getting the shots and crying, her joy evaporated and she was in tears, too. All I could do was laugh and make bad jokes - so I was normal, I guess.
Humor as a defense mechanism is nothing new. I use it all the time, in negotiations, job interviews, in arguments. I guess the situation was stressful, no one wants to see their child suffer, and some might say I should take things more seriously, but the truth is I did take this seriously. That's why my daughter was in the hands of a doctor.
Life will throw curves at us, especially those of us with kids. However, if you let these things stress you out or beat you down, they'll kill you. If you choose to laugh when others cry, you'll have better stories to tell your daughter's boyfriends one day fifty years from now when they're finally allowed to have boyfriends. What? Does that sound unreasonable? Fine. Let's make it sixty years from now. I never really understood jealousy until I became a father of daughters.
So laugh. Make the cheesy jokes and giggle yourself silly. It's a great way to deal with the destructive force that is stress. It's a wonderful release. It beats pulling your hair out or being cranky. Then, take the kid out for ice cream and get one for yourself. You will see that all is right in the world and life is beautiful.
God bless you. Now Laugh!
- Adolfo
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Abby joined the party, of course, and so did little Emily, who was jumping with joy when she found out her big sister was going to get shots. Once she saw her big sister getting the shots and crying, her joy evaporated and she was in tears, too. All I could do was laugh and make bad jokes - so I was normal, I guess.
Humor as a defense mechanism is nothing new. I use it all the time, in negotiations, job interviews, in arguments. I guess the situation was stressful, no one wants to see their child suffer, and some might say I should take things more seriously, but the truth is I did take this seriously. That's why my daughter was in the hands of a doctor.
Life will throw curves at us, especially those of us with kids. However, if you let these things stress you out or beat you down, they'll kill you. If you choose to laugh when others cry, you'll have better stories to tell your daughter's boyfriends one day fifty years from now when they're finally allowed to have boyfriends. What? Does that sound unreasonable? Fine. Let's make it sixty years from now. I never really understood jealousy until I became a father of daughters.
So laugh. Make the cheesy jokes and giggle yourself silly. It's a great way to deal with the destructive force that is stress. It's a wonderful release. It beats pulling your hair out or being cranky. Then, take the kid out for ice cream and get one for yourself. You will see that all is right in the world and life is beautiful.
God bless you. Now Laugh!
- Adolfo
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http://www.cakewhimsybyabdaliz.com
http://www.honeybeepartyrental.com
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Monday, October 11, 2010
Day # 137 - Boys Will Be Jerks
Yesterday was my daughter's birthday. We ended the day at the park. There we other kids there. Abby and I walked the track adjacent to the playground while the girls played. At one point Melissa comes over and tells us that there is a boy messing with her, calling her names, etc. His mother is within earshot. We're not, so we decide to sit down near the playground.
Soon enough, Melissa and the little boy are wrestling. We break it up. The boy was actually physically attacking my daughter. The mother tells him to apologize and he refuses. We leave. Melissa is very upset, crying, and we spend the next hour trying to get her to understand why the little twerp wasn't worth the aggravation.
What aggravated me was his mother. If I ever caught one of my sons hitting a girl, I would have gone to jail for whipping the kid to within inches of his life. No way would I permit that. It leaves me with questions like, where did he learn that it's okay for a boy to hit a girl? When is it okay to disobey your mother? After all, she told him to apologize and he flatly refused.
I was never one to hit my kids, but if that had been my son, he'd be out there right now with a flashlight looking for his teeth.
Part of me wanted to laugh and I wasn't rude about it, I just took my daughters home. It was getting late and today being a school day, they needed to shower and get to bed. The truth is, part of me wanted to let her sucker-punch the little snot. Put him on his hindquarters and traumatize him real good.
But, what does it solve? I can't use my children to discipline other people's kids, but that kid better watch his but.
If you are a parent of boys, teach them to be gentlemen. The things we are allowed to get away with as kids are the things we will expect to get away with as adults. If there are no consequences for a boy hitting a girl, why should that boy expect consequences when he becomes a man and he strikes a woman?
This doesn't just apply to domestic violence, but to all behaviors. We let our kids eat whatever they want, then we lose it when they're fat or won't eat their vegetables. We let them stay up late and yell when they don't wake up for school. We curse in front of them and wonder where the gutter language comes from. I have witnessed the cycles of ignorance and poverty perpetuate themselves my whole life. I have seen people who have nothing want the same for their kids. People who made the wrong choices in life refusing to accept responsibility for their choices by telling their kids that it's because of their race, ethnicity, gender, or social status, and telling their kids they can expect the same. What greater sin is there than to condemn your children to repeat your mistakes?
By not disciplining her child, the woman at the park was planting a strangler vine in the garden of his life. By allowing him to bully a girl, she is teaching him that this is the way to get a woman to fall in line. The punishment should have been harsh and severe. Not because it was my little girl, but because twenty years from now, it will be someone else's little girl.
Spare the rod, spoil the child. Oh well, better theirs than mine,
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
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Soon enough, Melissa and the little boy are wrestling. We break it up. The boy was actually physically attacking my daughter. The mother tells him to apologize and he refuses. We leave. Melissa is very upset, crying, and we spend the next hour trying to get her to understand why the little twerp wasn't worth the aggravation.
What aggravated me was his mother. If I ever caught one of my sons hitting a girl, I would have gone to jail for whipping the kid to within inches of his life. No way would I permit that. It leaves me with questions like, where did he learn that it's okay for a boy to hit a girl? When is it okay to disobey your mother? After all, she told him to apologize and he flatly refused.
I was never one to hit my kids, but if that had been my son, he'd be out there right now with a flashlight looking for his teeth.
Part of me wanted to laugh and I wasn't rude about it, I just took my daughters home. It was getting late and today being a school day, they needed to shower and get to bed. The truth is, part of me wanted to let her sucker-punch the little snot. Put him on his hindquarters and traumatize him real good.
But, what does it solve? I can't use my children to discipline other people's kids, but that kid better watch his but.
If you are a parent of boys, teach them to be gentlemen. The things we are allowed to get away with as kids are the things we will expect to get away with as adults. If there are no consequences for a boy hitting a girl, why should that boy expect consequences when he becomes a man and he strikes a woman?
This doesn't just apply to domestic violence, but to all behaviors. We let our kids eat whatever they want, then we lose it when they're fat or won't eat their vegetables. We let them stay up late and yell when they don't wake up for school. We curse in front of them and wonder where the gutter language comes from. I have witnessed the cycles of ignorance and poverty perpetuate themselves my whole life. I have seen people who have nothing want the same for their kids. People who made the wrong choices in life refusing to accept responsibility for their choices by telling their kids that it's because of their race, ethnicity, gender, or social status, and telling their kids they can expect the same. What greater sin is there than to condemn your children to repeat your mistakes?
