Day # 111 - Bridge Burning

Harvey Mackay says, "If you burn your bridges, you'd better be a damn good swimmer."

I think of all the bridges I've burned in my life. Of course, like most fires, the ones that burn bridges are often caused by carelessness. It's not always done on purpose. Sometimes I have burned bridges because they were structurally unsafe. Other times I burned them because I was acting on emotion rather than intellect.

Not long ago, when I was chair of the chamber of commerce, there were people, part of the old guard, who saw fit to attack me for any decision I made that they did not agree with. They went so far as to sabotage me. Some of these were well-known and (in some circles) well-respected members of the community. Would I have preferred to keep them on my side? Sure, but at what cost? I am not willing to bow to anyone but God.

I have regretted some of my bridge burnings. I have tried to repair some of them, and it has sometimes worked. Other times, the damage is too great and there's no way across the river. So I have lost friends or contacts.

The lesson is that sometimes we will make the mistake of burning a bridge. For the most part, if we are not malicious, if we are sincere in our effort to mend the bridge, we can find our way back. Other times, we may want to burn the bridge (with certain people tied to it.) I would suggest letting the relationship atrophy instead. You are losing a friend or acquaintance or contact but that doesn't mean you need to gain an enemy.

So cross that bridge when you get to it and leave it intact if you can. You never know when you need to get back across.

God bless you. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Day # 97 - Choose love

It's as simple as making the right choice. I hear all the time from people how hard marriage is. I have to disagree. If both parties want the same thing it should be easy. Choose to love one another, commit to that person. Promise yourself that you will love your spouse no matter what. Let go of the need to have the last word, to always be right about every little thing. Don't argue over trivial things. Accept that sometimes your other half will be in a bad mood and some of that venom will be unintentionally launched in your direction. If it gets out of hand, remind your partner that you (or your kids or the dog) are not responsible for their mood, but do it gently.

There you have it. The formula to happiness. Okay, it's not that simple. I am not a marriage counselor and don't want to be. But I can tell you with supreme confidence that love is the most important part of the equation.

*Love your spouse - even when they don't seem to deserve it.
*Love your children - this is not the same as spoiling them. Loving them sometimes means time-out or a spanking.
*Love your enemies - that person at your job, you know the one. Choose to love that person. I don't mean hugs and kisses, but in your heart, just love them.
*Love your boss - it seems impossible, but it's really not. Your boss is human just like you. Look at the bright side: at least you have a job!
*Love every one.

This is not a hippie, peace-and-love thing. This is a spiritual, Godly thing. If you want to make the world better, start inside yourself and choose love.

God bless you. I love you. Make it your best day yet.

- Adolfo

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Day # 63 - Choose to love

Every relationship goes through trials. You'll hear people tell you marriage is hard, raising kids is hard, dealing with the in-laws is hard. The truth is, when you look at the whole picture, it's not hard at all. There are going to be challenges, but you have to accept that any situation involving two or more human beings will always have its ups and downs.

Remember the last time you went to Disney World? Do you remember the rides or the lines? The smiles or the heat? Think about how you think about things. Your perception determines your reality and the truth is if you perceive only the bad in a situation, the good becomes imperceptible.

My mom used to tell me a story about the pessimist who won the lottery. He won a ton of money and there he was sitting on the curb, head in hands, depressed. A friend came by and congratulated him on his great fortune. The lotto winner could only sigh and hang his head. When his friend asked why he was so glum, he explained that the money was going to bring more problems than blessings.

"What kind of problems?" the friend asked.
The new millionaire responded, "Now I have to buy a brand new Mercedes and a house on the ocean. I'm going to have to take great vacations and marry a beautiful woman. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me."

I am not implying that winning the lottery is the solution to all your problems. What I am saying is that we sometimes fail to look at the big picture. Your husband leaves his socks on the floor. Big deal. Your wife wants to show you what she bought at the mall when you're trying to watch the big game. So what? There will always be another game. Pick up your socks. Love one another. Love your children, your parents, your neighbors, your co-workers, even your boss and especially your enemies. Only love can conquer hate but it only works if you put it out there.

