Have you ever gone bowling with a five-year old? It's an experience. The ball rolls tortoise-like down the lane at (literally) two miles per hour. It sometimes lands so gently that the conveyor can't pick it up so you need to jam another down the lane in the hopes of moving the other one. Spotty success rate there.
So there I am with my little girl. She weighs around forty pounds. The lightest ball weighs six. It's the equivalent of someone my size rolling a Volkswagen down the lane in an effort to knock over the Rocky Mountains - at least in her mind. I kneel next to her and tell her: "Send it right down the middle. I believe in you. I know you can do it." She throws a strike. Just like that, I have made my child believe in herself. Just like that, I have boosted her self-esteem.
I boost her not by celebrating her failures, which she will have, which we all have, I boost her by reminding her that she is capable and that I am her biggest fan. When I say celebrating her failure, I am referring to outcome-based education, where no one fails a class, sports leagues where no one loses and score is not kept, and schools where kids are not corrected in order to not damage their fragile little egos.
Talk about setting someone up for failure. This does not resemble the real world in the least.
My little girl loves to eat. I don't know where she puts it. She is tiny. She convinced my wife to buy her some chicken fingers and once the food arrived, she stopped focusing on the game. When her turn came she would drop the ball and walk away. Daddy reprimanded her. I told her that her chicken wouldn't fly away and that she needed to live in the moment. She did it again and I told her I was disappointed in her behavior. Once she focused and did her best, she was praised.
I know it feels good to praise your kids. I know it feels good to be praised. It feels better when it is actually earned. Hollow compliments are destructive. Kids know when they've done a good job and they know when they've failed. When you praise laziness or mediocrity you send the wrong message. After all, if you get a pat on the back for no effort,why bother putting any effort at all?
It's a sin to not strive to reach your God-given potential. It's a greater sin to prevent others from doing so. It's okay to tell your kids or your teammates or your staff when they have failed at something. It's okay to set high expectations. It's not okay to make excuses. It's not okay to fail. It's not okay to celebrate failure or lack of effort.
One last thing: I stole an idea from Art Williams, former college football coach and motivational speaker. When I hear my kids say, "I can't," they have to drop and give me three push ups. If not three push ups, ten jumping jacks. I'm hearing those words a lot less these days. Go ahead and call Family Protective Services on me.
Lessons:
- People, especially children, will rise to your expectations. Do them a favor and set them high.
- You don't do anyone any favors by being too soft on them.
- Failure is to be hated, not celebrated.
Today's Declarations:
- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- I will encourage effort and success. I will never celebrate mediocrity
- I will set high expectations, knowing those around me can exceed them
Our parents made mistakes and we have made mistakes. It's part of being human. Learn from them, don't repeat them, and move on. It is our goal to make everyone around us better. As they rise, so shall we.
Make it your best day yet! God bless you.
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