By not disciplining her child, the woman at the park was planting a strangler vine in the garden of his life. By allowing him to bully a girl, she is teaching him that this is the way to get a woman to fall in line. The punishment should have been harsh and severe. Not because it was my little girl, but because twenty years from now, it will be someone else's little girl.
Spare the rod, spoil the child. Oh well, better theirs than mine,
God bless you. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
http://www.cakewhimsybyabdaliz.com
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http://www.facebook.com/adolfojimenez1
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Thursday, September 2, 2010
Day # 98 - Happy Birthday Steven
My son Steven is 20 years old today. He is now older than I was on the day he was born. I think of him all the time, as I do with all my kids. But he was the first. There is something special that comes with that and sometimes I think he may have been robbed of that. It's not that he was undeserving, it's that I was too young.
Kids are in such a hurry to grow up. (I know I just made the quantum leap into my golden years by writing those words down, but it's true.) I was in a hurry to grow up and as a result, I was forced into it long before I was ready for it. The result is that my son didn't have as much a father as a big brother.
Do I feel a little guilty? Yes. But I don't live in the past. I see my boy now, making strides, getting his life in order and moving forward and it reminds me of myself. I was so busy growing up that I never bothered to mature. It's taken my 39 years to reach adolescence. It's great to be here, by the way.
If you have kids, remind them to be kids. Help them understand that their life will never be as perfect as it is during their youth. Growing up sucks. I recommend avoiding it for as long as possible. Live at home until you're 70 and throw your parents out of the house.
Seriously, one of the most important jobs we have as parents is to make sure our kids live one day at a time, while always keeping an eye toward the future. Education, good money habits, staying healthy, and worldliness are all important, but giving up your youth to be a mediocre parent is a great way to ruin three lives.
So, happy birthday, Steven. I love you and wish I could have been the father you deserved. I'll try to be from now on.
- Adolfo
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Kids are in such a hurry to grow up. (I know I just made the quantum leap into my golden years by writing those words down, but it's true.) I was in a hurry to grow up and as a result, I was forced into it long before I was ready for it. The result is that my son didn't have as much a father as a big brother.
Do I feel a little guilty? Yes. But I don't live in the past. I see my boy now, making strides, getting his life in order and moving forward and it reminds me of myself. I was so busy growing up that I never bothered to mature. It's taken my 39 years to reach adolescence. It's great to be here, by the way.
If you have kids, remind them to be kids. Help them understand that their life will never be as perfect as it is during their youth. Growing up sucks. I recommend avoiding it for as long as possible. Live at home until you're 70 and throw your parents out of the house.
Seriously, one of the most important jobs we have as parents is to make sure our kids live one day at a time, while always keeping an eye toward the future. Education, good money habits, staying healthy, and worldliness are all important, but giving up your youth to be a mediocre parent is a great way to ruin three lives.
So, happy birthday, Steven. I love you and wish I could have been the father you deserved. I'll try to be from now on.
- Adolfo
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Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day # 89 - The 40-Hour Work Weak!
There are no perfect situations. Each situation, good or bad, is what you make of it. You decide whether it's a good day or a bad day. You decide if that email from your boss will ruin your evening or your weekend or even part of your vacation. We live in the 24-hour world so it's easy for work and its aggravations to follow you home. You need to decide whether that's acceptable or not.
I work practically around the clock. I sleep around six hours and will start the morning by checking emails, which is how I end my day. I have been up since five this morning (it's now 5:27) and here I am writing my blog, which is work. I will make and take a few calls after dropping off the kids this morning. In fact, I have a collection call to make. It shouldn't be unpleasant, but it's never fun to ask for money, even if it is owed to you.
But let's be honest: no one ever built a successful career or business working forty hours per week. As Brian Tracy said, "The forty hour work-week is the worst bill of goods ever sold to the American people." He's right. While I believe in work-life balance, I believe that if you want to have more, you have to do more. 40 is the number of survival.
I have a full-time plus job (about 60 hours including work done at home via Crackberry and laptop) I own a business, which takes little time, a few hours a week. I write this blog, and I serve on a couple of community boards. I also find time to network. I also read about a book a week. How can I achieve work-life balance? Simple:
I choose what my life should be. I don't watch television anymore. I disconnected the cable. I should have done it years ago. I don't miss it. My kids are more active and less sarcastic because they're not trying to make the same wise remarks I-Carly or Hannah Montana pass off as humor. I also limit my social activities, trying to do as many of them as possible during work hours. I rarely go out for a drink (once or twice a year - yes, year.) I don't have a regular poker game I attend. I don't spend my Sundays glued to the television watching football. I do watch the Dolphins and some times a couple more games, but I don't obsess about it. And now that I don't have cable, that' probably over. I don't sleep in and I don't demand me time. I make "me" time. I do it by waking up 90 minutes before anyone else in the house.
How to achieve work-life balance:
- Prioritize: Eliminate what really doesn't matter, like TV.
- Schedule: There is a time for work and a time for family- if you make it so.
- Live in the Now!: When you are at work, work. When you are at play, play. You'll get more work done, and you'll get more joy out of the time spent with family and friends.
The truth is, I only know what works for me. I am done with my morning work and I still have about 30 minutes to myself before the morning insanity starts. I'll drop off the kids, go get a quick workout, and get to work. When I am at work, I will focus on work. Then I'm going to get a haircut. I really need one.
God bless you and make it a great day.
- Adolfo
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I work practically around the clock. I sleep around six hours and will start the morning by checking emails, which is how I end my day. I have been up since five this morning (it's now 5:27) and here I am writing my blog, which is work. I will make and take a few calls after dropping off the kids this morning. In fact, I have a collection call to make. It shouldn't be unpleasant, but it's never fun to ask for money, even if it is owed to you.
But let's be honest: no one ever built a successful career or business working forty hours per week. As Brian Tracy said, "The forty hour work-week is the worst bill of goods ever sold to the American people." He's right. While I believe in work-life balance, I believe that if you want to have more, you have to do more. 40 is the number of survival.
I have a full-time plus job (about 60 hours including work done at home via Crackberry and laptop) I own a business, which takes little time, a few hours a week. I write this blog, and I serve on a couple of community boards. I also find time to network. I also read about a book a week. How can I achieve work-life balance? Simple:
I choose what my life should be. I don't watch television anymore. I disconnected the cable. I should have done it years ago. I don't miss it. My kids are more active and less sarcastic because they're not trying to make the same wise remarks I-Carly or Hannah Montana pass off as humor. I also limit my social activities, trying to do as many of them as possible during work hours. I rarely go out for a drink (once or twice a year - yes, year.) I don't have a regular poker game I attend. I don't spend my Sundays glued to the television watching football. I do watch the Dolphins and some times a couple more games, but I don't obsess about it. And now that I don't have cable, that' probably over. I don't sleep in and I don't demand me time. I make "me" time. I do it by waking up 90 minutes before anyone else in the house.