Make it your mission to find the good in everyone. Start with your spouse, then your children, your parents, and make it a habit. Make finding the good in others such a habit that you become almost childlike in your innocence. If you raise your expectations, you'd be surprised how often people will rise to meet them.

Today's Lessons:

- Love is a choice. Choose to love.
- Seek the good. Ignore and forget the bad.
- People will meet you somewhere between your example and your expectations.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I choose love over hate and as I send love into the world, even more love comes back.
- I focus on the good in every person and every situation.

What the world needs now, is... You know the words. Spread the love. We can make the world a better place.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

- Adolfo


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Day # 49 - Forgiveness

There's nothing like meeting someone who has really faced adversity, I mean real adversity, not the insignificant crap we all whine about, to help you put things in perspective. Today, I found myself in a unique position. I attended a luncheon where the guest speaker was a young man named Patrick Knight. Patrick is an attorney, a former president of the Coconut Grove Jaycees, and an all-around nice guy. He was also the victim of a terrible crime last Thanksgiving - one you undoubtedly heard about.

When I found out he would be our speaker,I wasn't sure I could handle it. I am a sentimental and emotional individual and his story is an emotional one. (I will not go into details here.)

I ran into someone at the breakfast whom I hadn't spoken to in a while. Since he fired me, as a matter of fact. The circumstances of my dismissal are irrelevant, but I can say I felt betrayed, hurt, and angry. I said hi to my former boss and we chatted. As it turned out, I sat next to him during the lunch. I had decided a while back that I had forgiven him but I didn't know how I would react when I saw him. I felt no anger, no resentment. When I told him how things are going I told him they were great and I meant it. He told me things weren't the same without me at the office. I smiled. He told me he hadn't been able to replace me. I reminded him that he never would. I am irreplaceable. Someone else could do my own job (not nearly as well as I did it) and they can sit at my old desk (not looking quite as good as I did) but there can never be another me.

I guess God afforded me a unique opportunity to confront what used to be a painful part of my past and compare it to a real challenge. I know now I never had anything to complain about. My life was never bad. I just hit a speed bump.

Today's Lessons:

- Living well is the best revenge.
- When you don't forgive someone who has hurt you, you only hurt yourself. They can't feel your anger, it doesn't hold them back. It only hurts you. Let it go.
- Friends are hard to find, but enemies are hard to lose. Make the better choice and be a friend to everyone.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.
- I will embrace my enemies (perceived or otherwise.)
- I will love everyone.

Today I regained a friend. We're not moving in together or anything, but it was nice to bury the past and leave it where it belongs.

Make it your best day yet. God bless you.

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Day # 27 - Stand your ground

Note: Everything write about is inspired by situations I am encountering in my life. These situations are not unique or particularly difficult. In many cases they are everyday situations that we all experience. The difference is in how I react and handle them. Or rather, the difference is in how I don't react.

I am not a pacifist. I believe we live in a world where the best way to preserve peace is by preparing for war. Could you imagine what this world would be like if the United States didn't have most powerful war machine ever to walk the earth? 9/11 would be a daily occurrence. Who knows what language we'd be speaking? The best defense truly is a good offense.

All my life I was very black and white when it came to confrontations. I would either avoid them completely or come down on my adversary with the fury of hell. I think part of the reason I avoided them is beacuse never could control my response. Better to wimp out than freak out, I guess.

Now, I know Christ taught us to turn the other cheek but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I may never be, though it is a noble goal to become that way. I will say if someone like me can change, anyone can.

