Day # 169 - Gossip

It is a destructive force. It can ruin relationships, reputations, careers, and even lives. Gossip is so bad even the bible speaks against it. Yet, we are all guilty of it. I know, because I am one of the guilty. We often try to depict gossip as an activity belonging only to women, but men are just as guilty. When someone gossips, it is a display of their character – or lack thereof. Gossip is an activity of cowards and hypocrites. Like we said when we were kids: if you have something to say, say it to my face.

I encounter gossip on a regular basis. Oftentimes I manage to keep my mouth shut. Other times I get sucked right into the sewer. There are lots of reasons to gossip, ranging from their insecurities to jealousy and envy, or just being a lousy person. We gossip to make ourselves feel better – it’s sad when the only way to do that is by tearing others down.

As I mentioned, I am as guilty of it as anyone else. The worst part is that I despise this type of behavior. I know it’s wrong. It’s low. I have improved in my ability to avoid it, but I slip. It takes a constant effort. Quitting gossip is like quitting smoking or giving up caffeine: it takes effort, dedication, and motivation.
You have to know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Then you have to do it.

How I fight it is simply by walking away. If I can’t walk away, I choose not to participate. Sometimes, I am the agitator, the destroyer, if you will. I am learning to pull myself back and to focus on the task at hand. It’s easy to get lost if you allow yourself to enjoy the gossiping and backbiting. It can actually feel good to talk about others. You think you’re hurting them when really you’re only hurting yourself.

Sometimes we gossip because we want to be part of the clique. We want to be in with a group of people so we gossip about the boss, we gossip about coworkers. We gossip about our friends or even our family. Think I’m kidding? Have you never complained about your spouse to someone? Think real hard on this one. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex something about your spouse? Something unflattering and personal – even private? You want to believe you were venting, not gossiping. Keep lying to yourself if you must. You know the truth. You may have been “venting” but when that person twists and tells the tale to the next person, you have started the snowball that could easily become an avalanche. And you did it to someone you love.

We should honor and praise our spouses, our co-workers, our loved ones and even our bosses. I know you’re thinking I don’t know your boss, or the snakes you work with. This may be true, but you need to rise above it all. If you need to vent, I understand that, but save it for your spouse, or your best friend, not for standing around the water cooler. Decompression should never equal destruction.

Would you trust someone who you knew to be a hypocrite? Of course not, but you are painting yourself to be a hypocrite when you backstab and gossip. If you gossip to me about her, how do I know you won’t gossip to her about me? I don’t. All I know from this conversation is that you can’t be trusted.

Be the bigger person. Walk away. Disengage from the gossip and the noise and the hypocrisy. Be impeccable with your words.

Remember:

- Walk away.
- Be an excellent person. Excellent persons do not gossip or accuse people who aren’t around to answer the accusation.
- Praise publicly. Criticize privately.
- You can’t expect to be trusted if you are viewed as a hypocrite.
May God bless you and help you to keep your mouth shut. Make it your best, gossip-free day yet.

- Adolfo