How to achieve work-life balance:
- Prioritize: Eliminate what really doesn't matter, like TV.
- Schedule: There is a time for work and a time for family- if you make it so.
- Live in the Now!: When you are at work, work. When you are at play, play. You'll get more work done, and you'll get more joy out of the time spent with family and friends.
The truth is, I only know what works for me. I am done with my morning work and I still have about 30 minutes to myself before the morning insanity starts. I'll drop off the kids, go get a quick workout, and get to work. When I am at work, I will focus on work. Then I'm going to get a haircut. I really need one.
God bless you and make it a great day.
- Adolfo
http://www.honeybeepartyrental.com
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Sunday, August 22, 2010
Day # 87 - Being here
We're in the pool at the Y. Emily is floating on her back. She's a little nervous and wants to be able to feel me near her as she lays there with her eyes closed. She ask me not to leave her alone. I wouldn't dream of leaving her alone, and all I can think to say is, "Daddy's here."
At the end of the pool, there's a man who came with his kids. His kids are roughhousing and the lifeguard keeps blowing her whistle at them. The "father" is on the phone, oblivious to his kids.
I understand the importance of work. I know sometimes you have to take calls at inconvenient times, but what could be more important than your kids and what time could be more inconvenient to take a phone call than the little time spent with them? Had he any intention of being "there" he would not have had his phone. It would have been in his gym bag or hidden under his shirt. Frankly, I would have preferred for his furry back to be hidden under his shirt, but that's a whole other column.
The simple words I told my daughter, "Daddy's here," meant the world to her. She knew she was safe. She knew there was someone nearby who loves her more than anyone else loves her and that no matter what, she was going to be protected. I started thinking about how many kids never hear those words. I think about how many kids barely know their fathers and how many have never met their fathers. What poor excuse for a man could live with himself under those circumstances?
Any man can take a woman to bed. It's the easiest thing in the world. You don't even have to do it well to create a child. It requires no license or screening. It requires nothing but a willingness to engage in pleasurable behavior. Gee, tall order.
Our society has almost made fathers irrelevant. I remember when I was a single dad and people would see me with my sons. The would tell me how great it was that I was there for my kids. My answer was always, "Where else would I be if not there for my children?" It was always my feeling that I didn't deserve praise for being a father any more than an employee deserves praise for showing up to work. I do, however, believe that deadbeat dads should be humiliated. I believe their faces should be plastered on billboards across America. It's not a privacy issue. When a man fails to be a man, we pick up the tab in the form of welfare, food stamps, W.I.C. and the like. When that kid ends up in jail, and he is more likely to end up in jail, we are the victims of his crimes and we get to pay the bill for his housing and sustenance.
The point of this is that something as simple as being there can make all the difference in the world. Sure, a man must deal with his financial obligations to his kids, but being a father is priceless and the returns are astronomical. While there are exceptions, Barack Obama being the most notable, most kids who grow up without a father don't make it out of high school, much less through Harvard.
The lesson today is that kids need fathers. While it's become fashionable to be a single mother, there is no doubt that a kid is better with two parents. Fathers are the model for the man their sons will become and the man their daughters will marry. Don't you want that person to be a man of honor?
God bless you and may you be a blessing to your children. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
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At the end of the pool, there's a man who came with his kids. His kids are roughhousing and the lifeguard keeps blowing her whistle at them. The "father" is on the phone, oblivious to his kids.
I understand the importance of work. I know sometimes you have to take calls at inconvenient times, but what could be more important than your kids and what time could be more inconvenient to take a phone call than the little time spent with them? Had he any intention of being "there" he would not have had his phone. It would have been in his gym bag or hidden under his shirt. Frankly, I would have preferred for his furry back to be hidden under his shirt, but that's a whole other column.
The simple words I told my daughter, "Daddy's here," meant the world to her. She knew she was safe. She knew there was someone nearby who loves her more than anyone else loves her and that no matter what, she was going to be protected. I started thinking about how many kids never hear those words. I think about how many kids barely know their fathers and how many have never met their fathers. What poor excuse for a man could live with himself under those circumstances?
Any man can take a woman to bed. It's the easiest thing in the world. You don't even have to do it well to create a child. It requires no license or screening. It requires nothing but a willingness to engage in pleasurable behavior. Gee, tall order.
Our society has almost made fathers irrelevant. I remember when I was a single dad and people would see me with my sons. The would tell me how great it was that I was there for my kids. My answer was always, "Where else would I be if not there for my children?" It was always my feeling that I didn't deserve praise for being a father any more than an employee deserves praise for showing up to work. I do, however, believe that deadbeat dads should be humiliated. I believe their faces should be plastered on billboards across America. It's not a privacy issue. When a man fails to be a man, we pick up the tab in the form of welfare, food stamps, W.I.C. and the like. When that kid ends up in jail, and he is more likely to end up in jail, we are the victims of his crimes and we get to pay the bill for his housing and sustenance.
The point of this is that something as simple as being there can make all the difference in the world. Sure, a man must deal with his financial obligations to his kids, but being a father is priceless and the returns are astronomical. While there are exceptions, Barack Obama being the most notable, most kids who grow up without a father don't make it out of high school, much less through Harvard.
The lesson today is that kids need fathers. While it's become fashionable to be a single mother, there is no doubt that a kid is better with two parents. Fathers are the model for the man their sons will become and the man their daughters will marry. Don't you want that person to be a man of honor?
God bless you and may you be a blessing to your children. Make it your best day yet.
- Adolfo
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Friday, August 20, 2010
Day # 85 - Good night
Today will be my daughters' third day of school. In an hour we will will be hustling and bustling and getting breakfast and brushing a lot of hair and finding socks. Why is it always so hard to find socks? I mean, we buy them by the half-dozen and three days later... not a sock to be found within a thousand miles.
I always sit with them for a few minutes at bedtime to remind them to say their prayers and to think happy thoughts and dream big dreams for the following day. I didn't always do this. This is a recently learned behavior. I talk to them about things going on in my life and ask them to pray for me and for their mommy. They pray for their brothers and for the kids in Haiti. They pray for their classmates, even the ones they don't get along with, they pray for our country and our soldiers.
Whether you believe in God or not, the power of prayer is undeniable. There is no doubt left that positive thoughts, sent forth into the universe, will have a positive effect. It's been proven in medical studies, where groups of people have prayed for patients on the other side of the world without the knowledge of the patient. The person being prayed for had a faster rate of healing than the person not being prayed for. It's amusing that in such an illogical world, we dismiss this because it's not scientifically provable. That doesn't stop the global warming crowd.