Be thoughtful in your responses and firm when stating your positions. Look the person in the eye. Maintain a level tone of voice. Stand or sit up straight (you should do this anyway) to show you are confident and sure of your argument. Focus on the other person, and smile when you feel like pouncing. The simple act of smiling, even if initially forced, will send a calming signal through your body and to your brain. It will literally change your attitude. It can also throw your opponent off his game. Relax your forehead and your shoulders. Don't cross your arms tightly or wring your hands. Stay relaxed so your eyes remain serene in their appearance. All of these actions will have the effect of making you feel the way you are acting.

It's a fool-proof way of being the bigger person without being a wimp.

My government saga from Monday isn't over after all. I need to speak to one of the bureacrats to resolve one last issue. I've called her twice (once per day) with no response. I will call her again today, and if necessary I will call her again tomorrow. If this doesn't work, I will call her at least twice on Friday. I will increase the number of calls per day until my issue is resolved or I am arrested for stalking, but I will be kind and gentle throughout.

Maybe it's because I am a libertarian, but I have always been hostile when it comes to dealing with the government. I have seen too much corruption and sloth and waste. These things offend me. While I will be persistent in my attempts to contact this lady, I will be polite, never threatening or rude. I represent almighty God, and as His ambassador, I must be on my best behavior at all times. I'll let you know how that goes.

Lessons:

- Be confident. Never walk into a situation without preparing for it as best you can.
- Leave emotion out of it. Bullies are angry. Wimps are frightened. Both suck.
- Relax. Everything comes out better when you are relaxed.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- Today I will learn to confront my adversaries and kill them with kindness
- I will always be persistent in pursuit of my goals

Keep your eyes on the prize. Keep the right attitude. Stand your ground. The world is waiting for you, all you have to do is have the confidence to go out and stake your claim.

Make it your best day ever. God bless you.


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Day # 19 - Don't go back... not even for a running start.

I began a new project yesterday. One that will be taking a lot of my time. I am working in the hotel business again, something I haven't done in five years and something I swore I would never do again, unless the deal met certain criteria - this situation meets those criteria.

This is a situation that requires me to draw on my experience - far back as it may be. As I looked through files, BEO's, contracts, and reservation requests, it all started coming back to me in spite of the fact that I haven't been active in the hotel business in so long.

The point I'm trying to make is that I didn't have to live in the past to remember the value of my experiences. I had good and bad times in the hotel business. Many of my close friends are people I met while working in the industry. I met my wife while working in the industry. I learned valuable life lessons and my children also benefited as I became a more savvy traveler. When traveling, I know what to look for to ensure we get the best accommodations possible.

This is not to say that I didn't have bad moments. I had awful moments. Getting hired away from a secure corporate job just to be laid off 13 days before Christmas was a bad moment. And it made me stronger. I decided to switch careers, earned my Series 7, became a financial advisor, and now I've come full circle.

My mother always tells me, a dog has four legs but only follows one path. It's her way of telling me to focus. I appreciate her more than she'll ever know. She is my greatest mentor.

So here's my thing. I have been hurt - like you. I have been cheated, mistreated, and all that bad country music song nonsense. But I have also been loved. I have been loved so deeply and extraordinarily that if I never saw another soul again and lived to be a thousand I would feel like I took more than my fair share.

And I have suffered my share of heartbreaks and disappointments but they pale in comparison to the good things God has blessed me with.

Lessons:

- I remember the good times with fondness.
- I remember the bad times with gratitude because they made me stronger. Of course, I don't think of them often and I never dwell on them.
- I take the good and leave the bad.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way, I am getting better and better.
- Today, I am letting go of the past. the past is like a footprint, left behind and only there when I turn around and look at it. And like a footprint, my past cannot affect me.
- I am living in the moment.
- My experience makes me the person who I am and I thank God for it.

Let go of the past. Let go of the pain. If someone did something to hurt you, forgive them. Even if you don't really feel it in your heart, say it out loud and repeat it over and over. Do it every day. Forgive them. Confess it with your mouth and you will believe it with your heart. Until you let go of the pain, it will affect everything you do. Is it worth it? Of course not. Forgive and move on.

Make it your best day ever! God bless you,

Adolfo

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