Day # 32 - Blah blah blah flies with honey.

You know the old expression, "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." It's never made sense to me. Why would you want to catch flies? Why waste honey? Why not swat flies instead?

I sat in a three hour meeting yesterday afternoon related to a business I am involved in. It was essentially supposed to be an intervention. A key member of the team is not pulling his weight and as a result, production is literally at a standstill. Time is money and I have an abundance of neither.

So, we sat down and the problem child joined us. The project leadertore into him. I saw a side of this person I've never seen before. I was initially a little put off by it, but after some reflection, I realize it probably had to be done.

While I think of my leadership style as collaborative and I lead by standing next to my team, not in front of or behind them, I know there are times when you need to shock the system. Sometimes, you just gotta get aggressive. This is contrary to my style, so whenever I've done it, I've been left feeling exhausted. Confrontation takes a lot out of you whether you know it or not.

I was reading "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and there's a chapter on how you can be calm and peaceful and still be an achiever. I, too, had bought into the idea that you have to be hyper-active, bossy, loud, pushy, and obnoxious to succeed. Because by nature I am none of those things, I always thought my chances for success were limited. I was wrong.

Success is not measured by how busy you are or how much time you sit at your desk or how loud you yell at your assistant (I'm looking for one, by the way.) Success is measured by how well you do your job and how well you feel about yourself. You could even say how others feel about you is a measure of success, but it's more a measure of popularity. Being liked is not the same as being effective.

While there is a time for bluntness, any time is a time for understanding. Now, just because you don't need to be blunt all the time, doesn't mean you should ever be anything other than direct. You don't owe anyone anything but the truth.

Yesterday's meeting became Good Cop / Bad Cop, with me as the good cop. It wasn't planned, it was my unwillingness to waste time on a Sunday when I wanted to be home with my family. I am not criticizing anyone. The bottom line is the bottom line and we accomplished our goal, so it's all good.

Lessons:

- Forget flies and honey. Be compassionate and patient. You will get more out of people.
- Don't be emotional. This is business, not personal. When it's personal, save the emotions for the end.
- QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally. My partner was taking the actions of the other partner personally. This only clouds your judgement.
- Direct, not blunt or rude.

Today's Declarations:

- Day by day in every way I am getting better and better
- Today, I will stop taking things personally. I will be like a duck and let things slide off my back
- Today, I will be compassionate and patient. I will empathize, not sympathize.
- From now on, I will find my inner peace, knowing it will not hinder me, but improve my chances for success.

You will be faced with confrontational people all the time. You will meet people who are running around like headless chickens and don't have time to be polite because they have a job to do. You know the type: just looking at them makes you tired. Imagine how much energy they are wasting by drowning in a glass of water. Don't be like them.

Make it your best day ever. God bless you.

- Adolfo


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