Positive self-talk is an important ingredient in personal development and success. In fact, if you don't think well of yourself, you can never do your best. Prayer is the ultimate self-talk. When you pray, you are talking to your source, to the Creator of the universe. When you get Him on your side, you've got a top-notch corner man.
Each night, and throughout the day, I remind my children that they are great, that there are no limits on what they can accomplish. Last night, Melissa told me school is hard. I told her:
"School is not hard. A billion kids have done it. Imagine being the first person to jump out of an airplane. Imagine being the first person to fly in an airplane. Imagine being the President. Those things are hard, and you're smarter than any of the people who have done those things. You have more smarts in your little toe, than Einstein had in his whole brain."
If I had agreed with her, and told her that she was right, that school is hard, I would have given her an out. I would have failed as a father and as the leader of my family. This is why words must be chosen carefully and there is no such thing as exaggeration when it comes to praising your kids.
Today's Lesson:
- It's easier to praise than to criticize. Both are powerful. When you criticize your child, you are tying their hands and capping their potential. This is not to say you shouldn't scold or punish, but let the first and last words they hear every day be overwhelmingly positive.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will build up my children and the people around me. I will never use my words to destroy.
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I always sit with them for a few minutes at bedtime to remind them to say their prayers and to think happy thoughts and dream big dreams for the following day. I didn't always do this. This is a recently learned behavior. I talk to them about things going on in my life and ask them to pray for me and for their mommy. They pray for their brothers and for the kids in Haiti. They pray for their classmates, even the ones they don't get along with, they pray for our country and our soldiers.
Whether you believe in God or not, the power of prayer is undeniable. There is no doubt left that positive thoughts, sent forth into the universe, will have a positive effect. It's been proven in medical studies, where groups of people have prayed for patients on the other side of the world without the knowledge of the patient. The person being prayed for had a faster rate of healing than the person not being prayed for. It's amusing that in such an illogical world, we dismiss this because it's not scientifically provable. That doesn't stop the global warming crowd.
Positive self-talk is an important ingredient in personal development and success. In fact, if you don't think well of yourself, you can never do your best. Prayer is the ultimate self-talk. When you pray, you are talking to your source, to the Creator of the universe. When you get Him on your side, you've got a top-notch corner man.
Each night, and throughout the day, I remind my children that they are great, that there are no limits on what they can accomplish. Last night, Melissa told me school is hard. I told her:
"School is not hard. A billion kids have done it. Imagine being the first person to jump out of an airplane. Imagine being the first person to fly in an airplane. Imagine being the President. Those things are hard, and you're smarter than any of the people who have done those things. You have more smarts in your little toe, than Einstein had in his whole brain."
If I had agreed with her, and told her that she was right, that school is hard, I would have given her an out. I would have failed as a father and as the leader of my family. This is why words must be chosen carefully and there is no such thing as exaggeration when it comes to praising your kids.
Today's Lesson:
- It's easier to praise than to criticize. Both are powerful. When you criticize your child, you are tying their hands and capping their potential. This is not to say you shouldn't scold or punish, but let the first and last words they hear every day be overwhelmingly positive.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will build up my children and the people around me. I will never use my words to destroy.
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Thursday, July 22, 2010
Day # 57 - Perspective
I was sitting there and when I heard it, I knew it had to be an exaggeration. A figure of speech. No way he could be dead. We walked to where his room was to check. People were standing around the door, looking at one another. No one was saying much of anything. One person was already on the phone, presumably talking to 911.
I asked the first thing that came to mind: whether anyone had checked his pulse. No one had. I went inside to do it and there he was on the floor, face down, at peace. I couldn't bring myself to touch him, but I already knew why no one else had.
And in that moment, something in me changed.
It was my birthday, a day I call inventory day. I look back at the 365 days since my last birthday and I measure my progress. The improvement isn't always that impressive. But that moment, looking at this man, changed everything. That evening, as I sat there, having dinner, I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop thinking about how some of us will have lives that will be celebrated, chronicled, and written about, while some of us barely register a blip. His name was Vincent. I barely knew him. It was the first time I have ever seen something like this. I can't speak for anyone else, but with me, he registered much more than a blip. Vincent was my catalyst. I found out he hadn't spoken to his father for over 35 years. Knowing that he never will makes me hurt all over. There is no tomorrow and we've spent all our yesterdays. All we have is the now. The here.
As bad as I felt for Vincent, my heart is breaking, shattering, for his father. Vincent has moved on but his father is left only with regret and the 35 year old memory of a son whom he will never see again. I'm left to wonder: how did it get to that? How do we let things get so out of hand. I think of my own son, my oldest boy Steven, and I see that it can happen. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, all that matters is that today is all there is. Steven and I are so much alike that it seems we will never get along. We rarely talk without it breaking down into a fight. I can't change him, but I am changing me. I miss my boy and I want to be a bigger part of his life. I have added a new goal.
Last night, as I lay in bed, all I could think was that Vincent's death meant more than it seemed. How he died wasn't the point. The cause, the place, none of it mattered. That I happened to be there, that it happened on my birthday, that I went in there with the intention of taking his pulse and couldn't bring myself to touch him, that the casual attitude of some of the people around me offended me so deeply it nearly brought me to tears, that the tears finally found their way out; all this tells me it meant more than just something that may or may not make the news; something that may or may not matter to a world that is so big and moving so fast that human beings don't have the time to be human beings.
Vincent's life mattered. It matters. It matters to me. It has changed everything. A little bit of whatever good I do during my remaining time on this planet will belong to Vincent Clingerman. This is his legacy.
Today's Lessons:
- If you love someone, do not set them free. All that other stuff is nonsense.
- Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Do it now. There is no later. Later is an abstraction.
- Make your life count. Use your life to improve the world. Start with yourself and let it grow.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will make my life count.
- I will add value to my life by adding value to the lives of others.
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I asked the first thing that came to mind: whether anyone had checked his pulse. No one had. I went inside to do it and there he was on the floor, face down, at peace. I couldn't bring myself to touch him, but I already knew why no one else had.
And in that moment, something in me changed.
It was my birthday, a day I call inventory day. I look back at the 365 days since my last birthday and I measure my progress. The improvement isn't always that impressive. But that moment, looking at this man, changed everything. That evening, as I sat there, having dinner, I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop thinking about how some of us will have lives that will be celebrated, chronicled, and written about, while some of us barely register a blip. His name was Vincent. I barely knew him. It was the first time I have ever seen something like this. I can't speak for anyone else, but with me, he registered much more than a blip. Vincent was my catalyst. I found out he hadn't spoken to his father for over 35 years. Knowing that he never will makes me hurt all over. There is no tomorrow and we've spent all our yesterdays. All we have is the now. The here.
As bad as I felt for Vincent, my heart is breaking, shattering, for his father. Vincent has moved on but his father is left only with regret and the 35 year old memory of a son whom he will never see again. I'm left to wonder: how did it get to that? How do we let things get so out of hand. I think of my own son, my oldest boy Steven, and I see that it can happen. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, all that matters is that today is all there is. Steven and I are so much alike that it seems we will never get along. We rarely talk without it breaking down into a fight. I can't change him, but I am changing me. I miss my boy and I want to be a bigger part of his life. I have added a new goal.
Last night, as I lay in bed, all I could think was that Vincent's death meant more than it seemed. How he died wasn't the point. The cause, the place, none of it mattered. That I happened to be there, that it happened on my birthday, that I went in there with the intention of taking his pulse and couldn't bring myself to touch him, that the casual attitude of some of the people around me offended me so deeply it nearly brought me to tears, that the tears finally found their way out; all this tells me it meant more than just something that may or may not make the news; something that may or may not matter to a world that is so big and moving so fast that human beings don't have the time to be human beings.
Vincent's life mattered. It matters. It matters to me. It has changed everything. A little bit of whatever good I do during my remaining time on this planet will belong to Vincent Clingerman. This is his legacy.
Today's Lessons:
- If you love someone, do not set them free. All that other stuff is nonsense.
- Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Do it now. There is no later. Later is an abstraction.
- Make your life count. Use your life to improve the world. Start with yourself and let it grow.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will make my life count.
- I will add value to my life by adding value to the lives of others.
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Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day # 55 - Contagion II
I am out of shape. Have been for a long time. It's not that I'm a slob. I'm not one of those people who can't walk up a flight of steps or throw a Frisbee without dropping to the ground; I'm just heavier than I should be. It's contagious, too. Of the six of us, (my wife, four kids, me) three of us are overweight. I have been preaching to my wife about this for the longest time and I have been an Oprah about it for years. (By Oprah, I mean I would gain and lose and regain weight constantly.) I always felt I needed Abby's support. I didn't want there to be soda or cookies in the house, but they would always find their way here.
*Funny thing about me. I will not go to the grocery store to buy these things, but if they are in my house, I devour them without mercy. I can tear through an entire box of cookies - or at least I used to. I have learned will power over the last 55 days and I get stronger every day.
So what began with me giving up caffeine led to me committing to losing 30 pounds by the end of my 365 days. I also decided to take the bull by the horns where my daughter is concerned, offering her incentives to drink less soda and drink more water. I also promised my wife that if certain items appeared in the house, specifically soft drinks, I would pour them down the sink. I proved my seriousness.
I didn't try to influence her, I just told her that I was determined and expected her support. A funny thing happened on the way to my goal. She started noticing the changes in me and teamed up with a co-worker who is very health conscious and now she's lecturing me the way I have lectured her for ten years.
Seeing how committed I was started something in her. Her co-worker was the catalyst. Now we are working on the same goal together. We went for a walk last night. Not a stroll, but a brisk walk. I was thrilled at her determination and I know this is the beginning of a lasting improvement to our lives.
For years, I didn't do what I knew I had to do because I wanted Abby to come with me. When I began this project, I decided to take this additional step on my own. I wasn't thinking about whether she would follow me or not. I just knew I had to do what I had to do. So I did it. And my actions were more effective than all the begging, pleading, reasoning and goading of the last decade.
Of course, we all know that leadership is something done by example. I want to make the best things happen for my family. This is the first step of many.
Today's Lessons:
- Don't talk about what you want others to do, show them what you want done.
- Leadership is more about action than words.
- "Do as I say, not as I do," is hypocrisy at its worst.
- When trying to convince someone of the benefits of a specific course of action, take the course yourself and let them follow at their own pace.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will always work at improving myself, knowing I am bringing the people I love along for the ride
- I am a leader of my business, my community and of my family.
I feel great this morning. Tonight will be another power walk or YMCA or the park. I think we finally got on the mountain. Now we have to climb it. Keep us in your prayers, you are in mine.
Make it your best day yet. God bless you.
-Adolfo
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*Funny thing about me. I will not go to the grocery store to buy these things, but if they are in my house, I devour them without mercy. I can tear through an entire box of cookies - or at least I used to. I have learned will power over the last 55 days and I get stronger every day.
So what began with me giving up caffeine led to me committing to losing 30 pounds by the end of my 365 days. I also decided to take the bull by the horns where my daughter is concerned, offering her incentives to drink less soda and drink more water. I also promised my wife that if certain items appeared in the house, specifically soft drinks, I would pour them down the sink. I proved my seriousness.
I didn't try to influence her, I just told her that I was determined and expected her support. A funny thing happened on the way to my goal. She started noticing the changes in me and teamed up with a co-worker who is very health conscious and now she's lecturing me the way I have lectured her for ten years.
Seeing how committed I was started something in her. Her co-worker was the catalyst. Now we are working on the same goal together. We went for a walk last night. Not a stroll, but a brisk walk. I was thrilled at her determination and I know this is the beginning of a lasting improvement to our lives.
For years, I didn't do what I knew I had to do because I wanted Abby to come with me. When I began this project, I decided to take this additional step on my own. I wasn't thinking about whether she would follow me or not. I just knew I had to do what I had to do. So I did it. And my actions were more effective than all the begging, pleading, reasoning and goading of the last decade.
Of course, we all know that leadership is something done by example. I want to make the best things happen for my family. This is the first step of many.
Today's Lessons:
- Don't talk about what you want others to do, show them what you want done.
- Leadership is more about action than words.
- "Do as I say, not as I do," is hypocrisy at its worst.
- When trying to convince someone of the benefits of a specific course of action, take the course yourself and let them follow at their own pace.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will always work at improving myself, knowing I am bringing the people I love along for the ride
- I am a leader of my business, my community and of my family.
I feel great this morning. Tonight will be another power walk or YMCA or the park. I think we finally got on the mountain. Now we have to climb it. Keep us in your prayers, you are in mine.
Make it your best day yet. God bless you.
-Adolfo
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Sunday, July 11, 2010
Day # 45 - Stick to the plan.
I told my kids that any time I heard them say, "I can't" they would owe me ten jumping jacks. They both had to pay up publicly last night. I told them I would do it and to not stick to my plan would send so many wrong messages. I want them to know that when their father says something he means it. I want them to know that the words, "I can't" are dirty words, profane words, like the "F" word - destructive, negative and unnecessary. Just as profanity is the language of the ignorant, negative talk is the language of losers. My kids will not be losers and will not speak the loser's language.
My hotel hosted a breakfast for a large group of business and community leaders Friday. I saw many familiar faces and some new ones. It was nice. I had allowed myself to feel like a bit of an outcast after losing my job back in November and I realize I had no reason to. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Yesterday, I was called in to handle a few situations and left home without my phone. I don't like to be electronically stranded, but it's liberating in a way. I had to run to the FedEx store, where I ran into one of my old bank customers, who greeted me warmly and asked for my contact information. We will be working on some things together in the near future. Stopped by another store in my journey and ran into another one of my bank customers who also greeted me warmly. Went to dinner last night and saw yet another person from the past, a HoneyBee customer, who had a big smile and kind words for me. I was also asked by two separate companies if I would be interested in coming to work for them. I am flattered, but I started something and I intend to stick to it.
I received an e-mail from someone who told me I am a bit of a legend around town and that I have a reputation for being good person. I have to admit, my eyes got a little wet at that one. I have made so many mistakes in my life and for so long I feared that was all anyone would remember me for. People want to believe in your goodness and in your ability. Sure, there are people out there who will never like you no matter what you do. Accept it, write it off as their loss, not yours, and move on to the happy people.
My plan is to succeed at everything I do. Friday was a big step in that direction. I am sticking to my plan.
Lessons:
- Make plans. Don't obsess about them, but make them and stick to them, adjusting as necessary.
- Your reputation matters.
- Don't presume to know what other people think of you. Endeavor to influence how people think of you.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way, I am getting better and better.
- I have favor in the eyes of the people I meet.
- People see me for who I am.
Take care of your relationships. Stick to your plans. Don't just stop and smell the roses, say hello to the gardener, too.
Make it your best day yet. God bless you.
- Adolfo
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My hotel hosted a breakfast for a large group of business and community leaders Friday. I saw many familiar faces and some new ones. It was nice. I had allowed myself to feel like a bit of an outcast after losing my job back in November and I realize I had no reason to. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Yesterday, I was called in to handle a few situations and left home without my phone. I don't like to be electronically stranded, but it's liberating in a way. I had to run to the FedEx store, where I ran into one of my old bank customers, who greeted me warmly and asked for my contact information. We will be working on some things together in the near future. Stopped by another store in my journey and ran into another one of my bank customers who also greeted me warmly. Went to dinner last night and saw yet another person from the past, a HoneyBee customer, who had a big smile and kind words for me. I was also asked by two separate companies if I would be interested in coming to work for them. I am flattered, but I started something and I intend to stick to it.
I received an e-mail from someone who told me I am a bit of a legend around town and that I have a reputation for being good person. I have to admit, my eyes got a little wet at that one. I have made so many mistakes in my life and for so long I feared that was all anyone would remember me for. People want to believe in your goodness and in your ability. Sure, there are people out there who will never like you no matter what you do. Accept it, write it off as their loss, not yours, and move on to the happy people.
My plan is to succeed at everything I do. Friday was a big step in that direction. I am sticking to my plan.
Lessons:
- Make plans. Don't obsess about them, but make them and stick to them, adjusting as necessary.
- Your reputation matters.
- Don't presume to know what other people think of you. Endeavor to influence how people think of you.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way, I am getting better and better.
- I have favor in the eyes of the people I meet.
- People see me for who I am.
Take care of your relationships. Stick to your plans. Don't just stop and smell the roses, say hello to the gardener, too.
Make it your best day yet. God bless you.
- Adolfo
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Thursday, July 8, 2010
Day # 42 - Words of encouragement
Have you ever gone bowling with a five-year old? It's an experience. The ball rolls tortoise-like down the lane at (literally) two miles per hour. It sometimes lands so gently that the conveyor can't pick it up so you need to jam another down the lane in the hopes of moving the other one. Spotty success rate there.
So there I am with my little girl. She weighs around forty pounds. The lightest ball weighs six. It's the equivalent of someone my size rolling a Volkswagen down the lane in an effort to knock over the Rocky Mountains - at least in her mind. I kneel next to her and tell her: "Send it right down the middle. I believe in you. I know you can do it." She throws a strike. Just like that, I have made my child believe in herself. Just like that, I have boosted her self-esteem.
I boost her not by celebrating her failures, which she will have, which we all have, I boost her by reminding her that she is capable and that I am her biggest fan. When I say celebrating her failure, I am referring to outcome-based education, where no one fails a class, sports leagues where no one loses and score is not kept, and schools where kids are not corrected in order to not damage their fragile little egos.
Talk about setting someone up for failure. This does not resemble the real world in the least.
My little girl loves to eat. I don't know where she puts it. She is tiny. She convinced my wife to buy her some chicken fingers and once the food arrived, she stopped focusing on the game. When her turn came she would drop the ball and walk away. Daddy reprimanded her. I told her that her chicken wouldn't fly away and that she needed to live in the moment. She did it again and I told her I was disappointed in her behavior. Once she focused and did her best, she was praised.
I know it feels good to praise your kids. I know it feels good to be praised. It feels better when it is actually earned. Hollow compliments are destructive. Kids know when they've done a good job and they know when they've failed. When you praise laziness or mediocrity you send the wrong message. After all, if you get a pat on the back for no effort,why bother putting any effort at all?
It's a sin to not strive to reach your God-given potential. It's a greater sin to prevent others from doing so. It's okay to tell your kids or your teammates or your staff when they have failed at something. It's okay to set high expectations. It's not okay to make excuses. It's not okay to fail. It's not okay to celebrate failure or lack of effort.
One last thing: I stole an idea from Art Williams, former college football coach and motivational speaker. When I hear my kids say, "I can't," they have to drop and give me three push ups. If not three push ups, ten jumping jacks. I'm hearing those words a lot less these days. Go ahead and call Family Protective Services on me.
Lessons:
- People, especially children, will rise to your expectations. Do them a favor and set them high.
- You don't do anyone any favors by being too soft on them.
- Failure is to be hated, not celebrated.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will encourage effort and success. I will never celebrate mediocrity
- I will set high expectations, knowing those around me can exceed them
Our parents made mistakes and we have made mistakes. It's part of being human. Learn from them, don't repeat them, and move on. It is our goal to make everyone around us better. As they rise, so shall we.
Make it your best day yet! God bless you.
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So there I am with my little girl. She weighs around forty pounds. The lightest ball weighs six. It's the equivalent of someone my size rolling a Volkswagen down the lane in an effort to knock over the Rocky Mountains - at least in her mind. I kneel next to her and tell her: "Send it right down the middle. I believe in you. I know you can do it." She throws a strike. Just like that, I have made my child believe in herself. Just like that, I have boosted her self-esteem.
I boost her not by celebrating her failures, which she will have, which we all have, I boost her by reminding her that she is capable and that I am her biggest fan. When I say celebrating her failure, I am referring to outcome-based education, where no one fails a class, sports leagues where no one loses and score is not kept, and schools where kids are not corrected in order to not damage their fragile little egos.
Talk about setting someone up for failure. This does not resemble the real world in the least.
My little girl loves to eat. I don't know where she puts it. She is tiny. She convinced my wife to buy her some chicken fingers and once the food arrived, she stopped focusing on the game. When her turn came she would drop the ball and walk away. Daddy reprimanded her. I told her that her chicken wouldn't fly away and that she needed to live in the moment. She did it again and I told her I was disappointed in her behavior. Once she focused and did her best, she was praised.
I know it feels good to praise your kids. I know it feels good to be praised. It feels better when it is actually earned. Hollow compliments are destructive. Kids know when they've done a good job and they know when they've failed. When you praise laziness or mediocrity you send the wrong message. After all, if you get a pat on the back for no effort,why bother putting any effort at all?
It's a sin to not strive to reach your God-given potential. It's a greater sin to prevent others from doing so. It's okay to tell your kids or your teammates or your staff when they have failed at something. It's okay to set high expectations. It's not okay to make excuses. It's not okay to fail. It's not okay to celebrate failure or lack of effort.
One last thing: I stole an idea from Art Williams, former college football coach and motivational speaker. When I hear my kids say, "I can't," they have to drop and give me three push ups. If not three push ups, ten jumping jacks. I'm hearing those words a lot less these days. Go ahead and call Family Protective Services on me.
Lessons:
- People, especially children, will rise to your expectations. Do them a favor and set them high.
- You don't do anyone any favors by being too soft on them.
- Failure is to be hated, not celebrated.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will encourage effort and success. I will never celebrate mediocrity
- I will set high expectations, knowing those around me can exceed them
Our parents made mistakes and we have made mistakes. It's part of being human. Learn from them, don't repeat them, and move on. It is our goal to make everyone around us better. As they rise, so shall we.
Make it your best day yet! God bless you.
Start building your Success Library!
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Day # 28 - It's a marathon. Not a sprint.
I have never been a patient person. I was always short-tempered, fidgety, it's just my nature. I have no patience. Well, I do now. I am learning it, but it's a long-time habit that won't be broken completely in a mere 28 days. I have been working on improving my patience for a long time and I'm learning tricks. I would like to share them with you.
1. Let it go. Recognize that you can't make everything happen at the speed you want it to happen. Impatience is about not accepting that things are out of your control.
2. Find a distraction. If all you focus on is whatever is causing the impatience, it will only seem worse. For example, if I am ever going any place where I know I'll have to wait, I bring a book. Sure, I could play solitaire on my phone, but that seems like a waste of time.
3. Give yourself time. If you tend to run into traffic every morning, and it causes you stress because you're nervous about being late, give yourself a little time. Listen to a book on CD, use the time wisely. I also find tuning in to classical music helps me. Classical music feeds your imagination in a way that contemporary music just can't.
There are more, but these are the three biggies that pop into mind.
I've been thinking all day about Steve Prefontaine. Prefontaine was a runner who died in the 1970's. He is widely considered to be one of the best runners ever, having won 120 races. I watched a film of his life a couple of years ago and until then I thought running was simply a matter of who was fastest and had the greater endurance. I never would have guessed there was strategy beyond left foot, right foot, repeat.
The truth is there is a lot of strategy that goes into something as simple as a race. There is pacing, there is a time to draft, a time to attack. You need to know what your opponent is doing and what he's capable of. All while pounding the pavement while your lungs overflow with battery acid. For me, a walk to the mailbox is enough to get my lungs aching, but I'm no Prefontaine.
I am impatient. I know that I have a long way to go before my year is up and even longer to be the man I wish to be. My goals are a million miles away and while I am traveling at high speed and have plenty of fuel for the journey, I am becoming bored and my impatience, my ridiculous impatience, is rearing its ugly head.
I know this is a test. I know that this is another withdrawal symptom. I know this is not failure or even a stumbling block. It's part of the detoxification of my character. It's a part of the cleansing of my mind, body, and soul.
Knowing it's a test is no guarantee that I will pass. I know I am vulnerable. I have taken on a lot. In the midst of this experiment, I decided to give up caffeine. It's been 12 days since I've had it and I feel more energized than ever before. In fact, here I am, wide awake. I have not had any fast food in as many days and neither have my children. I am committed to their health and well-being, too. Although, I know they get soda pop at grandma's house. Yeah, I called it soda pop. So what? But in my house, and in my presence, it's water, milk, juice. In that order. We are all feeling better, thank you very much.
So, like a runner, a fat runner with bad knees, I am trudging along. I am tempted to stop and rest, to take a break. No one's watching. No one will ever know, right? Wrong. God knows. I know. This is bigger than one day. This is bigger than one year. This is about all the years that will follow this one. This is about whether the rest of my life will be something of value or just another life.
Lessons:
- It's a marathon. Not a sprint. Plan out the run. Pace yourself.
- There will always be tests. Keep your pencil sharpened and eat a healthy breakfast.
- It's not about the bad. It's about the good. Become a hunter of silver linings.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will be patient.
- I will pace myself.
- I will do the right thing because it is the right thing.
Remember, with patience grass becomes milk.
Make it your best day ever. God bless you.
- Adolfo
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1. Let it go. Recognize that you can't make everything happen at the speed you want it to happen. Impatience is about not accepting that things are out of your control.
2. Find a distraction. If all you focus on is whatever is causing the impatience, it will only seem worse. For example, if I am ever going any place where I know I'll have to wait, I bring a book. Sure, I could play solitaire on my phone, but that seems like a waste of time.
3. Give yourself time. If you tend to run into traffic every morning, and it causes you stress because you're nervous about being late, give yourself a little time. Listen to a book on CD, use the time wisely. I also find tuning in to classical music helps me. Classical music feeds your imagination in a way that contemporary music just can't.
There are more, but these are the three biggies that pop into mind.
I've been thinking all day about Steve Prefontaine. Prefontaine was a runner who died in the 1970's. He is widely considered to be one of the best runners ever, having won 120 races. I watched a film of his life a couple of years ago and until then I thought running was simply a matter of who was fastest and had the greater endurance. I never would have guessed there was strategy beyond left foot, right foot, repeat.
The truth is there is a lot of strategy that goes into something as simple as a race. There is pacing, there is a time to draft, a time to attack. You need to know what your opponent is doing and what he's capable of. All while pounding the pavement while your lungs overflow with battery acid. For me, a walk to the mailbox is enough to get my lungs aching, but I'm no Prefontaine.
I am impatient. I know that I have a long way to go before my year is up and even longer to be the man I wish to be. My goals are a million miles away and while I am traveling at high speed and have plenty of fuel for the journey, I am becoming bored and my impatience, my ridiculous impatience, is rearing its ugly head.
I know this is a test. I know that this is another withdrawal symptom. I know this is not failure or even a stumbling block. It's part of the detoxification of my character. It's a part of the cleansing of my mind, body, and soul.
Knowing it's a test is no guarantee that I will pass. I know I am vulnerable. I have taken on a lot. In the midst of this experiment, I decided to give up caffeine. It's been 12 days since I've had it and I feel more energized than ever before. In fact, here I am, wide awake. I have not had any fast food in as many days and neither have my children. I am committed to their health and well-being, too. Although, I know they get soda pop at grandma's house. Yeah, I called it soda pop. So what? But in my house, and in my presence, it's water, milk, juice. In that order. We are all feeling better, thank you very much.
So, like a runner, a fat runner with bad knees, I am trudging along. I am tempted to stop and rest, to take a break. No one's watching. No one will ever know, right? Wrong. God knows. I know. This is bigger than one day. This is bigger than one year. This is about all the years that will follow this one. This is about whether the rest of my life will be something of value or just another life.
Lessons:
- It's a marathon. Not a sprint. Plan out the run. Pace yourself.
- There will always be tests. Keep your pencil sharpened and eat a healthy breakfast.
- It's not about the bad. It's about the good. Become a hunter of silver linings.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will be patient.
- I will pace myself.
- I will do the right thing because it is the right thing.
Remember, with patience grass becomes milk.
Make it your best day ever. God bless you.
- Adolfo
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Monday, June 21, 2010
Day # 25 - So what if it's Father's Day?
Okay, so I got a really nice shirt and a beautiful necktie. Loved them both. Of course, I don't wear ties to work anymore so let me know if anyone's having a wedding I can crash. It was sweet to be with the girls in the morning. AJ came by and spent the afternoon with us and helped me with some work I had to do (yes, I worked on Father's Day - business owners understand.)
AJ is 18 today. We talked about what he's going to do now that high school is fading into glory day status and the future beckons. He mentioned going to school in Europe. I think it's a wonderful idea and I support him a hundred percent. Of course, I immediately shifted into Dad mode, talking about how he needs to find and apply to schools now because we are in the post 9-11 world and the processing could take months if not years and on and on I went.
I think I over did it. He shut down on me. I forget how much like me he is. I also was reminded of how much like my father I am so I know that this will correct itself with time.
Yesterday I wrote about sharing your wisdom. I guess I should have mentioned that sharing and force-feeding are not the same thing. He is a very mature (now 18 year old) boy. Wise beyond his years. But he is still my child and I feel like I have to help him. Sometimes the best way to help is by not helping at all. Sometimes you just have to be there and hope you have answers when they have questions.
When AJ's mother and I went our separate ways, I went into a deep depression. Steven, my oldest, was in New York and I new nothing of him, my marriage had fallen apart, and I was alone, living in my mother's house, divorced with two sons in two different states. I was 21 years old.
I was a high school dropout. I quit my job because I was working for the uncle of the woman who'd just left me. Honestly, that part is hazy. I don't remember how it happened. All I do know is I was unemployed.
In my depression, only one thing kept me together, and that was AJ. I call him Junior, but he now prefers AJ. He kept me from going off the deep end. He kept me sane. He kept me from doing anything stupid.
The point of this is: That while I had failed at so many things by the time I was old enough to have a beer, it was something that was added to my life by a power bigger than myself, something that I didn't ask for or expect, that made my life worth living. It was because of AJ that I didn't give up. Eventually I would drive to New York and reconnect with Steven. I would earn my GED and go to college. I would climb the corporate and social ladder, start businesses, write, and lead organizations. All because a little boy who had no idea how much he meant to his father was placed in my care. All because God entrusted me with one of his angels.
Lessons:
- Tell your parents you love them.
- Tell your children you love them. Tell them as part of your greeting and when you say good-bye. Say it out of the blue. It means more than you know.
- Fathers: You are the model for the man your daughters will marry and the man your sons will be.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- Today I will be the parent my children deserve.
- Today I will be the child my parents deserve.
- I am blessed with infinite love, and I will share it.
- I am a positive role model for my children.
When I started writing this morning, I had no ide where I would go with this. It's all stream-of-consciousness, and I don't edit. If it doesn't make sense, that is why. If it does, then that is why.
Make it your best day ever. God bless you.
- Adolfo
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AJ is 18 today. We talked about what he's going to do now that high school is fading into glory day status and the future beckons. He mentioned going to school in Europe. I think it's a wonderful idea and I support him a hundred percent. Of course, I immediately shifted into Dad mode, talking about how he needs to find and apply to schools now because we are in the post 9-11 world and the processing could take months if not years and on and on I went.
I think I over did it. He shut down on me. I forget how much like me he is. I also was reminded of how much like my father I am so I know that this will correct itself with time.
Yesterday I wrote about sharing your wisdom. I guess I should have mentioned that sharing and force-feeding are not the same thing. He is a very mature (now 18 year old) boy. Wise beyond his years. But he is still my child and I feel like I have to help him. Sometimes the best way to help is by not helping at all. Sometimes you just have to be there and hope you have answers when they have questions.
When AJ's mother and I went our separate ways, I went into a deep depression. Steven, my oldest, was in New York and I new nothing of him, my marriage had fallen apart, and I was alone, living in my mother's house, divorced with two sons in two different states. I was 21 years old.
I was a high school dropout. I quit my job because I was working for the uncle of the woman who'd just left me. Honestly, that part is hazy. I don't remember how it happened. All I do know is I was unemployed.
In my depression, only one thing kept me together, and that was AJ. I call him Junior, but he now prefers AJ. He kept me from going off the deep end. He kept me sane. He kept me from doing anything stupid.
The point of this is: That while I had failed at so many things by the time I was old enough to have a beer, it was something that was added to my life by a power bigger than myself, something that I didn't ask for or expect, that made my life worth living. It was because of AJ that I didn't give up. Eventually I would drive to New York and reconnect with Steven. I would earn my GED and go to college. I would climb the corporate and social ladder, start businesses, write, and lead organizations. All because a little boy who had no idea how much he meant to his father was placed in my care. All because God entrusted me with one of his angels.
Lessons:
- Tell your parents you love them.
- Tell your children you love them. Tell them as part of your greeting and when you say good-bye. Say it out of the blue. It means more than you know.
- Fathers: You are the model for the man your daughters will marry and the man your sons will be.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- Today I will be the parent my children deserve.
- Today I will be the child my parents deserve.
- I am blessed with infinite love, and I will share it.
- I am a positive role model for my children.
When I started writing this morning, I had no ide where I would go with this. It's all stream-of-consciousness, and I don't edit. If it doesn't make sense, that is why. If it does, then that is why.
Make it your best day ever. God bless you.
- Adolfo
Start building your Success Library!
Follow me on Twitter
Friend me on Facebook
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